


Falling

by Anwamane_13



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: ATWT - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 07:29:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 48,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anwamane_13/pseuds/Anwamane_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noah wakes up from surgery a little bit "different". What happens with our boys when Luke's guilt tells him to stay with Noah, Luke's body tells him to stay with Reid and Luke's heart doesn't know who is the one Luke truly loves. What will Reid do? Giving up is not for him, but maybe he should leave it alone because it can only end in heartbreak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Betas: "rajncajn", "traciamc" and "eimeark" (LJ)
> 
> WARNING: IF YOU LOVE NOAH MAYER, THIS FIC IS NOT FOR YOU. SORRY.

Falling is a strange sensation. You lose your grip and suddenly there's nothing to hold you, no floor below your feet, nothing to prevent you going down. For a split second you just hang on there, suspended in the air, and if you're lucid enough, you think 'hey, I'm falling'. But that's already too late and nothing can stop your fall. All you can do is brace yourself for the landing and pray that you won't be too hurt in the end.

Falling, in Reid's opinion, was always for the weak. And he decided early in his life, that he would be the best in everything. He would never fall. Ever.

Reid Oliver had his last brush with childhood when he was nine years old. His father was in a particular good mood and took him to bowling. Reid never got to know the reason why, because something like that hardly ever happened, but doing something other children did was so rare that the boy never forgot.

Not that Ben Oliver wasn't a good man, but being raised by an extremely severe war veteran – Hugh, Reid's grandfather – he just didn't know how to have fun. Still, he was one of the few people in his family that Reid connected to, at least when the boy was little, and he used to treat his son like an adult. He never sugar-coated anything, never told bedtime stories, but he always answered everything Reid wanted to know in the most honest way possible, giving Reid his utmost attention.

Reid was the only son. Kate Oliver was never the maternal type and, if she never mistreated the redhead boy, she was never exactly warm. Sometimes she would be more severe than her husband, explaining that the world was like a jungle and only the best survived. She taught her son as soon as he was able to understand things, that being intelligent wasn't enough if one didn't have the right opportunities. And opportunities didn't make themselves, one had to go after them and grab them.

Grandpa Hugh worked in a hospital. Having lost part of his left leg in the war, he always refused to use a wheelchair, but he could only do office work. So, Joseph was the archivist. After school, Reid used to spend the afternoons with him, helping with the archives after finishing his homework. Not that he and Grandpa had a lot to talk about, but Reid would do anything to escape the ever present oppressive, tense silence of his home. On the other hand, he enjoyed the comfortable quietude his grandfather's company offered and, behind the archive's door, the hospital was a very busy place. When Reid got older, whenever he could escape the old man's vigilance, he started to wander through the hospital's corridors. His favorite spot was a niche behind a column in the ER, where he could look through the enormous glass window and marvel at the sight of doctors and nurses running to save people's lives.

_..._

" _Stop with all this "doctor" talk! Since the day you got here you've been swaggering around saying that you are the only person in the world who can perform this surgery on Noah, and that you had the utmost confidence in it and in yourself! And now, NOW, you are gonna tell me that something went wrong?"_

" _As I said – "_

" _You said that you don't know the extent of the damage to Noah's brain!"_

" _That's correct, yes."_

" _What if he can't wake up?"_

" _You and Noah knew about the risks, Mr. Snyder."_

" _I really can't believe you."_

" _What?"_

" _Mr. Snyder. Really? After all of this…? I want you to talk to me like a human being. And I want you to talk to me like someone who gives a crap at what happens to Noah, you selfish son of a bitch! What have you done? Is this why the Judd family is suing you?"_

" _What are you talking about?"_

" _Because you act like your job is filing papers somewhere in a stockroom; when really you're playing with people's lives…?And then…when something goes wrong and you lose one, you act like it was some calculated risk!"_

...

Everything in Reid's life was calculated, so there wouldn't be any risks. Ever. He started to plan his life at an early age. His family wasn't poor, but living in Cambridge, Massachusetts, it was always obvious that his parents expected him to go to Harvard. Only, Harvard was extremely expensive. At twelve, he realized that to go anywhere near Harvard, he would have to get a scholarship. He was already the best student at high school, with grades better than any senior student, but he knew that only his excellent grades alone wouldn't get him where he wanted.

First, he started to do little chores for his grandfather, then his co-workers, then the nurses and the rest of the staff. He got them coffee, carried boxes, transcribed files with complicated names and medical terms to the computers; anything that would get him a little money. If he wasn't exactly nice and sweet, he was polite and extremely competent, and so quiet that no one minded having him around. Soon Reid knew how the hospital worked inside and out, and it never stopped to fascinate him.

After six months, give or take, Reid had enough money to buy the best running shoes he could find. So he went to his gym teacher at school and announced that he was ready to be a part of the running team. The teacher almost laughed at his face – and it made Reid's blood boil inside with anger – because, how could a nerd, a bookworm, as he was known, be an athlete? Reid demanded to be tested, based on the fact that everyone could have a chance, and he made a better time than the star of the running team. Of course he never explained to the astonished teacher that he had been training for six months. He just let the man accept that he was the best at running as well as he was in everything else he did, and he became runner number one of the team the following week. Needless to say, years later Reid got the scholarship to Harvard.

…..

" _Wow, you just don't know when to stop, do you?"_

" _I asked you a question."_

" _You think I want Noah to die."_

" _You said there were complications and you walked out. Who does that?"_

" _Every doctor on the planet Earth does that. And as for why I left the hospital, I was ordered out by my chief of staff!"_

" _Yeah, but since when you listen to anybody's orders except your own? And isn't that your reason for living? You're the great Doctor Oliver!"_

" _Look, I know you're upset about your friend."_

" _My friend?"_

" _I'm warning you to be very careful about what else you say to me."_

" _Careful about what? About calling you out? You don't fail, Dr. Oliver. Ever. Unless you want to."_

…..

Reid never failed, unless he wanted to. His parents never accepted that he was anything but the best at every single thing he did. As soon as they realized what an extremely intelligent son they had, they started to train him to be a success. The boy never really minded, because he loved books and knowledge fascinated him like nothing else, but sometimes he missed being just a kid. He never had anyone to talk about this, so he just brushed the thought aside, as he always did with everything that bothered him, and went on. He always knew he would have to be the best if he wanted their approval, and he accepted it, because really, it wasn't any effort at all; he never failed if his mind was set to do something. As he grew up, his ego turned out to be beyond high, he learned to perfection how to be drily honest and he developed a self-esteem higher than the average, because an insecure child would be miserable as hell in the Oliver household. And Reid refused to be a victim, no matter what.

There was never any doubt in Reid's mind that he would become a doctor. But when his grandfather, a man with an unbroken spirit that looked healthy like a lion – except for the missing leg, of course – died from a hemorrhagic stroke, and Reid saw everything from his niche near the ER window, he decided that he would be a neurosurgeon. Any neurosurgeon wouldn't do, because clearly, "any" surgeon hadn't been enough to save Hugh Oliver. Reid would be the best.

In fact, Reid Oliver was never a person to doubt about anything. He always knew that he was gay, and soon after realizing this fact, he decided that he would never let anyone make him feel less because of this. Nor he would hide. He never made a big deal of it, but he never hid who he was. His first crush was during high school, and it was a blast, terrifying like nothing else, the excitement of first discoveries making the teenager feel really alive for the first time. But although the guy he had a crush on liked him back, he was still in the closet, too afraid of what people would think of him. So, after some time, Reid lost his interest. He was never one to sneak and hide, and if he didn't tell his parents then about his sexuality, it was just because they didn't have an open relationship, not because Reid felt ashamed by it.

…..

" _Just tell me the truth. Did you do this to Noah on purpose?"_

" _Did I…you're asking me –"_

" _You just answer the question!"_

" _Answer what? You want to know if I deliberately tried to harm your boyfriend while I was operating on him."_

" _That's just it. Even though Noah and I are broken up and have been for a while, you can't stand the fact that I still have feelings for him. You were so angry when you saw him with his arm around me before the surgery…"_

" _What are you talking about?"_

" _You can't stand the fact that I haven't fallen at your feet. You don't understand it, because you get whatever you want, whenever you want, and the fact that you haven't got me is driving you insane!"_

" _The only person insane in this room is you."_

" _Just admit it!"_

" _Which part? That I have feelings for you or you think I have feelings for you, and thought that offing your boyfriend on the operating table was gonna give me a better shot?"_

" _Well, no, you didn't realize that, not consciously, because you would have to admit that you have feelings, and that goes against how you live your life! The way I rejected you – "_

" _You need to shut the hell up! What you're accusing me of is outrageous; I'm not gonna listen to that anymore."_

" _Why not? Why not? Because we're not talking about medicine, or how flawless and perfect you are, because you gotta believe that, don't you? You can't have feelings, because feelings aren't perfect; but you did have feelings about this, and those feelings messed you up, you made them mess you up!"_

…..

Feelings were always bullshit, in Reid's opinion, that's why he tried to never get attached to anything. Even so, he missed the hospital after Hugh's death, and not having the hospital to go to, Reid started going to Harvard square, just to pass the time. He learned a lot of things from lots of interesting people there, including how to be the best chess player ever. Soon, his folks were signing him in every competition they could find. At first it was fun, but after having more trophies than his bookcase could handle, he started to feel used. When he realized that they were doing it for themselves and not for him, he started to distance himself from them, as if they weren't distant enough. Reid and his father stopped talking about everything and it became only "yes sir" and "no sir".

He already had the trophies he had won running, and the ones for being the best student of Arlington High School. He felt like a trained seal. He was number one at school, number one in the running team, number one playing chess…and it felt like his parents couldn't wait to show the world what an amazing son they had. It was almost as if everything he did was _ **their**_  effort, not  _ **his**_. One day, he announced that he wouldn't play chess anymore, and he that was it. They protested a lot but frankly, he couldn't care less. At this point Reid didn't care about what other people think anymore. Only he mattered. That was the easiest way to keep going. He only didn't give up the running team because he needed the scholarship; he wouldn't give up on Harvard for anything.

The years in Harvard were ones that Reid counted as the best of his life. He experienced a freedom he wasn't used to. He moved to the dorms, even though he lived in the city, because he just couldn't stand being analyzed like a specimen by his folks anymore, like his excellent grades and his brilliance were nothing more than a testimony of his parents' excellent genes. At med school he volunteered for every weekend and holiday in the school's hospital or the labs. He didn't mind. It was work, he was learning and his parents didn't have a say in anything he did, for the first time in his life. Soon, the ups and down of being a doctor became everything to him.

After graduation – as number one of his year, of course – he started residency and fellowship. He lived for neurosurgery, no time for personal life, but he didn't care. The rush of adrenaline he felt when operating on a brain was like nothing else to him. He felt in control, he felt like he could rule the world. The hospital was his home.

When he was offered a position at the best hospital in Dallas, Reid didn't think twice. He packed, announced to his parents that he was gay and he was leaving, and yes, he would write and visit if he had time. It was almost anti-climatic the way they reacted; he expected a big scene, but then again, Reid's parents were just like him, no emotions on the surface. If they accepted his decision of moving or if they were alright with their only son being gay, he never knew. And he didn't care. Then he just left. Soon, medicine became all his life.

Reid devoted all his energy, all his life to medicine. Lovers came and went, usually giving up, tired of competing with his work. Reid didn't mind, telling himself that it just wasn't meant to be. He got all the emotion he needed in the operating room. The hospital was his home and the neurology wing was his kingdom. All this dedication paid well. In money and in recognition, and at 34, he was already the best neurosurgeon in the country. If his bedside manners weren't the best ones, the success of almost every surgery he performed compensated for his lack of finesse as a human being.

...

" _At least admit that you wanted something to happen as much as I did."_

" _Even if that were true...Noah is in critical condition."_

" _Yeah, I know that Luke! You even accused me of wanting to put him there on purpose!"_

" _I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."_

" _What you shouldn't be sorry about is what Just happened. And I refuse to see it as a mistake."_

" _Well...maybe you can see it that way, but...I can't."_

" _Why not?"_

" _Because I can't make this about me, Reid!" Noah might never see again, and if there are complications when he wakes up?"_

" _What does it have to do with us?"_

" _How can you even ask me that? Right now, my priority has to be Noah; I have to stick by him, no matter what, and so do you!"_

" _We were about to have sex, not move out of the state! And if there was a change on Noah's condition we would both be there."_

" _Yeah, but no...No. Not like this. Not if something happens that we can't take back."_

" _He pushed you away. You guys broke up because He refused to give you what you wanted; what you needed. Don't beat yourself up for wanting to move on!"_

" _You really don't understand it..."_

" _I think I understand the situation a lot better than you do."_

" _No, I...I can't do this. I've got to go."_

...

Reid Oliver understood everything very well, and he knew what his priorities were. He had his whole life planned, calculated even. Being a misanthrope – yes, he was aware of that – he didn't mind the weekend shifts, nor being called in the middle of the night. He lived with comfort enough and had a good car. His days were busy and he always went to bed – whenever he could actually get some sleep, with the hectic life he had – he did that with a feeling of accomplishment. One day he would be chief of staff, his name would be recognized in the whole world and he would keep working until the day he died.

He didn't feel lonely or sad. His life hadn't had any dramas, nor did he consider himself "traumatized" by anything he had lived. It was a normal, simple but brilliant life, dedicated entirely to medicine. He knew what he was and where he was going, and it felt good being in control. He was on the top of the world.

It all went downhill when he met one certain Luke Snyder and his life was turned upside down.

 


	2. Chapter 2

" _I need to take a look at him."_

" _Sorry."_

" _You can stay. It's fine."_

" _Ah...Look, doctor...about earlier – "_

" _You don't need to say anything about it."_

" _No. I do. I know that you world never intentionally hurt a patient, no matter what was happening in your personal life. You can separate that and you work better than anyone I've ever seen."_

" _Probably because for most of my career I haven't had a personal life."_

" _And...I know that you would never do anything to hurt Noah...no matter what your feelings were."_

" _You're not all that, Mr. Snyder."_

" _No, I guess I'm not. He was the first person I was ever in love with."_

" _One is not such a little number."_

" _And I never thought I'd be with anyone except him..."_

" _That explains a lot."_

" _So...yeah. About earlier...I –"_

" _You don't have to say anything about it. I get it, Luke."_

…..

Reid kept replaying the scene in his mind. He didn't consider himself a masochist, but he couldn't forget Luke's lame apologies. Had he really mean it? Just the fact that someone, especially Luke Snyder, could think that he would hurt one of his patients on purpose, made him feel nauseated. He put his arms on the desk and hid his head, sighing. In fact, he was already feeling awful, the tiredness and stress of the last couple of days making his head hurt.

"Reid, can I talk to you?"

He raised his head, frowning. "Didn't your parents teach you how to knock on doors, Mr. Snyder?"

"They did and I knocked, but you didn't answer."

"So you thought it was alright to come in anyway." Reid massaged his temples, wincing at the pain.

"Are you alright?" Luke asked with what seemed genuine concern. Somehow it annoyed Reid more than he expected.

"The visiting hours are over and the bulletins are only at four, but as I told you before, Mr. Mayer is getting better. I expect him to wake up very soon, so we'll know the state of his brain function. As you well know – "

"I'm not here to talk about Noah. At least, not now."

"Well, then I don't know what else we have to talk about. If you excuse me, I have rounds to make."

Reid saw Luke take a deep breath and winced inwards. He already knew he wasn't going to like the conversation.

"I want to talk about what happened the other day. About what I said to you," Luke clarified.

Reid's face didn't move a millimeter. "We already talked about that. Nothing happened the other day, except for the mistake part you so brilliantly emphasized. Forget it."

"I can't. I…I know I shouldn't have said those things to you. I know you would never purposely hurt anyone."

"Mr. Snyder, you already said that and I already told you to leave it. Obviously your stress clouded your judgment, it's understandable. It's okay." Reid kept his voice as neutral as he could. In fact, he wanted to shake Luke by the shoulders and demand him to explain how the hell he could even think that he would harm Noah or anyone for his own purposes.

"No, it's not okay," Luke insisted. "I know that I hurt you and I'm very sorry. Since you started treating Noah, you've been always doing your best and – "

"I always do everything for my patients. Mr. Mayer is no different than any of the other people I take care of."

"I know!" Luke said exasperated. "But I wanted to apologize. I need you to understand."

"Understand what, Mr. Snyder? That you think I'm such a petty human being that I'd use the opportunity to get rid of your boyfriend so you could look my way? As I said, you're not all that."

Luke released a long, deep sad breath. "You didn't forgive me for what I said."

" _How could I? You think it's easy?"_  his mind screamed. Reid scratched the back of his neck, anxious to end this conversation. "There's nothing to forgive. We're not friends and I don't have feelings enough, as you so brilliantly stated the other day, to be hurt by you. You said that you had no idea what you thought about me, nor who I am. And you're right: you don't know me. So don't worry, no harm done."

"So, that's it? You're running away and we won't talk about this anymore?"

"That's right; we won't talk about this anymore. But just so you know. Running away is your specialty, not mine. "

"You're talking about the kiss."

" _The kisses, with an 's', and the way your mouth tasted and felt on mine…"_  Reid shook his head. "This subject is open to interpretations. You have yours, I have mine. You're scared, I understand; let's just not talk about any other thing than Noah's treatment, alright? It's the only thing we have in common anyway."

"And what I could possibly be scared of?"

"If you don't know that, I'm not the one who's going to tell you. You're smart enough to figure it out by yourself."

"What do you mean?"

Reid finally lost his thin patience. "You know what? I don't have time for this. Some of us actually work. If you excuse me, Mr. Snyder…"

"Wait, Dr. Oliver…you can't pretend nothing happened! I'm really sorry about what I said and I need you to forgive me."

"I can and I will pretend. Haven't you heard? I have a God complex; I can do anything. There's nothing to forgive. You expressed your opinion about me; you're entitled to do that. Let's go back to where we were before Dallas. I'm sure it'll be better for everyone."

"But what about – "

"You said Noah is your priority. So I suggest we make a deal, you go back to your priority, which is the love of your life, and I go back to mine, which is working. We'll be civilized around each other for my patient's sake and everything will go back to normal in no time." Reid got up and gave Luke a forced smile. "Good afternoon, Mr. Snyder."

…..

"Dr. Hughes, I need a word."

Bob looked at Reid Oliver's tired face from his desk. "Sure, Dr. Oliver. But it's almost midnight. Shouldn't you be home by now?"

"Shouldn't  _ **you**_? Anyway, I swapped shifts with Dr. DeLore. I want to talk to you before I make my rounds."

"You swapped? But you already spent the last thirty-six hours here! You know no one's supposed to work this much. I can't approve that."

"You have a minute or not? I have patients waiting."

Bob sighed with resignation. "Sure, come in."

"Listen, I'll go right to the point."

"As always."

"I want you to take my place in the Neurology Wing project."

Bob frowned. He knew how much Reid wanted the wing to get ready as soon as possible. "And why would I do that?"

"I don't want to deal with the board meetings anymore. This thing with the Foundation…I just want you to leave me out of it."

"So you're leaving the project?"

Reid shrugged and his nose frowned. "Um…No. I still want to have the last word in everything. I was just thinking about doing it through you."

"As a puppet."

"If you want to consider it like that…"

Bob almost smiled. He couldn't help but like this sarcastic, strange and brilliant man. He couldn't explain why, but he liked him. "I see. Can I ask you why?"

"I just don't want to deal with the idiots in ties anymore. Or the architects. Or whatever distraction the Foundation tosses my way. I don't want to lose my main focus, which has to be my patients."

"Look, I can see how the thing with Noah Mayer affected you – "

"Noah Mayer is stable and I'm optimistic about him. And it didn't affect me. I just wasn't born for these endless meetings, and I can't lose my time explaining to idiots why I need a bigger operating room or why the CT scan can't be near the patients' rooms."

"But it's your neurology wing. You should do it."

"It's your hospital. You do it," Reid deadpanned.

Bob rolled his eyes. "I already have my own rounds to make, Dr. Oliver. I'm too old to accumulate functions like that. I promised my wife that I would stay home a little more. I can't do this if I'll be taking care of this project and of my patients also."

"I can do all your shifts and all your rounds for you if you want."

"Are you sure? I don't want you sleep-deprived."

Reid pursed his lips. "I don't mind making a 36-hour shift here and there."

Bob thought for a moment. What could have happened to make the ambitious Reid Oliver act like this?

"So? You're going to help me or what?" Reid tapped his foot on the floor, impatient.

"Since you asked so nicely…" Bob snorted, "Okay, I'll do it."

Reid almost smiled, but caught himself in time. "Okay, then. Um…Thank you. Good night." And he closed the door behind him, leaving a very intrigued Bob Hughes thinking about the conversation they'd just had.

… … … … … …

The meeting had been fast, according to plan. Luke Snyder was satisfied that, for once, there hadn't been any complaints about the plans for the new neurology wing. Bob Hughes had agreed with almost everything the architects had suggested, pointing just some little changes here and there, according to technical and medical purposes. Bob and the architect had gotten along immediately and it was easy to finish the last arrangements. The construction would start soon and Luke would put all his effort in building the new wing in record time. Only one thought remained poking Luke at the back of his mind: why Bob Hughes was here, and not Reid?

"Bob, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Luke. Something happened?"

"Err…why didn't Dr. Oliver come? Is he in surgery? I wasn't informed he wasn't coming."

Bob seemed a little embarrassed, and looked at the floor before speaking. "Dr. Oliver asked me to come in his place. Um…in fact, I'll be coming in his place from now on."

"He's leaving the project?" Luke raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Oh, no. Nothing like that. Apparently, he just doesn't have the patience to deal with the meetings."

"You mean us, the Foundation and the board," Luke said, nodding in understanding.

Bob Hughes smiled apologetically. "Yes, that's it. And, well, I'll be supervising the work and the new wing from now on. Since I'm already a member of the hospital's board, it's convenient, because I would have to do it anyway. Dr. Oliver claims he needs free time to concentrate on his patients, and with this project, he's not getting any."

"That seems to be a good reason."

"Yes, it is. I admire how dedicated he is, even if his bedside manners aren't the best I've seen. He rarely leaves his patients' side after a surgery. Take Mr. Mayer, for example. He rarely leaves his room, always checking the latest test results or his vitals…he only leaves him to do is rounds."

"It can't be, Bob. It's been almost a week since the surgery, and I spend every spare time I have during the day at Noah's bedside. I see Dr. Oliver every day, but he's not there almost every minute, as you said."

"I meant at night. Dr. Oliver has been spending almost every night at the hospital."

"Oh. He must be exhausted."

"I believe he is. He may think he's God, but he's only human like the rest of us. If I know something about him, and by now I believe I do, he won't rest properly until Noah wakes up."

"Do you believe Noah will be alright?" Luke asked, anxious to know the old and experienced doctor's opinion about Noah's prognosis.

"I have every confidence he will be. We can't know for sure until Noah wakes up, you're aware of that, but Reid Oliver is the most capable surgeon I've ever seen. Neurosurgery is not my field, Luke, but I know a good doctor when I see one. All the nurses and the staff that assisted him during the surgery said he handled the bleeding in Noah's brain brilliantly; they were impressed."

Luke felt a pang of guilt hearing that. His own words stung in his ears _. "You don't fail, Dr. Oliver. Ever. Unless you want to."_  How on Earth could he have said that to Reid? Then another thought crossed his mind.

"Um, Bob…you think Dr. Oliver will come back to the project after Noah's recovery? Because he said he expects Noah to wake up soon, so…what would stop him from working on the project again? I thought it was something he wanted, this new wing."

"I hardly believe that, Luke. He's an ambitious man and yes, and I believe he wants this new wing very much. But you know, at the present moment we don't have many neurology patients. Even so, he offered to do my rounds as a generalist doctor while I supervise the project for him. So I believe he has no intention of dealing personally with the project, at least not anytime soon; he'll be very busy." Bob smiled, almost affectionately. "Of course, he's all about control, so I'll be keeping him updated on the project daily. He'll still be able to say no to anything he doesn't like in the new wing, and I believe there will be many things we'll have to change because of that."

"Of course." Luke couldn't stop the disappointment he felt deep inside.

"I hope you know that I don't discuss the hospital's matters with anyone. But seeing that you are our main investor in the new hospital wing, I think you're entitled to know that much. You'll be dealing with me from now on, but Reid still has the final word. He'll be the one working there as head of the Neurology department, not me."

"Okay, Bob," Luke gave him a yellow smile. "It'll be great working with you."

"And easier, I believe. I'm aware that you and Dr. Oliver never got along very well." The old doctor patted Luke's back. "Shall we go?"

Luke could only nod at that, and he felt his forced smile turning into a grimace.

… … … … …

Reid checked on Noah Meyer's vitals again. The young man was doing well, and responding a little, turning his head in Reid's direction when the doctor called his name. It was understandable that he was sleeping, though. Even if he wasn't sedated anymore, Noah was under the effect of painkillers. Having your skull opened hurt like hell afterwards.

"Noah?" he called again. "Can you hear me?"

Noah turned his head in Reid's direction once more. "Nhggg…" he moaned.

"That's it, good boy." Reid sighed and checked Noah's pulse. It was a little faster than the last time he had checked. Maybe he was really waking up for real this time. "Noah?" He put his hand on Noah's chest. "Can you open your eyes?"

Noah grimaced, but his eyes remained closed.

"I know you must be in pain. Just try to relax. You're doing fine." Reid sighed, relieved. Noah was waking up. He decided that in the morning he would ask Bob to call Luke and give him the news. He couldn't find the will to speak with the young man; not yet. Now that Noah was waking up Luke would run to his side as the solicitous boyfriend he was and Reid would just go on to the next patient. Just move on, as he always did.

His beeper went off again. Looking at it, Reid saw it was from the ER. "Damn, what a busy night. For Christ's sake, it's Wednesday! Don't they sleep in Oakhell?" He quickly left the room, closing the door not too quietly after him.

Noah Meyer opened his eyes at the noise of a door closing. He looked at the ceiling, but all that he saw were blurry shadows. His heart started to beat faster when he realized that he could see but, still groggy from the painkillers, his mind didn't register the fact as something particularly extraordinaire. He had been awake for a while, but his tongue and his eyes felt too heavy and only now, hearing the door's noise, he found the will to open his eyes. He knew someone had been there, talking to him, maybe a doctor, from what he could tell. He noticed he was alone, in a hospital room, attached to IV drips, with a bandage on his head. His head hurt a little. He started to wonder where Luke was, but before he could do that, the painkillers took him to dreamland again.

… … … …

It was almost six AM when Luke entered Noah's room. A friend of Casey sneaked him into the hospital's restricted area at that time in the morning. The blinds were closed and all Luke could see was Noah's silhouette. He approached the bed and squeezed Noah's hand, sitting in a chair by his side.

"Hey," he said, even though he knew Noah couldn't hear him. "The nurse said you're doing fine. I hope you wake up soon, Noah. I want you to have your sight back more than anything I ever wanted. You're so brave for going through this…I'm praying that, when you wake up, you'll still be you, the Noah I know and love."

Luke sighed and stayed there, admiring the contours of Noah's face in the semi-darkness. A face he knew as well as he knew his own. Noah had been a part of his life for so long that Luke couldn't imagine his life without him. And yet…something inside him had changed. He couldn't picture what or why. All he knew was that, whenever he thought of Noah, he felt affection like he had never felt in his whole life, so deep and sweet that it was almost as if Noah was part of him. He could easily recognize it as love; a love Luke knew would always be there inside his heart; that would always be Noah's and no one else's.

But…thinking about Noah didn't thrill him anymore, as it used to do. It didn't make Luke's heart beat faster and it didn't give him the warm, fuzzy feeling inside as it did before. Maybe their relationship had evolved to something more quiet and mature, Luke didn't know. But maybe it was something else…because now, Luke and Noah didn't even have a relationship anymore. They were just friends, dear friends, nothing more. Noah had pushed him away so much that Luke asked himself if, deep inside in his heart, he had finally had his feelings for Noah turn from romantic love to…to what? All Luke knew was that he still loved Noah, but when the brunet woke up, and if he had his sight back, Luke wasn't ready to jump right back in a relationship with him, as if nothing had happened.

"We'll have a lot to talk about when you wake up," he murmured in the darkness. "I need you in my life, Noah, but…this time…I'm going to be the one needing a little space. I don't think I can make things be the way they were before you accident. A lot has changed; I have changed. And you had a big, big part in it, when you kept pushing me away."

"Did you fall out of bed?" a quiet voice said from the door.

"Reid!" Luke got up and walked in Reid's direction. "I knew I would find you here; Bob told me you were doing practically all the night shifts."

"It's not as if I have something to do at home," Reid said drily. "Anyway, I was going to ask Bob to call you this morning."

"Call me? Why?"

Reid indicated Noah's bed with his head, finally walking inside the bedroom. "Noah gave signs of waking up last night. We can expect him to be fully alert anytime now."

"Really? That's great!" Like gave his first real smile in days. "He's been sleeping, though, since I got here."

"He'll be sleeping a lot. His body needs time to heal and sleeping is the best way."

"You think he's in pain?"

"Maybe a little, he had his skull opened, after all. He's under the effects of painkillers, but we've been lowering the doses gradually, because we need him to wake up, so we know the state of his brain and his sight."

"He'll be alright," Luke tried to sound confident.

"Yeah, well, call me if you need anything," and Reid turned to leave.

"Actually…I came earlier to talk to you."

"Sorry, I can't talk right now. I have a surgery in four hours and I still need to go home for a shower, some food and, who knows a little sleep.

"Four hours? But you spent the whole night awake!"

Reid shrugged. "I'm used to it."

"But that's just…you should go home and have some proper rest first," Luke said, seeing the almost dark circles around Reid's eyes.

"Why, so I don't hurt another patient like I hurt Noah?" Reid blurted out.

"Reid, I – " Luke started.

Reid grimaced and raised his hand, "Sorry; that was uncalled for. Listen, I need coffee like, right now. I still have to drive home. Can't we leave this heart-to-heart conversation for later?"

Luke grimaced too. "Sure. Go home. You look like you need it."

Reid hesitated for a few heartbeats and asked, in that matter-of-fact tone he used so frequently and that annoyed Luke in the past; not anymore. "What is it you want to talk about?"

Luke took a deep breath and finally asked what he had come here to ask. "Why did you give the control of the hospital's new wing to Bob?"

"I didn't," Reid said brusquely. "I only asked him to deal with the meetings and the boring things in my place. I still have a say in everything. . I just don't have time for silly meetings when there's real work to do here."

"So you won't have to see me anymore? Are you avoiding me? Is that it?"

"You had nothing to do with my decision. The world doesn't revolve around you, Mr. Snyder."

"Don't call me that!" Luke said, the sound of Reid's words almost hurting in his ears. He hated that they had gone back to 'Dr. Oliver' and 'Mr. Snyder'.

"And how do you want me to address you? Since we're not friends, I believe that's how we call someone we have a business relationship with."

"According to what you just said, we don't have a business relationship anymore; not since you gave the control to Bob."

"All the more reason. Now you're just my patient's boyfriend."

"I'm not Noah's boyfriend, and you know that."

"I'm not interested in your personal life, Mr. Snyder."

"Stop calling me Mr. Snyder! We already kissed, more than once, and I believe that after that you can call me by my first name."

Reid smiled at Luke sarcastically. "Yes we kissed, you panicked, said it was a mistake and left as if the devil himself was behind you."

Luke almost flinched at the pained and tired tone Reid was unable to hide. "What if…what if I told you that maybe I over reacted?"

Reid sighed. "Then I'd say you don't need to apologize for anything. It happens; it's life. When you didn't admit you wanted the kiss to happen as much as I did, I understood perfectly. Believe me, I was turned down a few times, I know what it's like."

"It wasn't like that! I was confused, and you know it!"

"All I know is you accused me of…oh shit, forget it, let's not go into that again; my tiredness is talking. Well, at first, you kissed me back, but I believe that it was just because it's been a long time, as you said."

"Reid, please…"

"Look, you don't need to be nice to me just because you know I'm attracted to you." Reid shrugged and pursed his lips. "It's no big deal, I'm not going to jump you or anything. Despite beliefs to the contrary, I can be pretty civil when I want to, don't worry. My main concern is Noah's recovery, as I know it is yours. I'll be as civil as I can in front of others and even when no one's around. I'm not a child, Mr. Snyder. I can deal with you pretty well, with what happened and with what didn't happen. You don't have to pretend that you like me. Noah will soon wake up and everything will be back on track."

Reid turned to leave, but Luke grabbed his arm. "It's not pretending. I…I like to be around you. Don't ask me why, but I do. I like your company. It's not pretending at all."

"What do you want from me?" Reid asked in a low but exasperated voice. "You should be ecstatic that Noah is about to wake up. Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"Because I can't. I keep having these thoughts about you and I…I can't stand the fact that I hurt you with what I said." Luke admitted.

Reid wanted to ask what kind of 'thoughts' Luke had about him, but he didn't. It wasn't time for this. "You didn't hurt me, alright? You're a sucker for guilt and punishment; I get that, but save your worries for Noah." Reid pulled his arm forcefully out of Luke's grasp. "I said it before. No. Harm. Done. Forget it."

"You think it's pity, don't you? It's not! How could I pity someone as sure of himself as you are?"

"So what is it?" Reid asked defiantly.

"I…I'm not sure. But I like having you around."

Reid rolled his eyes. "Sure you do. I'm such a likable person! Now excuse me, I have some paperwork to do."

"Reid, wait! I know you're tired, but…can't we just talk? Later, if you prefer." Luke almost pleaded, and he couldn't find in him the explanation for his actions. All he knew was that he didn't want Reid to go.

"No, we can't, I can't do this, okay?"

"This what?"

Reid shook his head and said in a tired voice, "Just leave me alone, Luke."

They stared at each other in the semi-darkness for a few heartbeats, the atmosphere suddenly too dense, making it almost hard to breathe. And then…

"Luke? Is that you over there?" an uncertain voice came from the bed.

"Oh my God; Noah!" Luke ran to Noah's bedside, grabbing his hand immediately. "You're awake!"

"Thirsty…" Noah murmured.

"Can I give him some water?"Luke asked.

"Sure," Reid answered. "Use a straw so he won't drink too fast."

Luke poured some water in a paper cup, while Reid, without another word, raised the head of the bed a little so Noah could drink. When Luke approached the bed and Noah's hand made a weak attempt to grab the cup, Luke stopped.

"Wait…can you see me?"

"Yeah…" Noah rasped.

"That's great! It worked, Noah!" Luke smiled at Reid, who fought really hard not to smile back.

"My throat's dry…" Noah mumbled.

"Give him the water, for God's sake!" Reid said, impatiently, anxious to examine Noah. He knew he could not rush things, though. Recovery from surgeries like that required that the patient stay as calm as possible. As it was, if Noah was being able to see things in the shadowy room, his vision must be close to normal.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot, sorry!" Luke, grinning like a madman, helped while Noah drank a little of the water.

When he finished, Noah rested his head on the pillows and murmured drowsily. "Luke…"

"How do you feel?" Luke asked, understanding that Noah was still under the effect of the painkillers.

Noah looked at Luke almost as if he wasn't getting what Luke was saying. Finally he moistened his lips and said, "Tired."

Reid stepped forward, in full doctor mode. "How's your head?"

Noah turned his head reluctantly to Reid, looking at him with a blank expression. At first he didn't say anything, just kept looking at the doctor, but when Reid opened his mouth to ask him again, Noah spoke. "My head hurt a little, but other than that…" Noah answered, voice slow.

"And your eyes?"

"My eyes?" Noah closed his eyes and opened then again. Then he blinked several times and fixed his stare on Luke again. "Just a little sore and blurry."

"It means it worked! Noah!" Luke said, barely containing his happiness, not noticing that Reid was frowning beside him. "You can see!"

Reid frowned even more at Noah's lack of enthusiasm. Even tired and under medication, he should be ecstatic that he was able to see again.

"Let me take a look at you, Noah," he said, grabbing his stethoscope and approaching Noah even more.

Noah raised his hand from the covers in a 'stop' gesture. "I'm sorry, but…who are you?"

"He's Dr. Oliver, Noah," Luke answered before Reid could open his mouth.

Noah just frowned even more; then he gulped a few times. It was almost as if he didn't recognize Reid's name. He just stared at Luke and frowned, like he wanted to search Luke's soul.

"Luke…" Noah shook his head a little then winced at the movement. "What…" Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "How, Luke?"

Luke frowned and looked at Reid, a little alarmed. "Noah…what's wrong?"

Reid cocked his head to one side, studying Noah silently. Than in an imposing and professional voice, he asked, "What's the last thing you remember, Mr. Mayer?"

Noah moistened his lips again, still looking at Luke with a deep frown. "Um…I remember the accident." Noah yawned and closed his eyes. Nobody spoke, waiting for him to go on. "I'm tired," he said; then he seemed to remember they were waiting for him. "Me and Luke, we were having an argument."

"Noah?" Reid urged him to go on. His voice had a deeply worried tone.

Noah didn't open his eyes, but kept talking. "I was messing with these…fireworks for my film and…I'm not sure…I think they blew up and I fell off the stairs."

"Is that all?" Reid gently took Noah's wrist in his hands to check for his pulse, but Noah opened his eyes startled and pulled his hand away from the doctor. Then he sighed and closed his eyes, already half-asleep.

"Yeah…that's the last thing I remember."

 


	3. Chapter 3

Reid's head was pounding. Of course, he hadn't gone home for food and a shower. After seeing that Noah was awake and apparently with a huge memory gap, he stayed in the hospital, scheduling all kinds of exams for the young man. He would do a MRI the following day and, when he woke up again, a full physical examination.

By the time he had finished ordering the staff and informing Bob about the situation it was almost time for his scheduled surgery. All he had time to do was take a quick shower in the break room then go to the cafeteria and order a greasy cheeseburger, before he had to go to the operating room.

That was why he was in the hospital break room, almost eight hours later, waiting for his shift to end so he could go home and eat the biggest sandwich he could make. But even when he closed his eyes, his mind kept replaying Noah's surgery and the bleeding over and over. He could understand if Noah had some damaged motor skills, even if it was just a little, but memory loss? Had the blood got to Noah's medial temporal lobe? Reid couldn't think of nothing else but Noah's brain and the moment the unexpected vessel started bleeding. He had been fast and stopped it before it did further damage, he knew that. In other doctor's hands, Noah might be dead. But…hadn't he been fast enough and Noah had lost part of his life? Would the memory loss be short-term? Long-term? Would his memory ever come back?

That's how Bob Hughes found Reid. Slumped on the couch, eyes glazed, stubble on his face, thinking.

"You want me to get you a room?" Bob attempted to joke. "You look like you could use some glucose. Want me to put it in an IV drip?"

"If that's your attempt at a joke I advise you to stop. It's not funny."

"How was the surgery?"

"Fine. I managed to remove the whole tumor, but I took part of the parietal lobe with it. I expect her to have some orientation disturbance from now on, maybe some difficulty to write…but that's a problem for her psychiatrist and her therapist." Reid shrugged. "All in all, it was all right. Mrs. Arlington is tumor-free now."

"Well congratulations," Bob said and sat on a chair next to Reid. "Another successful case."

"Yeah," Reid shrugged.

"Why don't you go home now?" Bob suggested.

"I will. I just have to take a look at Noah Mayer first."

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?"

"I want to make a physical examination myself, as soon as possible. And who's the neurologist here?"

Bob raised his hands in a defense gesture, but he was almost smiling. "You, of course. But why you leave the poor guy alone today? He needs to rest a lot and you know it. Besides, it's getting late and he's already asleep."

"Is he alone?" Reid tried to sound disinterested, but he already knew what Bob's answer would be.

"I doubt that Luke will leave his side now; especially because he seems pretty scared about the memory loss."

"Does he already know?" Reid frowned.

"Yeah, my…my grandson, Casey, accidentally told him what day is today. He didn't know he wasn't supposed to say anything."

"And how did Mr. Mayer react?"

"Not very good. Calmly, but…he said he wanted to be alone. We left, but Luke insisted he stay."

"I don't get it. What happened? I don't remember the blood reaching the storage areas in cortex that could disrupt retrieval of old and recent memories like that. You think it was the frontal lobe?"

"As you said…I'm not a neurologist. Why don't we wait on the MRI?"

"I just keep thinking about the surgery and –" Reid started, annoyed.

Bob put his hand on Reid's arm. "He just had his skull opened. You know better than anyone that surgery can cause memory loss."

"Yeah, but temporary ones." Reid sighed, getting up. "I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow then."

"See you at seven."Bob got up too, turning to leave. "Oh, by the way, wait for me in the morning, will you? I want to be present when you examine on Noah."

"Why?" Reid asked, puzzled.

"He asked me to. Apparently he doesn't trust you very much." Bob sounded a little amused when Reid's chin almost dropped to the floor.

"Why the hell not? He trusted me just fine before the surgery!"

"Give the poor man a break, Dr. Oliver. He has no recollection of ever being blind. For all he knows, you're a complete stranger. Let me be there, if only to reassure him."

The younger doctor shrugged again. "Okay, if Mr. Mayer needs another babysitter besides Luke Snyder, who am I to deny him?"

Bob really smiled this time. "Dr. Oliver, sometimes your generosity amazes me."

… … …

Reid went to bed late that night, looking at Noah's CT scans from before the surgery, revising medical articles about brain functions and memory loss. He couldn't wait to see the MRI results.

" _Was it on purpose?"_

" _You don't fail. Unless you want to."_

Luke's voice kept going on and on inside his head and, for the first time in many, many years, Reid thought about his so-called "emotions" toward a patient. Reid wasn't the type to like or dislike patients. They were his patients and nothing more. They would come, he would treat them and they would go, most of the times feeling a lot better. He had always treated Noah with the same care he treated all his patients, and the fact that Noah had been an ass to Luke when he should've been grateful…Reid shook his head as if to send the thoughts away. He would not think about Luke and Noah. It wasn't his business

At six AM he was already at the hospital ordering people around. Through the blinds of the window he saw Luke sleeping uncomfortably on a chair by Noah's side. Noah was sleeping too, arms under the covers, but Luke's hand was on Noah's forearm, almost as if he wanted to be sure that Noah wouldn't run away. Reid felt an uncomfortable weight in his stomach and wondered if the coffee he had at the cafeteria wasn't too strong.

He told Bob to ask Luke to leave Noah's room when the physical examination was about to begin. He couldn't deal with Luke and his chocolate brown eyes right now. His main focus  _ **had**_  to be Noah and nothing else. Luke left the room without a word after a brief kiss on Noah's cheek, and when he passed Reid, looking at the doctor with worried eyes, Reid felt that weight inside him again, as if his energy was being drained. He straightened himself and blinked several times, getting ready to work.

What Reid initially thought turned out to be true. Noah was mostly alright, except for his fine motor skills on his right hand. All his other motor functions were untouched. His speech, his hearing, his reflexes and motor coordination, everything else was just fine. His vision was just a little blurred, which was almost a miracle per se, because it was never 100% expected that he would ever see again, let alone with so much clarity and so soon after surgery.

The other problem was his memory. His cognition was fine. He could remember his whole life up to the day of the accident that stole his sight. His childhood, his coming out process, the traumatic problem with his father; it was all there. The only thing missing was his recent memory, although he seemed to have no problem acquiring new memories.

The whole time Reid was touching him, Noah was tense, stiff as a board. Bob tried to make small talk to distract the young man while Reid conducted the examination, but even though Noah answered everything with clarity, he was still tense, and only relaxed when Reid gave a step back announcing he had finished.

"I…Um…I'm sorry, Dr. Oliver," Noah said when it all ended, not looking at Reid in the eyes. "I don't mean to be, um…rude. But…I'm not…comfortable with the notion that you just opened my skull and dug around."

They rolled Noah to the MRI on a wheel chair, even though he protested saying that he could walk. Luke hovered, throwing worried glances at Reid and Noah all the time. Bob stopped the blond right outside the MRI room, telling him to wait with Casey and Alison who had come to show their support.

Reid stayed with the radiologist in his cubicle during the exam. Together, they analyzed every slice-like image of Noah's brain and the conclusion was that yes, there seemed to be the faintest alteration at the anterior portion of Noah's frontal lobe, responsible for cognition and memory. This could definitely be the cause for the gap in Noah's memory. There was also a lesion on the posterior portion of the frontal lobe, responsible for movements. It was small and, apparently, due to the bleeding he had experienced during the surgery. Neither was dangerous and hopefully, with therapy, the motor skills would be back. As for the memory…they couldn't be sure, as it was harder to evaluate.

The prognosis was good. Noah would need therapy, lots of it; but his fine motor skills would probably be back 100%. His sight was already restored; in due time it would be fully normal. His memory…well, that was a worry for later. There was nothing they could do about it. Reid and the radiologist agreed that there was no way Reid could have seen it coming, because the bleeding had been unpredictable and Reid had stopped it in time. But the lesions were there, and Reid couldn't stop thinking if there was really nothing he could have done to prevent them.

… … …

Luke received the news about the MRI results with dismay. He knew that it wasn't something that would affect Noah's life in the long run, but the fact that no one made a fuss about the fact that Noah was now able to _ **see**_ , not even Noah himself, annoyed Luke to no end. He couldn't blame Noah for his lack of enthusiasm, since he didn't remember being blind in the first place. But still, it seemed to take all the brilliance away from Reid's work, and Luke knew without any doubt that it  _ **had**_  been a brilliant work.

"Thank you for giving me the news, Dr. Hughes."

"That's okay, Luke. Now, if you excuse me, Kim is waiting for me. We're meeting for lunch in about an hour."

"Okay, then. Um…do you know where Dr. Oliver is?"

Bob looked at his watch. "Probably in the break room, if he's still not doing his rounds."

"Can I…can I go talk to him?"

"Of course, Luke; you know your way around, don't you?"

On his way to the break room, Luke started to feel…he didn't know what he was feeling. Apparently, Reid was still doing his best to avoid meeting him, and the fact that Bob was always the one talking to him about Noah, when it should be Reid irritated him. It wasn't negligence on Reid's part. The doctor had been talking to Noah earlier again, explaining the results of the tests, but he had insisted on talking to Noah alone. Luke wasn't family, Reid stated. So it was clear it was him the doctor was trying to avoid at all costs. Luke couldn't explain his own reaction to Reid's distance, but it made his heart feel heavy.

He thought about Noah, who had gone through so much, and who seemed completely lost, with scars on his head and no memory of having them. He had spent more than six months blind and that was something that had changed his life, their life so much… but now he didn't remember anything about it and there was nothing Luke could do to help him. Noah looked almost small and insecure in the hospital bed, like he was waiting for Luke to tell him it was a joke and only a couple of weeks had gone by since the accident.

Then, he thought about Reid. Reid Oliver, the brilliant neurosurgeon that had come to Oakdale against his will, but who had stayed and done what he was supposed to do anyway. And it had worked: Noah wasn't blind anymore. But Luke knew Reid would blame himself for Noah's memory loss, even though he had just made Noah's biggest dream come true by giving him his sight back. But for Reid, Luke knew, it wouldn't be enough, because the doctor never settled for anything less than perfection. And the fact that there were  _ **really**_  lesions in Noah's brain made worse the fact that Luke had accused Reid of deliberately putting them there. He would never forgive himself for saying it and he doubted Reid would forget.

But mostly, Luke's heart was feeling heavy for himself. Because yes, the thing Luke wanted the most in his life was for Noah to get his sight back. But Noah losing his memory of the time he was blind meant he wouldn't have any memory of pushing Luke away. The memory loss had made all the things Noah had said and done suddenly disappear, at least for him, and now Luke didn't know what to do with the fact that things were back to the way they were before Noah went blind.

Luke chuckled sadly, remembering how many times he had prayed for things to go back to the way they were before. And now, he'd finally gotten his wish. Noah was gentle again, almost sweet like never before, and the fact that his eyes were always searching for Luke's with something like desperation made the blond aware of how much Noah needed him. "Be careful what you wish for", Luke thought; because things were everything but normal now.

Luke wasn't ready for things to go back to the way they had been, and it made him feel guilty, because something inside him had changed. Luke was really happy for Noah. But he just couldn't pretend that the last six months hadn't happened. He couldn't, because he could still see the uncaring way Noah treated him and hear Noah's harsh words, and how would he just brush everything aside like it was nothing but time. Noah hadn't lost just months of his life. He'd lost part of his and Luke's story as a couple, and Luke knew that he couldn't go on without that missing piece. It made him feel like a horrible person, but he wasn't completely ready to just forgive and forget.

He opened the break room door and found Reid, in his scrubs, sleeping on the old leather sofa with a frown on his forehead. Luke wondered how could someone live like that. Constantly worried about his patients, eating and resting when time permitted, spending days without going home.

"Reid?" he said, leaning over the doctor and brushing a little of the auburn hair from Reid's face.

"What?" Reid suddenly sat up, looking around.

"Hey, calm down it's just me."

"Luke…" Reid murmured sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

"You called me Luke…" the blond murmured smiling softly.

"Yeah," Reid said quietly, averting his eyes. "What time is it?"

"Almost lunchtime. Have you already eaten?"

"No," Reid said and, as if on cue, his stomach growled. "I'm going home; Katie probably had the fridge stocked again." He chuckled, seeming at ease with Luke, probably because he had just woken up and his walls weren't all up yet.

Luke sat on the sofa beside Reid and his heart started to beat faster. "You look tired."

"Not that much," Reid said smirking a little. "I just acquired the ability of sleeping wherever and whenever the opportunity presents itself. Sometimes my days are just…hectic."

They stared at each other for a few heartbeats silent. There was so much Luke wanted to say, but he was afraid to break the spell. It'd been days since Reid had simply talked to him, like he was…like they were…Luke didn't know, but "friends" wasn't the right word. He would never see Reid as a friend, especially after Reid had explicitly said they weren't.

But Reid broke the spell anyway. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yeah, right," Luke hesitated. "I just talked to Bob about the…MRI results."

"Oh." Reid grimaced and Luke saw the exact moment the 'doctor' mode started operating again and the warmth was gone from his voice. "Even with the lesions, the prognosis is still really good. Noah will start therapy to regain his fine motor skills and his sight is back, like you both wanted."

"Yeah, about that…" Luke stammered, unsure of what to say. "You were…amazing. You said you'd restore his sight and you did. And…I hate the fact that Noah doesn't remember a thing and can't say thank you. I…I can't thank you enough for what you did."

"I didn't do it for you. Noah is my patient and I just did my job. I don't need his gratitude, or anyone's." Reid got up abruptly and opened his locker, grabbing his car keys. "I need to go. I'll come back later to see Noah."

"Reid, wait." Luke stepped in front of Reid, blocking his way. "Can I ask something of you?"

The doctor sighed, almost resigned. "What do you want, Luke?"

"I would like it a lot if…if you started talking to me again."

"We're talking right now," Reid deadpanned.

"Yeah, but what I mean is…I wish we could talk…Not as a doctor and a patient's relative, but as…."

" _Boyfriend,"_  Reid wanted to say, but he didn't. "As what?" he asked, voice low.

"When we were in Dallas…we talked about other things…not work- related ones and…it was nice seeing another side of you."

"You mean the human side?" Reid asked sarcastically. "I thought you didn't like this particular side."

"Why would you say that?" Luke asked and without even noticing it, gave a step at Reid's direction so their faces were mere inches apart.

"Because you ran away," Reid said, unblinking blue eyes on brown ones. His heart started to race with Luke's proximity and it was hard to keep the cool façade. "What were you afraid of?"

"Nothing," Luke whispered, looking at Reid's mouth and moistening his own lips.

Reid saw Luke's eyes staring at his mouth and he couldn't wait anymore. "You're lying," Reid barely murmured before his mouth captured Luke's in a kiss.

It started slowly and soft, but when Luke gripped the front of Reid's scrubs sighing, the doctor deepened the kiss and it suddenly turned into something a lot hotter and demanding. Reid cradled Luke's head with his hands and all Luke could do was hold on and kiss Reid back, all coherent thought gone from his mind. Red's mouth explored and tasted every bit of Luke's, and the blond felt his knees turning to jelly. He had no idea a kiss could do that to someone.

Reid didn't want to stop. Feeling Luke's soft mouth under his was pure heaven and it made his head fly and he couldn't think straight. He knew this wasn't the right time or the right place, but hell, he wanted Luke so much, how could he not kiss the blond when he tasted so good?

Luke's right hand left Reid's scrubs and his arm encircled the redhead's waist, dazed. Being in Reid's arms felt  _ **so right**_ , making Luke's thoughts fly away. Nothing else mattered, just this, just him and Reid in this moment, hearts beating fast, making out like teenagers in the hospital break room.

The phone rang, making them both jump a foot away from each other. Reid blinked a few times, ran his hands through his hair and straightened his scrubs before answering it.

"Hello. Yes, it's me. Are the results ready? Okay, I'll take a look at her chart before I go. Wait for me in the ICU, I'm on my way."

"Um…I guess I better be going," Luke said, straightening his clothes as well. "I… I'm sorr – "

"Hey," and Reid was invading Luke's personal space again, making the blonds' heart skip a beat. "Don't say you're sorry. We both wanted this."

"Yeah," Luke admitted, resting his forehead on Reid's. "I guess we really have a bad timing problem, don't we?"

Reid chuckled. "Nothing we can't solve later. "He kissed Luke again, this time slow and tender, and Luke responded with equal fervor. "Come on, I'll walk you to the parking lot."

"I...Um…I need to say goodbye to…to Noah first."

"Oh. Right," Reid said, eyes hardening.

"Can I meet you at your house later? " Luke said, in an attempt to make Reid understand that he wanted to stay with him.

The corned of Reid's lips turned upwards. "I thought you'd never ask."

…

"Hey," Luke smiled at Noah, opening the door and getting inside his room. "I thought you were still in therapy."

"Um…no, they let me go earlier. They said I'm still too weak to do much work."

"Are you okay? How's your head? Your eyes?"

"Funny you people keep asking me about my eyes. They're fine." Noah sounded a little irritated.

"That's because you spent several months unable to see, Noah. Dr. Hughes and I already explained it to you," Luke answered patiently.

"Yeah, I know." Noah sighed. "I feel like all this happened to another person. It's so…strange, seeing you all praising this Dr. Oliver and…I don't even know him."

"But you do, and you trusted him a lot."

"Yeah, I know," Noah made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "Enough about him, let's talk about more peasant things."

"Oh, like what?" Luke said cautiously, grabbing a chair and positioning it next to the bed.

"Hey, aren't you going to give me a kiss?"

Luke blinked, taken aback. "Uh?"

"A kiss…? You're my boyfriend, aren't you?"

"Um…Noah, I don't think this is the right place to – "

"Come on, Luke," Noah extended his arm towards Luke. "I'm not asking to make out or anything. It's just a kiss."

Luke debated for a few seconds if he should do it or not. He ended up getting up and giving Noah a quick peck on the lips. Then he sat down again, looking at the floor, uncomfortable.

"Wow, that was fast! I'm not going to break, Luke! Come on, give me a proper kiss."

Luke frowned. Between the two of them, Noah had always been the most shy, never really wanting to show affection in public. Well, they weren't exactly in public, but even so, it wasn't like Noah to act like this. "No, Noah. Someone could walk in and – "

"And what? You don't want to kiss me? Is that the reason you're – ouch!" Noah grabbed his head with both hands.

"Noah? What happened?"

"My head! It feels like it's…exploding!"

Luke got up, worried, already walking towards the door. "I'm going to call the nurse."

"Don't!" said Noah. "It's already better. Just…just stay here with me." Noah extended his arm towards Luke and, when the blond approached him, he grabbed his hand, holding it tight. "Stay here with me'."

Luke frowned, worried. "Noah? Is it really getting better? You're not hiding – "

"Luke…?" Noah said in a hesitant, almost desperate voice. "Please, tell me that nothing changed between us. Please…I need you so much, you have no idea."

"Noah, calm down, it's alright," Luke said, cupping Noah's face with his hand. "I'm here."

"No, it's not alright, Luke," Noah's voice broke a little. It's not, because I want to go home and I can't, and you didn't kiss me, and you didn't say I'm the only one for you like you used to."

"Noah, you have to focus on your recovery, so you can go home soon." Luke said. This was not the right time for declarations of love.

"Please, Luke, tell me," Noah pleaded. Tell me I'm the only man for you. Tell me."

"Noah, I…"

"Please, Luke…!" Noah held Luke's hand even tighter.

Luke sighed and gave in. He would say what Noah needed to hear, and they would sort this thing later. "Yes, Noah," he whispered. "You're the only man for me."

And that was exactly the time Reid chose to open the door and get inside Noah's room.


	4. Chapter 4

Reid recovered first than Luke. "Good afternoon, Mr. Mayer."

Noah's face changed from sunny to a rainy day in seconds. "Hello, Dr. Oliver. We were just talking about you," he said holding Luke's wrist possessively.

Luke frowned and looked at Noah, because they hadn't even mentioned Reid's name. But Reid's face didn't move a muscle, except for a raised eyebrow at Noah.

"Oh?" was all he said opening Noah's chart.

"We were – we were –"Luke stammered, unable to handle Reid's apparent indifference when they had just shared a kiss hours before.

"We were wondering when you're going to discharge me," Noah said, smiling defiantly at Reid. "I want to go home. I miss being alone with my boyfriend."

"Noah…" Luke started embarrassed. It wasn't like Noah to be so open about their relationship.

"You still have some exams to go through, but I believe that in a day or two you'll be ready to go," Reid said, flipping pages on Noah's chart and writing things here and there.

"Can you at least look me in the eye when you talk to me, Dr. Oliver?" Noah said, a sudden animosity in his voice. "It's my life we're talking about.

Reid closed the chart and looked directly at Noah's eyes. "Alright, Mr. Mayer. You still have weeks, maybe months of therapy to go through in order to fully recover your right hand's motor skills, but other than that you're clear to go after the tests." The whole time he didn't look in Luke's direction once.

"Yeah, well, months of therapy…" Noah said, face twisted in a frown. "Not something I'm looking forward to. I guess that having someone digging around inside my brain wasn't so perfect after all."

"Noah, please!" Luke said, bothered by Noah's tone. "If it wasn't for Dr. Oliver you'd still be blind! I wish you could remember that, because you couldn't handle being blind anymore, and what he did for you was so…"

Reid raised his hand in Luke's direction, a clear gesture for him to stop talking, looking at Luke for the first time since he entered the room. "I can speak for myself, Mr. Snyder." He turned to Noah. "If you didn't want your sight restored, Mr. Mayer, all you had to do was say so. It would have spared us all a lot of trouble. Maybe someday your boyfriend can explain to you the exact circumstances that brought me here, so you can understand that it wasn't a walk in the park. I'm not expecting words of gratitude, but you should at least be happy that you have your sight back. I gave you your life back, Mr. Mayer; you wouldn't want it to stay the way it was, believe me."

"Oh, you have a big ego, don't you?" Noah said, face red and flustered. "You should at least sound a little more human, like Dr. Hughes. He knows how to treat people, and that's why I'd rather deal with him."

"Dr. Hughes is a fine doctor and believe me, I respect him a lot, but he couldn't have done for you what I did."

"Yeah, you were so perfect at 'fixing' me that now I can grab things but I can't write, and great part of my memories are gone. Gee, thank you, doctor."

Luke stared at Noah, mouth hanging open, unable to understand the animosity towards Reid. The doctor wasn't the most 'likable' person in the world, but there was no reason for Noah to act the way he was acting, like a totally spoiled brat.

"Deal with your limitations like a man, Mr. Mayer. Stop complaining like a whining child. We can't have everything we want. No one can." Reid looked coldly at Luke. "You have your sight back. Be glad about that and focus on your hand. Your movements, and maybe even your memory will come back with hard work, not with childish behavior."

"You know, for a genius, your bedside manners suck. I wonder how Dr. Hughes allowed you to stay working at his hospital."

"He and his hospital were lucky I stayed so far. I'm aware of my bedside manners, but believe me, no one gives a damn about them when I restore their sights, or their movements, or the sensation in their legs…when I save their lives. Now, if you excuse me, I have other patients to attend to."

Reid left Noah's room and stopped at the nurse's desk, writing furiously in Noah's chart. But behind his controlled face he was fuming. Noah was really a spoiled brat, and if Luke wanted to be treated like shit by the man he claimed to love, Reid wasn't going to accept the same treatment. Noah was his patient and Reid expected the same respect he got from all the others because, as a doctor, he gave his patients his best, no matter what he thought about them. So, in spite of wanting to punch Noah Mayer for being such a jerk to Luke, Reid had treated him, reverted his condition and now he would had to endure Noah's bad moods? No way.

"Nurse, I need these exams scheduled for –"he looked around him and saw that he was alone in the nurse's station. "Nurse!" he called, irritated.

"Ye – yes, Dr. Oliver?" A nervous nurse came out of the break room, munching on something.

"Am I interrupting your rest?" Reid asked her.

"Sorry, I was just – I was just – "

"You were just being incompetent and leaving the nurse's station completely unattended. I see. Schedule these tests for Mr. Mayer for tomorrow morning," Reid shoved some papers in the stunned nurse's hands "and try to put your patients' well being before your stomach. That's what good professionals do." He turned and walked away, leaving a confused nurse behind him.

"Reid, wait!" Luke's voice called from the end of the corridor.

"What is it you want, Mr. Snyder? I actually have work to do, you know."

"Noah…he…he asked me to say he's sorry for the way he behaved."

"Oh?" Reid rolled his eyes. "Now you're speaking for him too?"

"He's really confused about everything that's happened. We gotta understand that."

"Yeah, forgive me if I don't cry with your emotional speech."

"He's been through a lot. He just woke up from a brain surgery. We need to understand…he's allowed to feel confused."

"I understand better than you think. I can even go through his mood shifts and pretend that I feel sorry for him. But next time, tell him to treat me with a little more respect. No one understands better about brain surgeries than I do, Mr. Snyder. I know it's normal if he feels agitated or depressed, but I won't put up with this forever. I expect you to control your boyfriend's behavior next time."

"He's not my boyfriend, and you know that," Luke gave a step in Reid's direction, hand on Reid's shoulder.

The doctor suppressed a shiver. Why the hell a simple touch from Luke made him feel like his stomach was upside down? "This is not the right place nor the right time for this." As if on cue, his beeper went off. "See? I have work to do," Reid said, walking away with the feeling of Luke's warm hand till on his shoulder.

Luke sighed unhappily, turned, and entered Noah's bedroom again.

...x... 

"Reid, I'm leaving," Katie said from the door with a huge bag in one hand and Jacob in her arms.

"Are you sure you don't need help?"

"No, it's okay, Henry is outside waiting for me."

"Yeah, about that, why do you have to make the poor baby suffer with Hank's presence all the time?"

"Because he's my best friend?" she said, smiling. "And because Vienna insisted that I take Jacob this time."

"Your best friend is a jerk," Reid deadpanned, mouth twitching a little. "I hope you know that."

"Aww…are you jealous?" she said smiling and walking back inside the house, stopping in front of Reid.

"Yeah, as if a brilliant doctor like me would be jealous of someone like Hank."

"Don't worry," Katie said softly, kissing him on the cheek. "You're my best friend too."

"Don't put me in the same category as that –"

"Come on, kiss me and Jacob, I gotta go."

"I don't do goodbye kisses. They're pathetic."

"Yes, you do," Katie said, smiling at him. Jacob mumbled something and grabbed the front of Reid's shirt.

The doctor rolled his eyes. "Yeah, alright," he kissed Jacob's head and Katie's cheek, his own cheeks turning pink. "Go now or Hank's car will turn into a big pumpkin. And it's not even midnight."

"Bye" Katie said, already walking to the door. "It's just dinner at Henry's house. We'll be back soon."

When she closed the door, Reid went straight to the bathroom and took a long shower. The warm water cascading on his shoulders helped to relax his tense muscles a little. Then he went to the kitchen, made himself a big sandwich and opened a can of soda, deciding against the beer because of the critical patients he had in the ICU. He never knew when they would call him. Sitting on the sofa, he turned the TV on and opened his mouth wide to give the sandwich a big bite…

Then the bell rang.

Looking at his watch, he sighed, put the sandwich on the coffee table eyeing it with longing and got up. With his hand on the door knob, Reid prepared a sarcastic remark, intending to woo whoever it was. He wasn't in the mood to entertain one of Katie's friends while she got back. The remark died on his lips as soon as he opened the door and Luke was staring at him from the other side.

"You said I could come," Luke said hesitantly.

"Well, I figured you wouldn't, after the emotional display of affection I saw this afternoon."

"Reid, I…" Luke looked around. "Look, can I come in? I don't want to have this conversation here."

"Do you even want to have any conversation at all?" Rid asked frowning. "Because if it's about your boyfriend, I – "

"I already told you he's not my boyfriend."

"It's a little hard to believe, when I just heard you say he's the only one for you."

Luke sighed and stepped inside the living room, not waiting for Reid's invitation. "You weren't supposed to hear that."

Reid closed the door irritated. "I'm glad I did, at least I don't misunderstand things between us."

"That's not what I meant. God, why is it so hard to talk to you?"

"Because I'm not buying your bull shit, that's why," Reid said mater-of-factly.

"There is no bull shit. Noah needs me and I intend to be there for him."

"Great, so be there for him and leave me alone."

"I can't," Luke said helplessly.

"Why the hell not? If you love him so much…"

Luke invaded Reid's space and held the redhead's face with his hands. "I'm not sure what I feel for Noah anymore. But I'm here because I want to, because I can't stop this thing going on between us."

"And I am supposed to wait until you figure out what you want?" Reid whispered. "Sorry, I can't do that. Not when I'm not even sure there is something going on here."

"Yes, there is," Luke murmured, so close to Reid's mouth that he felt the blond's breath on his face. This time Luke was the one who initiated the kiss.

Once again, the kiss started slowly, a soft caress. But is a few seconds its intensity grew, escalating to something urgent, dragging low moans from both. Luke buried his hands in Reid's auburn hair while Reid put his hands on both sides of Luke's waist, pulling him closer. Luke started to unbutton Reid's shirt with trembling fingers this time, and with the shirt opened, Luke ran his hands on the other's bare shoulders, the shirt slowly dropping on the floor. Reid started to unbutton Luke's shirt too, running his hands on the blond's chest, feeling the softness of the thin layer of hair covering it. They only parted because they needed to breathe, and they did it reluctantly, as if it hurt to stay apart, panting and resting their foreheads together.

"What are we doing, Luke?" Reid murmured against Luke's mouth.

"I don't know…But I can't stop. Can you?"

As an answer, Reid pushed his tongue inside Luke's mouth, and the blond gave a small whimper, throwing his arms round Reid's neck. As the kiss grew deeper, Luke started to float and wondered again how a simple kiss could feel like that. But suddenly the kiss stopped and Reid's hands were on his chest, pushing him away a little.

"Yes, I can," Reid murmured, panting.

"What?" Luke mumbled, still a little bit out of orbit from the kiss.

"You asked me if I can stop it and I'm telling you that yes, I can."

"Reid…?" Luke frowned. "I thought you wanted this as much as I do."

"I want this. I'm just not sure that's what  _ **you**_  want."

"Can't you tell?" Luke smirked a little. His erection against Reid's hip was so obvious that there was no way to deny it.

"Yeah," Reid smiled despite his serious eyes. "But I'm not sure if you're not going to regret this later."

"I won't," Luke said.

"You don't know that. The last time we were in this room together you couldn't get out of here fast enough."

"I was distressed. I was scared."

"And suddenly you're not scared anymore?"

"I am," Luke admitted. "But unexplainably, the thought of not being here with you scares me more."

"Last time…you said you didn't want something to happen, that we couldn't take back. What if you regret this later? I don't want you to regret anything about me, Luke."

Luke sighed and gave a small step back, but his arms didn't leave Reid's shoulder.

"Can I at least stay here with you?"

Reid thought about it for a while. "Why?"

"Is this a doctor thing? Wanting to know the 'whys' of everything?"

"Yes, it is. Despite my lack of personal life, I don't do anything halfway or without a reason, Luke. I want to know why you want to stay here and not by Noah's bedside."

Luke sighed and rested his forehead on Reid's again. "Because just this time, this isn't about Noah. It's about me. I like to spend time with you."

"And you think that's enough? Last week Noah was the love of your life. I don't believe that now, suddenly, you don't love him anymore."

Luke let his arms fall beside his body. "I didn't come here to talk about Noah."

"So why did you come?"

"I just want to be…" Luke shrugged, "close to you. You make me feel…light; serious and mischievous at the same time… Even being so infuriatingly obnoxious."

"Imagine that," Reid smirked, bending to grab his discarded shirt and starting to put it on.

"So, what do you say?" Luke buttoned up his own shirt, just to have something to do with his hands. When Reid didn't say anything, he insisted. "Will you let me stay around?"

Reid pursed his lips and nodded curtly. "Okay." He bent again and picked his sandwich from the coffee table. "Wanna eat?"

"What the heck is that?" Luke asked, eyeing Reid's plate suspiciously.

"Dinner. Want me to make you one?"

"Sure," Luke shrugged. "Just not as…stuffed as yours, okay?"

"Stuffed?" Reid waved the plate in front of Luke. "Just so you know, this is a rare combination of ingredients that are perfect together, bringing every flavor to your mouth perfectly."

"Every flavor, alright…but…everything at the same time? I think I'll go wit the old ham and cheese."

"You're no fun," said Reid, walking to the kitchen.

They ended up on the sofa, side by side, in front of the TV, watching "The Bourne Identity". Reid commented on some scenes here and there, adding suggestions about how he would make the scene less unrealistic from his point of view. Luke just rolled his eyes and didn't say anything, happy to just listen to Reid's voice. It wasn't always that the doctor talked about mundane things and it was pleasant to hear him babbling a little.

After an hour Reid started to speak less and less, and when Luke noticed, Reid was sleeping, head lolled, resting on the sofa's back. Luke smiled and got up, turning the TV off.

"Reid?" he shook the redhead's shoulder gently. "Come on, time for bed."

Reid didn't even open his eyes fully. "Okay," he said, not moving from where he was.

"You're not going to sleep here. Come on, get up."

He tugged Reid's arm a little, and the man got up reluctantly, walking with wobbly steps at his bedroom's direction. Luke went behind Reid, guiding him by the shoulders. Once inside, Reid let himself fall on the bad fully clothed, face pressed against the pillow.

Luke smiled a little. God forbid if Dr. Reid Oliver knew how adorably vulnerable he looked in that moment, especially when he turned on his side, grabbed the pillow and snuggled it…but there was no other way to describe him right now.

"Are you going to sleep like that?"

Reid didn't even answer, snuggling the pillow even closer and sighing. Luke actually wanted to laugh at the sight, but he decided to take Reid's shoes off. Then, after debating if he should or not, he took Reid's belt off too, and un-tucked his shirt. "There you go," he murmured to himself and turned to leave.

Reid sighed contently. "G'night," he mumbled.

Luke's eyes widened. He had no idea that Reid knew that he was in the room yet, but apparently the doctor was in a semi-slumber state, when one's not deeply asleep but it's not awake either. Hesitating a little, Luke kneeled next to Reid's face and ran his hand through the red locks lightly. "Night, Reid."

"M'glad you stayed." Reid said so low that Luke wondered if the man was awake or talking in his sleep. Maybe the last option, because there was no way Reid would let Luke see him with all his defenses down like that.

"I'm glad too. See you tomorrow."

Reid didn't answer anymore, and Luke stayed looking at him for a few seconds, mesmerized by the calm and the hint of a smile in his face. Then, sighing, he got up, turned the lights of the apartment off, leaving only a small lamp by the sofa turned on and left.

… …

The day Noah was discharged Luke didn't see Reid until it was time for Noah to leave. In fact, he hadn't seen the doctor for two whole days. He had been busy at the foundation and all his spare time he spent with Noah, who was anxious to go home and wanted Luke around all the time. In fact, Noah was surprising Luke with the sudden change in his personality. He was attentive and sweet, always wanting to hold Luke's hand, even with people around, and telling him how much he loved him and needed him.

The night before, Lilly and Holden had been there to see him, and Noah hinted that he would like to go back to Lilly's house. Lilly promptly offered him his old bedroom back, saying they all would love to have him around and that the kids had missed him, and that he should've never left in the first place. Holden just smiled in the quiet way of his and said that, although he didn't live there, he knew Noah was dear to the Snyders and in fact, if Noah wanted a quieter place to relax and recover, he would be welcome to spend some time at the farm. Emma would love to spoil him with tons of food.

Luke stood there, watching the dialogue between his parents and his…and Noah, wondering why Noah hadn't talked about returning to Lilly's house when the two of them were alone earlier. But Noah looked at him with a huge happy grin and Luke found himself softening, smiling back at the brunet and, after Lilly's expectant look, saying that he would like very much to have Noah in his mother's house again.

That settled, the following day Luke got up early and went straight to the hospital. He spent the entire day with Noah and, around six PM, he went to the cafeteria to have some coffee. When he got back, Reid was leaving Noah's room, surrounded by interns who watched him with mouths almost hanging open as he explained the complicated procedures of restoring one's sight with brain surgery.

He glanced briefly at Luke and said in the most professional way possible, "Mr. Mayer is discharged; you can take him home."

"Thank you, Dr. Oliver," Luke answered.

A hint of a smile crossed Reid's face, but it was so brief that Luke thought he had imagined it. Reid started to walk along the corridor followed by the interns, not looking at Luke again. When Luke's hand held the door knob, his cell phone beeped indicating a text message.

Under Reid's name was written, "TOMORROW AT JAVA AT 10 AM."

" OK " was all Luke answered, not even noticing that he was grinning like a fool.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Java was almost empty when Luke arrived. It was Tuesday morning and he had decided to come earlier, just because he wanted, no,  _ **needed**_  some time alone. He knew he would never get the peace he needed at Lily's house.

…

_Last night at his mother's house had been…funny, in a weird sort of way. Noah had insisted that Luke stayed with him in the living room after diner, to 'catch up'. Luke was tired, but he obliged, because Noah made puppy dog eyes and Luke couldn't say no. They hadn't spoken about anything important. Luke told Noah about the latest gossip, talked about his family, their mutual friends, anything he could think of. Initially, the conversation was a little awkward, but it gradually flowed to their old comfortable light banter. Noah laughed a lot, and Luke, seeing his smile, remembered how they used to be in the old times, when just being with each other was enough to make them happy._

_But when it was time to go to bed, Noah hinted that he wanted to sleep in Luke's bedroom with him._

" _But – but my mother…" Luke stammered._

" _Come on, Luke, everybody is sleeping," Noah argued._

" _Yeah, but…I don't feel comfortable, knowing that everybody is here."_

_Noah grimaced. "You don't feel comfortable with a lot of things lately. Come on, we don't have to do anything. I just want to sleep by your side."_

" _Still…I can't, Noah. Not with my Mom and the kids here. Someone may see your bedroom empty in the morning and assume that we were…err…"_

" _Okay, but we're together. It's not as if people think we don't make love. We are boyfriends."_

_Luke cleared his throat. "Um…about that, Noah, I want to talk to y – "_

" _Okay, you win," Noah interrupted him, invading Luke's personal space. "I'll sleep in my room. Give me a kiss."_

" _Noah…" Luke tried to argue._

" _Give me a kiss, Luke," Noah demanded, holding Luke's head with his hands._

 _He didn't wait for Luke to answer, smashing his mouth against Luke's. The blond initially tried to push Noah away, but, being taller, Noah was also stronger, and Luke gave up resisting, opening his mouth to Noah's tongue. Noah demanded a lot from the kiss and that would usually turn Luke on; but not this time. Luke's knees didn't turn to jelly and his breath didn't become faster with Noah's kiss. His mind screamed for him to stop, "_ wrong, wrong, wrong _", it flashed behind his eyes._

" _You're cold as an ice cube, Luke. You don't love me anymore," Noah said, releasing Luke suddenly. "What's going on, Luke? What changed?"_

" _I love you, Noah, I do," Luke said._

" _We need to talk…and I don't wanna leave it for tomorrow."_

_Luke sighed. That's what he was trying to say: they needed to talk._ _"Okay, let's get inside." He held Noah's hand and pulled him inside the bedroom, even if his mind was telling him not to do it._

" _What's going on, Luke?" Noah asked, as soon as he got inside, hands on his hips in a defiant posture._

" _Noah, calm down. It's late, you had a long day. You should rest, you need to recover."_

" _You're not the same as you were a few days ago."_

" _That's the problem, Noah. It may feel like a few days for you, but it was several months for me. Months in which you didn't act like yourself."_

" _What do you mean?" Noah crossed his arms in front of himself, expectant._

_Luke tried to remain calm, voice soft. "You pushed me away, Noah. You blamed me for the accident with the fireworks and, in the months before the surgery, we weren't even together anymore."_

" _You're lying," Noah said, shaking his head. "How would we not be together, Luke? How? And I would never push you away."_

" _But you did," Luke said. "And you blamed me for what happened to you."_

" _I can't believe I did that."_

" _I'm telling the truth, Noah. You can ask anyone you want; we weren't together anymore when you were operated. You pushed me away, you refused my help, you moved out of my Mom's house and in the end, we broke things off because you wanted to put our relationship on hold until you were able to see again."_

" _I don't remember doing any of that, Luke."_

" _Yeah. I wish it wasn't true, but it is." Luke sat on the bed, looking up at Noah. "I wanted to be there for you because I loved you and I wanted to be close to you…but you didn't let me. You…sometimes you acted like I was in your way. You kept talking about being independent all the time, and in the process you excluded me from your life. Even when I brought Dr. Oliver to Oakdale to operate on you, you still didn't want anything to do with me. You wouldn't kiss me, you wouldn't hug me…hell, you wouldn't even let me hold the door or pick up thinks from the floor for you. Your actions hurt me a lot."_

" _I'm sorry, Luke. I don't remember doing those things. You know you're the last person in the world I would intentionally hurt."_

" _I know it wasn't intentional. But it happened nonetheless. And now…" Luke shrugged._

" _Now what?"_

" _Now I…I just don't know, Noah." Luke shook his head sadly._

_Noah sat beside Luke and held his hands. "Can't we start over? Can't we erase these past months and…try to fix our relationship?"_

" _I wish it was that simple, but it's not. We…have a lot to talk about, but what I can tell you is that…" Luke took a deep breath. "I'm not ready for us to go back the way things were…I mean... to be…boyfriends again. I need time."_

_Noah grimaced. "You know, this sucks. It's hard to argue about something I don't even remember happening."_

" _I know," Luke murmured."But its how I feel."_

_Noah nodded slowly. "What do you want, Luke? Should I move out of your mom's house?"_

" _Of course not!" Luke said. "We all want you to be here." He briefly squeezed Noah's hands, still on his. "I still want to be there for you, Noah. You have months of recovery and I intend to be by your side in every step of the way."_

" _Because you feel guilty?" Noah's face suddenly turned to a deep frown and he abruptly removed his hands from Luke's. "I don't want your pity."_

_Luke frowned, seeing the sudden change n Noah's mood. "Why should I feel guilty, Noah?"_

" _You – you just said you felt responsible for my accident."_

" _No, I didn't. I said_ _ **you**_ _blamed_ _ **me**_ _for the accident."_

" _Isn't it the same thing?" Noah said, irritated._

" _It's not and you know it. Look, I think you better leave. We're all tired, it's already past midnight. I'm, not sure your doctor would approve you being awake so late."_

" _Okay," Noah got up and walked slowly to the door, Luke behind him._

" _Good night, Noah" Luke said smiling a little._

_Suddenly Noah turned to Luke and the blond found himself engulfed in a big bear hug. "Please, Luke, please…I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry…I'll never do it again, I promise. I love you so much, please, don't turn away from me."_

" _I'm not turning away, Noah," Luke said almost out of breath because Noah was holding him really strong. "I said I want to be there for you, and I will."_

" _That's not enough, Luke. I want things to be alright with us again…I can't stand being so close to you and not being able to hold you…!" Noah was almost crying._

" _Hey, calm down. I'm here; I'm right here."_

" _Luke…I need you. You know that, don't you?"_

_Luke sighed, and tentatively, gave a step back, disentangling himself from Noah's hug and looking at him. "It's alright…Everything is gonna be alright."_

" _How can you say that?" Noah's eyes were glistening from unshed tears and the sight broke Luke's heart._

" _I'm optimistic. Come on, I'll take you to your room."_

_Luke didn't sleep well that night, conflicted thoughts and emotions running through him like a mad tornado. He felt torn between two different things. He wanted to help Noah, be there for him until he was completely recovered, and maybe try to work things out with him. But he also wanted to be selfish and think about himself and no one else, and that included giving into the temptation that was Dr. Reid Oliver. Luke didn't know what he felt for the doctor, but he wanted to spend time with him and figure out what was going on between them._

_That morning, he woke up early and went for a walk, leaving a note on the kitchen counter explaining he had important things to take care of at the Foundation. He knew Noah would be pissed and his mother would be worried, but he just needed to be alone for a while. He stopped at the pond and sat on the grass, remembering the last time he had been there with Noah. It was before his accident, and Luke had been distressed, because Noah refused to understand why Luke felt jealous about Mason. It seemed to Luke that he was always explaining something to Noah, always having to make a point or say he was sorry…always needing to try to fix things._

_Wouldn't it be nice if he could be with someone without having to explain everything or justify his actions? Wouldn't it be nice to be wanted without having to worry if he was wanted with the same intensity? With Noah it seemed that Luke was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, always expecting the next blow that would tear them apart. He wanted, just for once, to feel something 'simple' for someone without the constant worry about what the future would throw in his direction._

_Surprisingly, that thought led him to Reid. The doctor's face when he was sleeping peacefully made Luke's heart melt, and the doctor's face when he was awake made Luke's stomach flutter. Luke enjoyed Reid's company. His dry remarks, his perpetual sarcasm, his brutal honesty made Luke feel comfortable. Being next to someone who always said what he was thinking was something Luke truly appreciated, even if Reid's honesty pissed him off most of the time. Luke enjoyed talking to him, their banter made him laugh, and laughter had been something very rare in Luke's life lately._

_In the end, Luke had decided to go early to Java. Hopefully seeing other people would take his mind out of his problems. If nothing helped, he would just be glad to be on his own for a while and not answer Lily's questions…and not deal with Noah's constant need of his presence, he thought guiltily._

…

"A penny for your thoughts," said Reid's voice.

Luke blinked a few times and looked at his watch. It was only 9:30. "You're early."

"So are you," Reid said, shrugging. "Jacob is in a particularly bad mood today and I decided to make myself scarce before Katie asked me to help her."

"That's very inconsiderate of you, you know."

Reid sat down before Luke. "What can I say…it comes as a second nature to me."

Luke chuckled shaking his head at Reid playfully. "You're a lost case, Dr. Oliver."

"I'll take that as a compliment. Come on, let's eat, I'm starving."

They started to study the menu together. "You have the morning off?" Luke asked. Reid usually was at the hospital by 9 AM.

"No, but my poor excuse for a secretary scheduled my first patient at ten, God knows why. Since Noah was discharged yesterday and my only critical patient is in the ICU where, hopefully, the doctor on duty will manage to keep her alive after the spectacular job I did with her brain…I decided to skip the hospital's cafeteria and have a decent breakfast for a change."

"That sounds like a good idea."

"What will it be, gentlemen?" the waitress asked.

Reid didn't think twice. "I'll have an omelet with ham, bacon, cheese, onions, tomatoes and mushrooms, and two slices of Italian bread. And bring me a caramel latte with whip cream, extra shot."

"Wow," Luke said amazed at Reid's appetite.

"What?" Reid asked.

Luke shook his head. "Uh. Nothing. I'll have a croissant with cheese cream and a small mocha, please. Oh, and a glass of water."

"So, is Noah alright?" Reid asked. He wasn't anxious to know about Noah, aside from his medical condition, but he knew Luke was going to talk about him anyway, so Reid decided to start the subject already and be done with it as soon as possible.

"Yeah, he…uh…he's in my Mom's house."

Reid just raised his eyebrows.

"And before you ask, he has his own bedroom," Luke clarified.

"I didn't say anything," Reid said, pursing his lips.

"But you were going to."

"Maybe," The doctor said nonchalantly. "But I figure it was the best option. He can't exactly live on his own right now. He needs to be taken care of."

"Yep," Luke nodded. "That's what I'm doing."

"I hope you don't exaggerate. Don't take care of him too much. He's a big boy."

Luke smirked, amused. "Are you jealous?"

"What gave you the idea?"

Luke smiled. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that Noah was the first thing you talked about?"

"I'm just worried about his medical condition,"

"Yeah, right." And Luke's face turned serious. "But…we talked last night. About the way he treated me when he was blind."

"Oh?" Reid tried to feign disinterest, already knowing that he wasn't doing a very good job.

"And I said I needed time."

"For what?" Okay, there was no use sounding nonchalant now.

Luke looked at the table and sighed, avoiding Reid's gaze. "To figure out what I want."

Reid was as direct as he could be without being snarky. "So you don't know what you want. Yet."

"Reid…this isn't easy. I can't jump from being with someone to being with another person like that."

"Right. But let me remind you that you were _ **not**_  together. Haven't been for some time. And…it's not as if you are with someone right now."

"Right," Luke said. "Well, I'm not; but…There's this thing between us…"

"Which is clearly not defined…"

"It is…but I can't pretend it doesn't exist. I don't want to." Luke's hand held Reid's over the table, feeling an electric current passing between them and knowing Reid was feeling it too. "What are we doing, Reid?"

Reid wanted to say  _'I don't know about you, but I'm falling for you; and falling hard.'_  Instead, he settled for "Hell if I know."

"Neither do I."  _'I just know I can't stop this and I think about you more and more each day.'_

Reid shrugged. "I thought we had agreed to spend some time together and see where this is going."

Luke nodded. "You…understand that Noah needs me, don't you? I'm all he has."

' _No.'_  Reid sighed. "Yes. But are you staying with him out of guilt, pity or…love?"

Luke grimaced, "I'm not staying with him. I'm just helping him; I can't leave him alone."

"Whatever."

"You don't understand."

"I do. More than you think. I just hope that whatever decision you make is based on the right reasons."

"And the right reasons are…?"

Reid looked directly at Luke. "What  _ **you**_  want, Luke. What makes you happy, or whatever the sappiness you choose to call it. But it has to be about you. Not Noah, not anyone else. Just you."

' _I don't know what I want, other than being here with you now_.' "So…you'll be cool with…whatever I happen to decide?"

Reid shrugged again. "It's your life; you call the shots about it."  _'And mine, because I could never be just your friend.'_

The waitress came with their food. Luke took a sip of his water, then calmly opened his strap bag and grabbed three bottles of pills. Reid read the labels. "CellCept", "Prednisone" and "Prograf". The doctor frowned deeply.

"You take immunosuppressants?"

Luke's face twisted in a frown. "I had a kidney transplant when I was sixteen."

Reid arched his eyebrows. No wonder Luke was always at the hospital. Thinking about it, Luke was so familiar with everyone there and knew the place so well that Reid wondered how many times he had gone there for check-ups and not for Noah.

"No wonder you don't drink. Alcohol and immunosupressants are a bad combination."

Luke didn't reply at first. He took some pills out of the bottles, swallowed them with his water and put the bottles in his strap bag again. "That's not the only reason why I can't drink."

Reid just frowned at him, waiting for the blond to go on.

"There's a lot you don't know about me," Luke said uncomfortably. "I'm an alcoholic," he said in a hurry, deciding to be open about this. Reid should know who he was dealing with.

"Wow." Richie Rich had a dark past, just like in the romance novels.

"Maybe…" Luke's voice was hesitant. "Maybe you should think twice before having anything to do with me."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I said I'm an alcoholic, didn't you hear? I'm clean now, but it's an everyday battle."

"Yep." Reid nodded. "I heard perfectly. You're an alcoholic brat; you have a transplanted kidney, tons of money and two dads. You're also stubborn, you have an easy smile, wear your heart on your sleeve and everyone seems to like you. Did I leave something out?"

"I guess not," the corners of Luke's mouth turned upwards.

"And I'm a brilliant, good-looking neurosurgeon, who's claustrophobic, with no friends and no personal life, like you said; I have a dry sense of humor, acid remarks that I give freely to everyone who crosses my path and I'm not that into people. As you can see, I'm not perfect, even if it pains me to admit it. No one is perfect, Luke. I'd say we're quite a match."

Luke smiled, amazed at the fact that Reid didn't seem to mind at all about his addiction, when others always made a big deal of it. "Yeah, we are."

They started eating in a comfortable silence, only broken by some comment tossed here and there. Luke marveled at the way Reid attacked his food, like there was no tomorrow. In the beginning he had doubted the man was going to eat everything, but he did; and when he finished he called the waitress and lift his cup to her. "Another one."

"Do you work out?" Luke asked out of the blue.

"You can say that. I do Yoga every day; actually, every night that I'm not working."

"Yoga?"

Reid nodded. "In the middle of the night. It drives Katie crazy. Power Yoga for fitness and Hatha Yoga for stress. It helps me relax."

"In the middle of the night?"

"Did you swallow a tape recorder?"

"Huh?"

"Just forget it. Yes, I work out. Why?"

"Judging by the amount you eat, you should have a huge belly by now."

"What can I say? I was born with a fast metabolism."

Luke eyed Reid, amused. Both men stayed a few seconds looking at each other, fond smiles on their lips. Then, Luke's phone rang, startling them.

"Yeah?" Luke answered. "Yes, Grandma. I'm on my way. No…I stopped at Java first to grab a coffee. Don't worry. Okay, see you there."

"Duty calls?" Reid asked.

"Yeah, I gotta go." Luke held Reid's hand again and squeezes it briefly. "Sorry to leave like that."

"That's alright. I have to go to the hospital anyway. I'll just wait for my coffee."

"Bye," Luke said, reaching into his pocket for money.

"Leave it. I invited you."

Luke got up and gave Reid a little smile. "Okay. Bye again."

Reid watched Luke go with a pensive expression. He couldn't help admiring the young man. Luke had nothing of the spoiled brat Reid had initially thought he was. Well, maybe just a little. But he had gone through so much in his life, and he was still so young…Anyone else would be bitter, but not Luke. He was the kind of person who never gave up, and who always believed in people and that everything would turn out alright in the end. This kind of people always annoyed Reid to no end. But on Luke it was…endearing.

Reid shook his head, not really believing what he was thinking. But it was true. With each passing day, he was more and more enticed by the young man. Luke's words came in his mind: " _this thing between us… I can't pretend it doesn't exist. I don't want to."_  Reid smiled to himself. He couldn't pretend either. He wanted Luke Snyder, in a way he couldn't remember wanting anyone before. And damn if he was going to let the guy walk straight to Noah's arms without a fight. Not when he knew he actually had a chance.

"Luke!" Reid called when Luke was almost at Java's door.

Luke turned his head with a half-smile.

"Here, eight o'clock tomorrow?" He shrugged. "I have a surgery at nine."

Luke gave him a full smile that illuminated the whole place and nodded. "Okay."

Reid's heart skipped a beat. He didn't know anyone with a smile brighter than Luke Snyder.


	6. Chapter 6

Two weeks later and Luke's days had fallen into a routine: wake up, have breakfast, go to the Foundation to get some work done. At eleven, take Noah to therapy, wait for him while chatting with Casey or Alison, take Noah back home, have lunch with him. After lunch, go back to the Foundation, work some more. At five, take Noah to therapy again, wait for him, take him home, and make him rest a little until dinner. Have dinner with Noah, Lily and the kids. Chat with Noah in the living room, sometimes watch a DVD until ten. Go to bed, sleep, dream. Wake up. Do it all over again.

There was only one different thing about his days: Reid. The doctor would send him a message every night, scheduling something for the next day. Sometimes it would be breakfast at a diner or at the hospital's cafeteria, sometimes just a cup of coffee at Java; other times Reid would ask Luke to meet him at the now under construction neurology wing so they could discuss the project. The doctor wasn't even pretending anymore that Bob Hughes was fully in his place in the project. Whenever Reid called and said he wanted to discuss the project, Luke would go eagerly, anxious to hear Reid's opinions about the new wing. Reid didn't go to the meetings with the architects anymore, but he was still very much in control of the wing. Luke couldn't call their meetings a 'date', but they did meet every single day, including weekends.

During the whole time they spent together, they didn't kiss once. Luke was glad for that, because he needed some time to put his life into perspective. Well, partially glad. Being with Reid everyday and keeping away from his touch was a very hard thing to do. Not that Reid tried to start anything, the doctor would always keep his hands to himself; but a part of Luke, deep down, expected him to do it and got a little too frustrated when he didn't. His moments with the doctor were light, full of banter and smiles – Reid had such a beautiful smile and because it was so rare, Luke loved to see it, especially when he was the one causing it. Whenever he was with Reid, Luke felt peaceful, giddy and smiled a lot.

Things with Noah were…fine. Luke was glad that Noah was okay. Noah was happy and really, in Luke's dictionary, that was all that mattered. He felt a profound love for Noah that he suspected would never go away. Luke needed to know Noah was happy and alright. It made him feel really good, like something in this world was fair, was as it was supposed to be. Noah had gone through so much…he deserved all the happiness in the world. He was raised without a mother, with a psycho authoritarian asshole as a father, realizing he was gay and without anyone to talk about it. It must've been hard. Luke knew how lucky he was having Lily and Holden, even if Lily initially didn't accept him being gay and had let Damien get in the way. He still had his friends, like Will, and Holden was the best father ever.

Noah was one of the most important people in Luke's life. Luke loved the time they spent together, chatting until late at night, like they had no worries in the world. Whenever he picked up Noah from therapy, the brunette would talk the whole time like an excited little boy until they got home, Luke found this completely endearing and irresistibly cute. He loved to spend time with Noah, he had been his first love, his first everything, and also was his best friend.

So…why couldn't Luke kiss him? Every time Noah tried to give him a kiss on the mouth, Luke would turn his face and the kiss would end up on Luke's cheek. Luke didn't understand how he could think about Reid kissing him – even if it hadn't happened lately – but he couldn't think about Noah's kisses? Noah's kisses, which he used to love so much and missed like hell when they broke up?

Fearing that he was subconsciously punishing Noah for pushing him away when he was blind, Luke redoubled his efforts and tried to be extra nice and attentive. It wasn't the same Noah anymore, Luke kept telling himself. This one was the old Noah, the sweet guy who would never hurt Luke, and not the blind one who seemed to be always looking for new ways to push him away. This Noah deserved his boyfriend back. But Luke couldn't be that old guy anymore, because he had changed too much in the last months, and for that, he felt sorry, and guilty. So, whenever he was with Noah, Luke felt confused, guilty and torn between deep affection and a little bit of resentment.

When Reid's message didn't come one Wednesday night, Luke missed it, but didn't care. Maybe Reid was in a night shift, maybe in surgery, maybe with a patient. But the following night Reid didn't call again and Luke started to worry. He wanted to call him, but he didn't want to make a fool of himself, because Reid had never said that they would see each other every day; they just did, and that was it.

Luke tried to ask Noah if he had seen the doctor at the hospital but Noah didn't answer and Luke assumed the other man hadn't heard him, and didn't ask again. Thinking about it, I was a little ridiculous to ask Noah about Reid. Luke felt bad hiding from Noah what was going on between him and the doctor. And, truth to be told, he wasn't sure what was going on anymore. From the way it looked, he and Reid were only good friends, who had kissed each other a couple of times. Or, it could be that Reid was respecting his need to decide things by himself and giving him time.

Luke felt bad, like a cheating boyfriend, when he waited for Noah to sleep and grabbed his cell phone, deciding to call Reid, when he hadn't heard from the doctor three days later. This was completely bull, because Luke and Noah were not boyfriends. Neither were Luke and Reid. He told himself that he was just worried that Reid hadn't sent him any messages. He was worried about his friend; that was it. So, when Noah went to bed, Luke called the doctor, and when the call went straight to voicemail, Luke got even more worried.

…

_On Wednesday morning, Reid had left the ICU with the hint of a smile on his face. His patient was getting better, already out of the mechanical ventilator, fully awake and starting to eat small amounts of food. Life was good. Reid was glad that she had pulled through the surgery; now it was time for recovery and therapy. Like Noah._

_The doctor frowned when he thought about his patient. He didn't dislike Noah, he truly didn't. Noah was polite, had an easy smile and seemed to be a good guy in general. And, Reid thought, he had to be special, or Luke wouldn't love him so much. Had loved. Still loved. Was in love with. Wasn't. Shit, this was so confusing that it was getting ridiculous. Anyway, what Reid didn't like was the fact that Noah treated Luke like he was an insect. Or at least had treated, before he regained his sight._

_Shaking his head, Reid went to his office and sat down behind his desk. Opening his day planner, he looked at the name of his next patient. "MAYER, Noah – Follow up." Reid sighed. Speaking of the devil…the last thing he wanted today was to see Noah and Luke together, because the blond would probably come with his…with Noah._

_Luke. Reid allowed him a moment to think about him. Since deciding he would win Luke – as ridiculous as the term 'win' someone sounded – Reid also decided he wasn't going to kiss Luke anymore. Unless the blond wanted to kiss him and initiated something, because it wasn't fair to himself. Reid knew he was completely into Luke and, knowing Luke was still undecided between him and Noah, it would hurt much more if he tasted Luke's kiss again and had to let him go. Luke had found a way to break Reid's walls, and now the doctor was a little lost, without knowing what to do with the fact that Luke was on his mind all the time, the only exception being when Reid was in the operating room._

_Reid had never been in a real relationship, not one that lasted, but he wanted one with Luke. He couldn't remember wanting something not related to medicine so much before. But the thing was that…he wanted Luke to want him back. He didn't want to force anything, or start something with the blond just to see Luke regretting it later. Luke already knew what Reid wanted; it was time for the blond to decide what_ _**he** _ _wanted. So Reid figured he would just be around, see Luke every day, and try to be less acerbic and more - ugh – nice. Just so Luke wouldn't forget him. If Luke wanted him, he was confident the blond would tell him so, or Reid would get the hint, because Luke wore his heart on his sleeve. If Luke chose Noah, Reid would know, because Luke would never be able to hide it; his eyes and his open manners would tell._

_Reid had entered his office by the back door; he hated when he walked in by the front door and had to listen to the patients in the waiting room complaining that they had been waiting too long. Every patient in the world should know that doctors never arrive on time, because they're often with other patients who need their attention too. Especially someone like Reid, with a waiting list so long he couldn't even count. He was very dedicated to his patients but he would be very glad if they understood that, if he didn't arrive on time, it wasn't because he was lazy or sleeping or having fun; it was because he was taking care of someone else._

" _Helen" he said to his secretary through the speaker, "Has Mr. Mayer arrived?"_

" _Yes, doctor."_

" _Send him in."_

_Noah arrived alone. He shook Reid's hand, sat down in front of him and gave him the report about his progress that the therapist had sent to Reid. He remained silent during the time it took for Reid to read the report. Then, they started a polite conversation in which Reid tried to avoid Luke's name at all costs, telling himself that he didn't care and wasn't going to have his hopes up just because Luke hadn't come with Noah._

_When the time for the physical examination came, Reid called his nurse assistant, basically because he wanted to keep his time alone with Noah to a minimum. He told himself again that he wasn't dislike for his patient – just the way he treated Luke – but in face of the animosity Noah had recently showed towards him –which was surprisingly absent today – Reid thought it would be wiser to have someone else with him during the exam._

_Noah was fine; in fact, he was great. Reid made a complete physical examination and Noah's condition was excellent; his sight had returned almost completely; it was up to 95% now. His right hand's movement was still slow, but it was considerably better. Only Noah's memory had made no progress, but Reid wasn't worried, considering that Noah's brain had bled and he could've ended up as a vegetable if Reid hadn't stopped the bleeding in time. The memory loss could revert in time; or not. But it wouldn't affect Noah's physical progress or his ability to fully live his life._

_Reid thanked the nurse and asked her to leave them alone after Noah put his clothes back on. Then he sat behind his desk again and motioned for Noah to sit down while he wrote on Noah's clipboard._

" _Here," he said, while writing a new prescription for Noah's eyes. "Use this drops every four hours. And I want to see you in a month; unless you feel anything, then just call Helen and say you're coming."_

" _Thanks, Dr. Oliver," Noah said, appearing grateful and relieved._

" _Any questions?" Reid asked, relieved that he had been able to go through this without Noah's animosity coming back and without talking about a certain blond._

" _Yeah, I have a question; in fact, I have two."_

" _Okay."_

_Noah's back straightened anxiously and he leaned a bit forward. "Can I go back to college?"_

_Reid considered that for a few seconds. "As long as you don't over-do it, and don't take too many classes…yes, you can go back; it may be even good for you."_

" _Thanks, doctor," Noah got up smiling and shook Reid's hand. "It was a pleasure seeing you."_

" _Wait…didn't you say you had another question?"_

" _Oh, yeah! That's right, I have!" Noah's face lit up like a boy on Christmas Eve. He sat down again, smiling at Reid. "My boyfriend and I, we…want to move in together. Do you think I can?"_

_Reid felt a pang in his chest and he had to make a real effort not to wince. "I don't see why it would be a problem, Mr. Mayer."_

" _The thing is…I love his mom and the kids, but…we need some time alone. We have an apartment, I mean, we had. We were living together when the accident happened. Gosh, it's so strange to talk about it in the past! It feels like it was yesterday since we were in our own home."_

" _I'm sure you'll get used to it," Reid said, not moving a muscle of his face._

" _When I knew it had been so many months since the accident, I was worried that Luke had…given up on me, on us. But today he told me our apartment is in the same condition we left it. Luke left everything the way it was when we were living together. I guess that says a lot about his feelings for me, don't you think?"_

" _I'm not a sentimental advisor, Mr. Mayer."_

" _Okay, sorry." Noah smiled sheepishly. "I, um, I forgot that your bedside manners suck. I was just…I'm so happy that he waited all his time, that he kept our house intact, waiting for us and that now we can get back to it, reconnect and start again."_

" _Again," Reid said, "I see no point in you telling me this."_

" _Well, you see…now that we're really going to spend time alone, with no one to interrupt us…I was wondering if…I'm allowed to…you know, if I'm allowed to…"_

_Reid felt a cold hand gripping at his insides. "Have sex?" he decided to be direct and be done with it._

_Noah blushed. "Um…yeah, that's it."_

_Reid refrained from sighing tiredly. "If you take it easy…yes, you're allowed to have sex."_

_Thank you, Dr. Oliver!" Noah got up in a rush, shook Reid's hand enthusiastically and left the room._

_Reid didn't even blink. "Helen," he said to the speaker," Send the next patient in."_

…

When Reid's cell phone went to voicemail, Luke decided to call the hospital. He wasn't going to ask to talk to Reid or anything, but he wanted to know if the doctor was working the night shifts that week. It would explain why Reid had suddenly disappeared for three days after two weeks of seeing each other constantly. But Reid wasn't there, and Luke's anxiety grew, inexplicably. He knew Reid had a very busy life, hectic even, and if he couldn't call because he was working, it was okay. But he wasn't working and he wasn't answering his calls. What the hell could the reason for this be?

Luke thought about it for some time and decided to call Katie's apartment. Again, no one answered. Looking at is watch, he flinched. It was already nine PM. Katie was probably sleeping. But he knew that Reid never slept early, so why wasn't he answering? Luke decided to throw caution to the wind and called Katie's cell phone.

" _Luke?"_  said Katie, worry in her voice.

"Sorry to call you at this time, Katie…But I need to talk to Reid and…he's not answering his cell phone."

" _Something happened to Noah?"_  she wanted to know.

"Oh, no! Don't worry. It's just that…we…I have an important meeting tomorrow and I want to talk to him about the…uh…the new wing." Luke closed his eyes, flinching at the lame excuse.

" _Oh."_  She said with a knowing voice.  _"He was home when I left. Chris invited me and Jacob to have dinner with him, Bob and Kim."_

"Well, I'll keep trying. I'll call him again."

" _Don't waste your time. He said he was going to leave his cell phone inside his briefcase. I think he can be reached through his beeper, but only the hospital has the number, and tonight he left someone else in his place in case someone needs it. Oh, and I doubt he heard the phone ringing at home, considering the way he was."_

"The way he was?"

" _He has been having this monster headache, I think since…Wednesday. Today he came home with a strong painkiller, said another doctor was covering for him and disappeared inside his bedroom. He didn't even eat."_

"Look, I really need to talk to him."

" _Can't you wait until tomorrow?"_

Luke couldn't explain why, but he needed to talk to Reid tonight. He had to. In fact, he needed to see him. "No. It can't."

" _Gosh…Look, if it's this urgent, why don't you go there?"_

…..

Luke did as Kate had told him and looked for the key inside the plant vase. Apparently she left it there for Henry, who lost his keychain. When he got inside, the first thing he noted was that the house was completely dark, not even a light in the kitchen. He closed the door softly and went straight to Reid's bedroom.

He didn't know what he expected to find there. It was dark too, except from the moonlight coming from the open window. Reid was lying on the bed, covered just from his waist down, apparently sleeping calmly. Luke sighed and prepared to leave, because obviously he wouldn't be inconsiderate and wake the man up, but then Reid's beeper went off.

Luke stood there, paralyzed, while Reid's hand appeared from under the covers, grabbed the beeper, turned it off, then picked up his cell phone and pressed speed dial. Then the doctor put the phone on his ear, not even bothering to open his eyes while doing all this. He had obviously done it countless times in his life.

"Yes, this is Dr. Oliver." his voice was low and laced with sleep, but the words were clear. "Okay, put him on. Hello, Jameson, what happened? Yeah, he's not my patient but I've heard of the case. No, I don't believe its encephalitis, but if he has brain swelling…have you started Mannitol and Dexamethasone already? What about the CT? Oh. Okay, then it may be bacterial or viral. Why don't you start Cefotaxime and Gancyclovir? Is he stable? Alright, I see, schedule a MRI for tomorrow morning then. I'll be there first thing in the morning."

It was only when Reid opened his eyes and turned to put the phone back on the bedside table that he saw Luke standing there. "What the hell?" he said, turning on the small lamp on the bedside table. "You almost gave me a heart attack," he said, sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

"I…Um…I – I'm sorry." Luke stammered, uncomfortable. What excuse did he have for invading Reid's privacy like that? None that he could think of. "I...I just…never mind. I'm leaving. Sorry again."

"What are you doing here?"

"I…I was worried about you," Luke said, body half-turned to go.

"Worried? Why?"

"You didn't call."

"And? Is that a reason to come here in the middle of the night to watch me sleep? This is freaking weird, even for you."

"Uh…It's only nine-thirty."

"Oh." Reid frowned, looking around. "Whatever. You couldn't have waited until tomorrow? I'm sure whatever it is that you want could – "

"You would keep ignoring my calls like you did today. I had to come, I wanted to…talk."

Reid looked annoyed, but motioned for Luke to get inside. "Sit down," he said, and the blond looked around seeing that there was no chair in the room. "You can sit on the bed," the doctor deadpanned, while grabbing a t-shirt from the headboard and putting it on. "I won't try anything against your virtue."

Luke sat down on the corner of the bed, the farthest from Reid that he could manage.

"Okay," Reid said, wearing his usual blank face. "You said you wanted to talk. Then talk."

Suddenly all thought fled Luke's mind and jumped out the window. All he could think of saying was the true reason for his sudden visit. "I haven't heard from you for three days."

Reid arched his eyebrows and pursed his lips, but his eyes didn't change from their blank expression. "I thought I should give you some time to adjust to your new home. Or…your old home. Whatever."

Luke frowned, puzzled. "New home?"

"Oh, you didn't move to your love nest yet?"

Luks scratched his head. "What the hell you're talking about?"

"Yours and Noah's love nest, obviously. Haven't you moved yet?"

"I – I'm not moving, especially with Noah. What gave you that idea?" Reid got up and Luke had to avert his eyes, because the man was only in his cotton boxers and his t-shirt and looked incredibly sexy, especially with bed head.

"Your boyfriend kindly informed me during his follow-up consultation." Reid's face was like set in stone when he turned to face Luke.

"What?"

The genuine puzzlement on Luke's face made Reid's face soften a little. "Noah had a follow-up consultation on Wednesday with me." The doctor started, patiently. "During which he informed me you kept the old apartment you lived in together and now you're moving in again. Both of you," the last sentence was more like an accusation, even if Reid tried to keep the neutral tone.

…

" _What about our old apartment, Luke?" Noah wanted to know one night._

" _It's still there," Luke said, smiling a little. "It's still exactly the way we left it." The truth was that Luke was unable to force himself to go back there, since the accident. He knew the empty place would make him more sad, especially when Noah started to treat him badly and pushed him away._

" _So…it's still there…" Noah smiled brightly._

" _Yep. I wanted to wait for you to get better, so we could decide what to do with the place." Luke shrugged. "I'm almost sure that some of your stuff is still there."_

" _Can you take me there?" Noah wanted to know._

" _Sure…I'll ask Mrs. Yates to clean it and we'll go there one of these days."_

…

"Reid…" Luke said, confused. "I don't know why Noah said that to you. We talked about the apartment, but all he said was that he wanted me to take him there some time and I said I would. We never spoke about moving back in together."

"You didn't even…You left the place the way it was when you two lived there." Reid didn't want to sound like a jealous guy, but he couldn't help it. "What, you've been paying the rent all this time?" Reid went to the window, his back turned to Luke, so the blond wouldn't see the anger written all over his face.

"Um…I never had to pay for it. The apartment is my mother's. Noah doesn't know that. He was always too proud for his own good."

Reid didn't say anything else. He just stood there facing the dark street through the window trying to keep calm. Luke got up and went to him, stopping one step from the doctor.

"Reid…I left everything the way it was because I didn't want to go there, after the accident. I didn't want to see what I had lost, especially since Noah blamed me and pushed me away. And when you arrived in Oakdale, and all the uncertainty about the surgery, the neurology wing, us working together…the truth is that I completely forgot about the place. I didn't even think about it anymore…just the other day when Noah asked about it."

Reid still didn't answer. Luke tentatively put a hand on his shoulder and smiled when Reid didn't shrug his hand off. "You believe me, don't you?"

"It's not as if you owe me an explanation," Reid said softly. "You don't owe me anything."

"Maybe I don't. But I owe it to myself…to do what I want; to be with someone when I want to."

Reid sighed, but didn't turn around, not wanting Luke to see the turmoil in his face.

"I'm not moving in with Noah. He totally misunderstood our conversation. We're not back together." Luke slowly forced Reid to turn around and face him. "And I'm here," he whispered.

"I can see that, but…Why are you here, Luke?" Reid asked, eyes storming.

"Because I missed you. And I…can't stop this feeling any longer. I want to be with you."

Reid's eyes locked on Luke's and for a few seconds they didn't move.

"I care about you Reid, and I hope you're okay with the fact that I'm going to kiss you now," Luke said in a low and husky tone.

"Thank God," Reid said, in a soft breath.

The kiss started as a tender one, a simple brush of their lips, and they held each other, wanting to be closer. When Luke couldn't suppress a small moan, Reid immediately pushed his tongue inside Luke's mouth, eager to taste him, and his hand went to the back of Luke's neck, deepening the kiss.

Luke felt like he was floating. His heart was beating fast and he couldn't control it. He didn't even want to move, afraid to break the kiss, wake up and realize that he was dreaming. He knew what he wanted to happen, and it was almost hard to believe that it looked like it was actually going to happen.

They broke the kiss, but they didn't move at first. Reid looked at the blond and it was as if he was silently asking for permission to go on. Luke held Reid's gaze and smiled, trying to say yes, he wanted to be here, he wanted this, but he couldn't say a word. So he nodded a little and kissed Reid's lips softly. Reid's face lit up with a small but beautiful smile and he returned the kiss, resting his hands possessively on the small of Luke's back.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, and then Reid started to unbutton Luke's shirt slowly, trying to give the young man time to adjust to the situation. But, as more skin was exposed, their breaths turned to soft gasps because they wanted each other with an intensity that amazed both men. Reid's movements became more urgent and soon the shirt was slipping to the floor. Luke's trembling hands grabbed the hem of Reid's t-shirt and he took it off Reid in one fluid movement. Bodies touched and they moved together, kissing again. Luke's pants and underwear joined the shirts on the floor, followed by Reid's boxers, neither man wanting to stay away from the other for even a second.

Reid's hands were like fire on Luke's skin. He traced every inch of Luke's back and torso, then his arms and shoulders, stopping at the back of Luke's neck. He started kissing Luke's neck, marveling at the ivory skin, smiling a little at Luke's soft gasps. The redhead could hardly believe that Luke, the brat with a silver spoon that he used to dislike so much, the most accurate personification of Richie Rich he had ever known, had turned into someone he wanted so much, someone whose opinion and feelings mattered so much to him. Having Luke in his arms felt right like nothing else and Reid knew that he was going to do anything to keep him there.

Luke trembled under Reid's touch, head spinning madly like a crazy carousel. He had no idea that Reid's touch could turn him on like that, but deep down he knew it wasn't just lust. Something inside his heart was fluttering; a pleasant and warm feeling long forgotten after months of loneliness and uncertainty. For the first time in what he knew was a very long time, he felt like everything was alright.

Reid broke the kiss and eyed Luke again with such intensity that the blond felt his heart stop at the want he saw there. No one, not even Noah, had looked at him like that. Luke tried to send the same message with his eyes, as he silently took Reid's hand and walked a few steps back until they reached the bed. Reid followed him, eyes glued to his, seeming to search inside Luke's very soul. Luke sat and slowly lay on the bed, Reid silently following him, their hands still intertwined.

There were no clothes between them, but the initial urgency had gone for now. Their hands softly and slowly explored each other's every curve, learning contours and mapping muscles they didn't want to forget. It was beautiful, peaceful and at the same time, the most sexy thing they had ever experienced.

Reid's hand traveled slowly to Luke's back and the young man arched, giving him access. When Reid touched Luke's bare ass, Luke closed his eyes and threw his head back, exposing his throat, and Reid shuddered, because it had to be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Heart beating fast, Reid kissed Luke's neck and, hearing Luke's soft moan made him growl, although he didn't even noticed. But Luke heard it and opened his eyes, staring intently at him.

"Reid…"

Reid shuddered at his name on Luke's lips. The things this guy could do to him amazed and scared him at the same time. He knew it was his fault that he had never allowed himself to feel what he was feeling now; but he didn't regret it, because it was almost as if he had been waiting the whole time for this, for this man in his arms, this annoying  _ **kid**_ , to finally make his walls come crashing down one by one.

"Reid…" Luke said again, this time pleading.

"Luke…" Reid closed his eyes, trying to control himself, or this would end too fast. He took a few breaths and opened his eyes again. "What do you want, Luke? Tell me."

"I want you," Luke breathed.

Without a word, Reid stretched his arm until he reached the bedside table's small drawer. He retrieved a condom and lube and put them beside Luke's head. It wasn't time for words, and even if Reid wanted, he knew there was no words that would be enough for what he was feeling when he heard Luke wanted him; because he wanted Luke so, so badly it was getting hard to breath.

When Reid's coated fingers started to prepare him, Luke gave a small whimper, wanting to close his eyes and simply  _ **feel**_. He was glad he didn't, because when he looked at Reid, what he read in the other's blue eyes made everything stop. In that moment, Luke Snyder didn't need any words to know he had found a true treasure: the heart of someone who protected his feelings like a lion. And he knew he would never, could never throw that treasure away.

Luke grabbed the condom, not wanting Reid's touch to leave him, and put it slowly on Reid. Only then, Reid's hand left him and the older man hovered over Luke. "Are you okay?" he asked. Luke could only nod, because he didn't trust himself to speak.

Then Reid went slowly inside, inch by inch, until all he could feel, smell, hear and see was Luke, around him, separating him from the rest of the world, leaving space for nothing else. He kissed Luke slowly, feeling their connection so strongly any sudden movement would be too much.

Luke's hand searched for his, a silent indication that he was fine, and their fingers linked again, palms sweaty and hot. It was Reid who started to move, at first just a little, barely thrusting inside, taking his time, wanting this to last forever. Luke arched his back and threw his head back, lost in the feeling of Reid everywhere. It was slow at first, but when Reid increased the pace, Luke grabbed his shoulders, fingers leaving marks on Reid's skin.

"Oh God," Luke moaned, unable to remain silent.

It was like breaking a dam. With a guttural moan, Reid started to go faster and deeper with each thrust, and suddenly it was all heat and storm and _ **now**_ , like a giant wave crashing around them drowning both men in a spiral of movement and sweat. They couldn't stop now, both completely lost in each other, the previous silent bedroom filled by moans, until Luke opened his mouth in a silent gasp, stars exploding behind his eyes. Reid kissed him, swallowing his moans, his brain turning to jelly as his whole body trembled with the strength of his own release.

It took them some time to come back down to Earth. Reid recovered first, disentangling himself slowly from Luke, who had his eyes closed, the pure image of bliss. The older man discarded the condom on the nearby trash can and grabbed some tissues to clean them both. Only when he felt Reid's hands on him, Luke opened his eyes and smiled.

Reid kissed Luke softly on the lips. "Will you stay a while?"

Luke didn't even think twice. Smiling, he threw his arms around Reid's neck. "Yeah." He wanted to say that it had been wonderful, that he had never imagined he would feel that kind of emotion – that crazy mix of lust and tenderness – again, but looking at Reid he knew the other man understood. Luke closed his eyes and turned to one side, Reid molding himself behind him, holding Luke as close as possible. Together, they drifted off to sleep, soft smiles on their lips.


	7. Chapter 7

The pale light filtered through the curtains. Luke opened his eyes and blinked a little adjusting to the light. Looking at the clock on the table, saw it was five-thirty and groaned, burying his face on the pillow. Behind him, Reid was sleeping, apparently, like a stone. Quietly, very quietly, Luke took Reid's arm and removed from his waist. Moving slowly, so he wouldn't wake Reid, Luke turned on his other side. Now facing the doctor, ran his hand lightly over the reddish hair.

Reid mumbled something and opened his eyes slowly. He frowned, looking around a little. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," Luke answered.

Reid looked at the clock too and was direct as ever. "Don't tell me. You have to go."

Luke grimaced. "I do. No one saw me leave they'll all freak out if they wake up and I'm not home."

"Do they realize you're a grown man? You may look twelve, but you're an adult."

"That's the Snyder family for you."

Reid groaned and stretched. "Lucky for you it's not so dark anymore."

"Yeah. Sorry to wake you up so early."

"I'm used to it; comes with the job, to wake up at ungodly hours."

"Even so, I'm sorry." He paused. "And…I'm sorry to have to leave like this."

Reid, who was lying on his side, rolled a little on his back and stared at the ceiling. "You don't even have to say it I get it. You want to spare Noah the stress of finding out you spent the night with me."

Luke sighed. He knew Reid didn't like it, but what could he say? He hated lying and he wasn't going to start enjoying it now. "Yeah. I don't think it's good for him, you know, to worry about this now. He just had a surgery and…"

Reid snorted. "And it would look too much like you're cheating on him."

"Hey," Luke grabbed the back of Reid's neck, forcing the other man to look at him. "I'm not cheating on anybody. Noah and I are  _ **not**_  back together."

"Maybe you should try to tell him that. The way he acted, I'm pretty sure he thinks you are."

"I can't, not now." Luke paused, and then added, "He needs me."

Reid gave him a dry, forced smile. "I understand that you are the king of self-blaming and self-punishment, but…what about what  _ **you**_  need?"

"I'm all he has, Reid. Noah has no one in the world. He really, really needs someone."

"And that someone  _ **has**_  to be you. Pffff."

"Look, his sight is back, he's getting better…that's what counts now."

"If that's the only thing that counts for you, we have a lot to discuss. But that's not what I asked. I asked ' _what about what you want'_ , Luke; don't turn this about Noah, my question was about you".

"I'll be alright, as long as I can be there for him."

"Shit," Reid closed his eyes. "I knew you were going to say that. If I could win a dollar for each accurate guess, I'd be a rich man. It's so like you, turning everything about other people so you don't have to make a decision, and I don't know why you – "

"I can't just  _ **leave**_  him, Reid. Not now. I would never forgive myself."

The redhead sighed. "So…where does that leave us?"

Luke traced the contour of Reid's jaw with his fingers. "We'll have to wait."

"For how long?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know a lot of things, Luke," Reid's annoyance was evident.

"I know that right here, right now, I'm where I want to be the most. Isn't that enough?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe that's enough for now, but it's not going to be enough forever. I can't be your dirty little secret; that's not me, I can't do that."

"Reid…this is not a one night stand. I care about you. I hope you know it."

"Good, because it doesn't look like that from where I'm standing." Reid's voice was dry.

Luke held Reid's face with both is hands and kissed him softly, "I'm just asking for some time; please..? I'm not asking for you to wait forever."

"You better not be, because I won't. I told you, I never play games. The only way I can live is being direct about everything; including this. " Reid ran his hand through his hair and sighed, "But I understand that you're…worried about him. And I'm not sure he'll still want to be my patient when you tell him about us."

"You do have a point there."

Reid sighed again. "Okay, I'll give you your time, Luke. Just don't…exaggerate, okay?"

"Hey, it's me we're talking about. When did I exaggerate on anything?"

Reid rolled his eyes. "Imagine that."

…

Luke opened the door of Lily's house slowly. Looking at his watch he saw it was six o'clock; he still had time for a shower before everyone was up. In his bedroom, he took off his clothes and took a quick shower, put on a pair of sweatpants and, not hearing any noises indicating that people were starting to wake up, lay on his bed on his back, staring at the ceiling.

Almost instantaneously the night with Reid came to his mind. It was amazing how good they were together, how they clicked and fit perfectly after knowing each other for such a short time, when it had taken him and Noah two whole years to find the "right moment" to have a more intimate relationship. Luke knew now, that the right moment was when both were on the same page and that it wasn't something that should be "discussed" or have its pros and cons pondered numerous time like he and Noah had done.

The right moment simply happened, when emotions and desire between two people were strong and there was no way to hold the feelings anymore: that's what had happened with Luke and Reid last night, and Luke had never imagined that it could be so beautiful and hot at the same time. Luke and Noah had discussed so much about the right moment to have sex, that it took half its magic, and when it happened…sure, it was great, but not like last night with Reid. In fact, nothing Luke had experienced ever came close to last night.

Luke frowned, trying to think clearly and analyze his true feelings for Reid and Noah, but now he was afraid that his opinions would be biased by what had happened. Still, he couldn't regret last night, ever. And he knew it was going to happen again and again, because he wanted it to happen, no doubt about that.

He cared about Noah and Reid, but he wasn't sure about anything else besides that. Sure, he would always love Noah, but now he had forced himself to move on, and he had succeeded. He would always want Noah in his life; he was a wonderful person and Luke wanted him around no matter what, but having him as a boyfriend was a whole different matter.

As for Reid…Luke caught himself smiling and realized that, every time he thought about Reid lately, it made him smile. Could he be falling for the doctor? After such a short time of losing what he considered to be the love of his life? Could he have been so wrong and Noah  _ **wasn't**_ the love of his life? All Luke knew was that he wanted Reid around, not only as a friend. Reid made him feel good, important, wanted. And that was something Luke valued a lot, because he knew how difficult it was for the doctor to let someone inside his private world. Once again, he asked himself what he felt for him, but it was all too new to define.

The last thing he thought before sleep claimed him was Reid's face smiling.

…

Reid didn't go back to sleep after Luke left. He was wide awake now, so he decided to take a shower, eat something and review some patients' files for the week. It was Sunday and he wasn't on duty, but he still had patients he had to see today. The problem was that, every time he started to read something, Luke's face appeared before his eyes.

He tried to concentrate once more, already knowing it was useless. There was nothing he could do to stop the flow of thoughts about last night. The way Luke moaned when Reid's hands caressed his soft skin; the way his hair looked, plastered on his forehead because of the sweat; the tightness of being inside him; the intensity of his gaze; the emotion of finally having Luke in his arms after everything that had happened.

Reid never considered himself a lucky man in the love department, but then again, he never really cared about it. Being a doctor had always been his goal in life, and once he got that, it  _ **became**_  his life. Now, everything was upside down, and Reid didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing.

Sure, being with Luke was definitely a good thing, but Reid didn't know where Luke's heart was in all this. Reid had never had time for modesty; he knew he was better than the tall young brunette, in all aspects. The problem was that Luke Snyder had never cared about who was the best; he only cared about his feelings, and Reid knew that Noah had dominated those feelings for such a long time that it was impossible to know if Luke was feeling guilty, if he was just used to love Noah, if he liked the guy as a friend and hadn't realized it yet or if Noah Mayer was truly the love of Luke's life.

Knowing he would have to wait until Noah's full recovery was pissing him off. If he was an intelligent man, he would do what his brain was telling him and end things with Luke before he was more invested in this than he should be. It definitely wasn't safe to fall for a guy who was still pining for someone else. Besides, they were too different, like water and oil, like day and night. How the hell would they work together? And why the hell couldn't Reid get Luke out of his head?

The problem was that he couldn't find in himself the strength to deny Luke the time he had asked. Something flashed in the back of his mind, telling him that he had made a big mistake by agreeing to hide their…relationship from Noah and, consequently, from everybody. He was aiming for a big disappointment, he knew that.

He wasn't a man to hide anything, had never been, not even when he was a child. He knew some people didn't like his direct approach, but to hell with them. That was the way Reid Oliver was since he was born, and there was no way he would change that. It had been…necessary, and now it was part of him. The person who stayed with him would have to buy the whole package. He hated lying and he hated hiding. But Luke had asked and Reid, as the big fool he was, falling hard for a guy for the first fucking time in his life, had said yes.

He felt completely out of his element. Luke made him feel like his whole life could change at any minute, and this feeling annoyed him to no end. But how could he stop this now? If someone could tell him how to stop the avalanche of feelings that drowned his not-used-to-feelings persona every time he saw Luke Snyder, he would be eternally grateful. But there was no way back now. Luke had already seeing him bare, and it was useless to hide from the guy that he had fallen for, after the night they'd had, when Reid allowed his body and his eyes to talk for him and had shown Luke how much he cared.

…

Sundays were usually good at the Snyder's place. This day was no exception. When Luke woke up, realizing it was already ten, he got dressed and rushed to the kitchen, where he found Lily and Noah talking excitedly.

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty," Noah greeted.

After chatting with them a little, Lily excused herself and left them alone. Luke poured some coffee in a cup and grabbed a donut from the table. Apparently Holden had already been there with his Sunday treats for the kids.

As soon as Luke sat by the dinner table, Noah grabbed is hand and looked directly at his eyes. "You never told me that you finished my film for me."

Luke, remembering Noah's reaction when he first told him about the film, grimaced and assumed a defensive posture instantaneously. "Look, Noah, I didn't want to steal your glory or anything," he said, body rigid and tense. "I just didn't want you to be out of the contest; the instructions you left were pretty clear and easy to follow, and there were just a couple of scenes missing and…"

"Hey, calm down," Noah squeezed Luke's hand. "It's alright; you did an amazing job."

Luke blinked a few times, amazed by the difference between this Noah and the blind one. "I did?"

"Yeah. The film was great."

"Wait, wait, wait. How did you know I finished the film for you?"

"I was…taking a look around and I found a CD in the studio labeled "Noah's film". Then I asked your mother and she confirmed that you had finished the film for me. And then I watched it."

"Uh…" Luke didn't know what to say. "Did you know you won a prize?"

"Lily told me. She even showed me the plaque. Thank you, Luke. You're…amazing."

Luke's heart fluttered with joy. He had wanted so much for Noah to…just acknowledge that Luke wanted to be there for him, that he would do anything to help him…but Noah never had. And seeing Noah sweet and happy now, thanking him for something he had done with the best of intentions was a good thing. A very good thing, indeed. "I'm not. You're the amazing one. I mean…look at your film! All your talent is there, it's so obvious."

"Thank you. But I would've never done anything if it wasn't for you. I owe you so much, Luke."

"You don't owe me anything." Luke shrugged.

"There's this film festival in Chicago…I was thinking I could sign up for it. I mean, I've never watched the film on the big screen. It would be good."

"Of course, it's a great idea!"

"Will you go to Chicago with me? I want to watch my film with the person who supported me through everything."

"Sure, Noah. Let's watch your film on the big screen."

"Can I give you a hug?" Noah asked.

"Uh?" Luke eyed him suspiciously.

"It's a thank you hug, Luke. Come on, get up."

Luke got up slowly, uncertain of what would come next. Noah stepped forward and enveloped him in a big bear hug. Initially it was good, Luke could feel Noah's happiness and patted his back awkwardly. But when Noah tried to kiss him, Luke turned his face.

"What the hell, Luke?" Noah said, releasing Luke so abruptly that the blond actually lost his balance. "You can't give me even a kiss anymore?"

"Noah…" Luke tried to argue.

"You despise me, don't you? You resent me, and you come with this bullshit talk that you want to help with my recovery. I don't need your pity, Luke!" Noah was yelling now.

"Noah, calm down, please!" Luke said, putting a hand on Noah's shoulder, but the brunet shoved his hand away.

"I don't want your pity, you hear me? You and your oh so big heart! I'm not one of your charity cases, Luke!" Noah grabbed Luke by the shoulders and started to shake him.

"Noah, stop!" Luke yelled too, his head already hurting from the violent shaking.

"You think you're so noble and perfect! Suddenly I'm not good enough for you anymore, huh? Who knows if all this 'you're hurt because I pushed you away' bullshit isn't a plan to end things with me because you're tired and you want to get rid of me?"

"I know," said Lily's voice from behind. "It's all true. Let go of my son, Noah."

Noah released Luke as if he had been burned. Eyes wide, he gave a few steps back, a hand covering his mouth. "Oh my God, I…I'm sorry…"

"It's alright Noah," Luke said warily.

"I don't know wh – what happened, I swear," Noah's eyes were pools of anguish. "I would never hurt you, Luke."

"I think it's better if we go for a walk, Noah…what do you think? Come on, let's go," Lily said, holding Noah's arm gently.

Noah let himself be led from the kitchen like a doll by a worried Lily, while Luke remained frozen, as if glued to the floor, trying to find a reason for Noah's sudden change."

…

Emma was visiting a sick friend, so they didn't go to the farm for lunch. Luke was grateful for that, because he was in no mood for family reunions. They ate in Lily's house, the children's happy laughter resonating through the dining room. Noah was overly sweet and attentive again, like nothing had happened, and he talked to Luke all the time, joking and laughing like everybody else. To an outside viewer, it seemed all the tension from earlier was completely gone, but not really. Luke smiled, nodded and commented in the right places, but he was only half-listening and if asked, he couldn't say what Noah was talking about.

After lunch, they gathered in the living room for coffee, talking idly about everything and nothing in particular. Noah yawned and announced that he was going to his bedroom for a nap, kissed Luke's cheek shyly and left. Lily and the kids went to the studio. Faith went out with some friends. Luke called Reid.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked as soon as the doctor answered.

" _Still at the hospital."_

"You said today was your day off."

Luke could almost see Reid rolling his eyes.  _"Long story. I have one more patient to see then I'm free."_

"You already ate?"

" _No."_

"Can I bring you some food?"

" _Do you really have to ask?"_  Reid sounded more than interested.

Luke chuckled. "Meet me in the break room in fifteen minutes."

Hanging up, Luke ran for the fridge, grabbed all the leftovers, two cans of soda, put everything in a plastic bag and left, with a bouncy step and a smile.

…

Reid had never considered hospital's roofs as potentially romantic places. But after half an hour making out with Luke, he was starting to change his concepts. They had met in the break room, but unable to keep their hands off each other, went to the nearest "private" place they could find: the roof. Reid tried to grimace when he saw the big towel Luke had brought with him, saying that hospitals were no place for picnics, but he couldn't complain now that he and Luke were sitting on said towel, on the floor, Reid's back against the wall, Luke sitting between his legs, his back against Reid's chest. After a lot of kissing, Reid's stomach growled loudly and Luke took pity on him, opening the containers with the food. In a matter of minutes it was all gone and Reid smiled at Luke lazily and satisfied, like a big cat after having a whole fish.

Now, Reid's hands were making small circles on Luke's arms and his nose was buried on Luke's neck. Luke's head, a little thrown back, rested on Reid's shoulder, while his arm was a little stretched behind, hand caressing slowly the hairs at the back of Reid's neck. Neither man noticed how natural it was, how comfortable it was and how funny that, after being officially together for less than 24 hours, they were already acting as a couple who knew each other for a long time.

Luke sighed, content, all the tension from the morning forgotten. "Reid?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm happy," Luke said, after a small sigh.

"Do you have to be so corny?" Reid asked, but Luke heard the barely hidden smile in his voice.

"Yes, because it's true. I'm happy here with you."

Reid turned Luke's head to the side slowly, kissing him softly, eyes already bright with desire. "I want to be alone with you."

"Well, if you hadn't noticed, we are alone," Luke joked.

"Yeah, but I don't want to be the main focus of the hospital's gossips if someone finds us naked here. Besides, I prefer a bed. Or a couch. Or a desk, a chair, the shower, or – "

"Let's go to The Lakeview," Luke said in a husky voice.

They spent the whole afternoon together in bed. Well, not only in bed. Reid was a very creative lover, and he showed Luke a few places to have sex that the blonde had never tried before. They joked with each other all the time, their laughter only subsiding when lust took over. Luke's phone rang several times; always going to voice mail. Reid's beeper didn't go off at all. They drank copious amounts of water and soda, ordered service room, talked a lot, slept a little; and parted with the promise of seeing each other for breakfast the next day.

 


	8. Chapter 8

That same week, Reid told Bob that he wanted to be fully involved with the neurology wing again.

"What am I? A yo-yo to be tossed around?" Bob asked, clearly joking.

Reid, in an unbelievably polite way that almost made the older doctor's jaw drop, said that he had changed his mind. In his always direct way of dealing with things, he explained that he had asked to leave the project because he couldn't stand Luke Snyder. But now he and Luke had resolved their animosity toward each other and were trying to get along, so there was no reason to deprive the neurology wing's construction of his brilliant inputs.

Bob Hughes smiled and said it was alright. He could be an old man, but he was neither stupid nor senile. He had seeing the longing eyes Reid and Luke had been making at each other a few days before Reid asked to leave the project. He had seen Reid's already bad mood worsen considerably after that. And he had seen Reid smile more frequently these past few days, even sparing the interns and the nurses from his acid remarks. He could feel that there was something going on between Reid and Luke, and that what the younger doctor wanted, in fact was an excuse to see Luke Snyder. He was okay with that, if that was what it took to make Reid Oliver realize that he too, needed a life outside the hospital. He had already told Reid that, and he had meant it. The fondness Bob Hughes had for this snarky abrasive doctor amused and amazed him.

Of course Reid was doing it for Luke, who needed a real reason to see the doctor every day, including their "visits" to The Lakeview's rooms without raising suspicions. As much as Reid hated lying, he was trying his best to understand that Luke needed some time, that they needed to be less obvious, not only for Noah, but for Luke's over-protective and excessively nosy family. They had already bumped into Holden at The Lakeview's lobby a couple of times and Reid swore Lily worked for the CIA, judging for the way she always called Luke when they were alone and in the process of getting naked.

…

A month passed in a blur, then two. Luke was over the moon. Things were going promising with Noah and, as long as he gave the brunette plenty of attention, Noah seemed happy. Part of him felt guilty for not telling his ex that he had already moved on, but he cared deeply for Noah and didn't want to hurt him. He would keep things just the way they were until Noah was released from therapy – which would be soon – and then break the news to him and to his family, about his relationship with Reid.

Reid. He and Luke had never discussed their relationship after the morning when Luke asked the doctor for some time to put everything in place. He knew Reid wasn't very happy with the arrangement, he wasn't either, but hiding their relationship from Noah had allowed Reid to keep treating the guy, and now Reid had discharged him from his care with his vision 100% back; only the final word from the physical therapist about his hand remained to be seen.

Then everything would be different. Luke couldn't deny anymore that he had fallen completely for Reid. In these two past months, Luke had seen a different side of Reid he had never thought existed: a funny, attentive and inventive lover. Reid was a guy who always spoke frankly – if a little too much abrasive – and voiced his pleasure and displeasure with the same ease; someone from whom Luke would never have to guess anything, thank God.

…

Reid alternated between extremely happy – as ridiculous as the term was – and extremely pissed off. In his book, when you see someone every day, have sex with this person, share jokes, secrets, your bathtub and your sandwiches, you're in a relationship. But no, with Luke Snyder, everything had to be different and complicated, like a ridiculous soap opera; because they had to hide from Luke's ex, who happened to be Reid's patient. Former patient, because today he would discharge Noah Mayer from his care.

Things with Luke were more than fine. In the past two months. Reid would never have imagined that Luke was sexy as hell. What he didn't have in the experience department, he certainly had in the disposition department, with his inhibitions slowly going away as they spent more time together. Add that to Luke's other qualities, like courage, friendship, attentiveness and a heart of gold, and you had a guy who could make a brilliant neurosurgeon fall for him and do whatever he wanted. Oh, wait, Reid knew someone like that, didn't he?

Everything would be just perfect if Reid didn't have to play hide and seek with Luke's family and his ex. But this bullshit would end, Reid was going to give Luke an ultimatum very soon, that is If Luke didn't give him that puppy brown eyes and didn't turn his thoughts into a crazy mess with his kisses. Shit, Luke had the ability of putting Reid on the edge all the time. Before coming to Oakdale, the doctor had his whole life figured out. Now he didn't even remember what that was like anymore, because every time Luke looked at him, Reid would throw his rules out the window, grab Luke and kiss him senseless.

"How are you doing, Noah?"

Noah gave Reid a faint smile. "Fine. Better than fine, actually."

"The tests showed that your vision is fully restored. You won't need the eye drops anymore, and the therapist said your hand is good as new. So I guess this is it, I'm discharging you."

"Aren't you forgetting anything, 'doctor'?" Sarcasm dripped from Noah's words, making Reid frown. "Aren't you forgetting that my memories aren't back yet?"

"Well, as I told you, it can or cannot come back eventually and – "

Noah shook his head. "You're so full of shit, Doctor Oliver."

"I'm sorry?"

"You think I'm a fool, don't you? You think you're so smart, so good, that you can lie and deceive and use people, but that's where you're wrong. I'm smarter than you."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about you sleeping with my boyfriend, you son of a bitch!"

Reid's heart started to beat fast. He knew this confrontation would come some day, but he never imagined it would be so soon. He only wished Luke had given him notice before he told Noah about them. "So Luke told you," he said coldly.

"No, he didn't," Noah laughed, almost hysterically, "because you transformed Luke in a liar! Someone who sneaks around to meet you!"

"Then how do you..."

"How do I know? I told you; I'm smarter than you. I fooled the 'oh so great Doctor Oliver' and he never had a clue about it!"

Then suddenly, everything fell into place. Noah's words when he woke up; his lack of enthusiasm for the fact that he was seeing; his animosity towards Reid; his abruptly transformation from someone who treated Luke like shit to a sweet guy. "You were lying," Reid said. "Your memory is back."

"Bingo," Noah said.

"Since when?" Reid wanted to know.

"Since always. Since the moment I woke up and I heard you and Luke whispering in my room. All that 'oh don't call me Mr. Snyder, Reid, we already kissed' made me sick! At first…I thought I was dreaming. But it was a fucking nightmare."

"How long were you planning to go on with this?"

"Who said I'm finished?"

Reid almost laughed. "You think you can get away with this?"

"Wanna bet?" Noah's eyes were reduced to slits. "Watch me."

"I don't believe you think Luke will buy all your bullshit."

"He's already buying it. So were you, until I told you the truth. If I tell Luke that's I'm still the amnesic fool you all want me to be, that's exactly what he's gonna believe."

"I will tell him, you know."

"And he won't believe a single word." Noah got up smiling again and, this time, Reid really doubted the guy's sanity. "Let's see who the guy Luke really believes in is."

…..

"I don't believe you," Luke said, his pale face showing all his distress.

"You think I'm lying?" Reid asked incredulously.

"No…I didn't mean that, but…"

"Okay, I'm leaving." Reid got up and started to look for his clothes. He had intended to talk to Luke as soon as he saw him, but Luke jumped on him and they ended up in bed before Reid could formulate two sentences.

"Reid, please…do you have to be so intransigent?

"I just don't like when people call me a liar. Come on, Luke, why would I lie?"

Luke sat up on the bed and looked at him helplessly.

"I'm telling you that your ex-boyfriend went into my office today and told me that he heard us talking when he woke up, put two and two together and realized there was something between us. He's been playing the saint, sweet and needy Noah all this time, taking advantage of your guilt. He's the one who's been lying to you; not me."

"Reid…" Luke started hesitantly "Come on, Noah would never do that. Besides…"

"What?" Reid asked irritated, pants already on, shirt open.

"Nothing," Luke sighed. "Forget it."

"Oh, no, no, no. You were going to say something; now say it."

"Reid…it's nothing…!"

"Say it, Luke."

"Okay." Luke sighed again, this time sadly. "You told me you noticed right away when Dusty was lying, after he got shot. You want me to believe that Noah fooled you all this time? You?"

Reid stopped on his tracks, holding his socks and shoes in one hand. He ran the other hand through his disheveled hair. "I don't know, Luke. It's not as if I'm losing my touch; I should have noticed something when he couldn't look me in the eye from the start."

"So why didn't you? You said no one fools you, now you're telling me that a sick and fragile man was lying about something you should have seen and yet you didn't?"

"I don't know what happened," Reid sat on the bed facing Luke, but not too close to him. "Maybe I was…biased in this case. I really don't…I've never been in a situation like this before, involved with a patient's boyfriend…I've never  _ **let**_  this happen. The only explanation I see is that…I was blinded by my…feelings for you."

"And isn't it possible that your feelings now made you so jealous that…"

"That I made this crazy story up? What the hell, Luke?" Reid turned his back on Luke and started to put on his socks and shoes furiously.

"I've known Noah for such a long time…! I'm sure he would never, ever do something so...he wouldn't play with us…with me like this!"

"Oh, he would never do  _ **everything**_  in his power to keep you? Using your guilt and you endless desire to help and…hell, yes, your fucking  _ **love**_ for him; so you would never have the courage to leave him?" Reid yelled. "Ha, that's a good joke; tell me another one."

"He would never do this! I know him!" Luke yelled back. "I've known him for three years! And I've known you what, for six months…?"

Reid stopped as if he had been slapped. He nodded, slowly. "Of course," he said, his old and familiar blank expression falling automatically into place. "You have every reason to believe him and no reason to believe me. I'm the asshole who got in the way of your 'oh so great' love."

"Reid, it's not like that. I didn't mean – "

"Yes, you did. And you know what? I have nothing else to say to you."

... 

It took Luke almost three hours to gather his strength and leave the bed, face puffy from the tears.

"Are you alright?" Noah asked, concerned. "You slept the whole morning and you didn't have lunch."

"Just a little headache," Luke poured some water in his glass and started to drink it slowly, feeling knots in his stomach. "How are you feeling, Noah?"

"Me? I've never been better. My hand is alright and I can write again…my sight is back," Noah said, smiling, "although I don't remember being blind," he hurried to add. "What more can I ask for?"

"Your memory?" Luke said, bile riding up in his throat.

"Oh," Noah's face fell. "Well, I…I guess I'll have to live with the fact that I'll never have my memory back. The time I was blind will always be…a big empty space in my head. I don't…I don't think it will ever come back, Luke." Noah sat on a nearby chair, eyeing Luke with big blue eyes, full of sincerity.

Luke nodded, put the glass on the counter and took a deep breath. "Noah…you…would tell me if there was something going on, wouldn't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well…if there was something going on and…for example, if you had gotten you memory back…you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

"Of course!" Noah got up in a rush and stopped in front of Luke, grabbing his hands. "You would be the first person I'd run to. But…it'll never come back, I'm sure of this, Luke."

"Why?"

"Dr. Oliver said I'm fine, but…don't you think it's completely unprofessional of him to discharge me when I'm not 100% alright? Maybe he…I think something went wrong during the surgery and he doesn't want to admit it."

"But you are a 100% alright."

"Then my memory loss it's nothing?" Noah snapped, his mood changing abruptly. "The fact that I lost months of my life means nothing?"

"I didn't say that. It's just that…you wanted so much to see, Noah, and thanks to Dr. Oliver, now you can. I think he was completely competent in your case."

"Yeah, but he wasn't good enough, Luke. My brain actually bled, and he wasn't fast enough to stop it. And when I was in a coma, you two were – "

"What, Noah?" Luke felt something poking him in the back of his mind.

"Oh, I don't know! How come you defend him now? Months ago you couldn't stand him!"

Luke's head snapped up. "How did you know that? I never told you."

"Uh…I think Casey or Alison told me. I'm not sure. Things are still a little fuzzy sometimes."

"Oh." Luke's heart had dropped to his shoes. He was sure he had never told him that he hadn't gotten along with Reid so well in the beginning. Well, that was an understatement; they pretty much hated each other. Luke didn't think Alison or Casey would have told Noah about that. That meant that…if Noah was lying about this, it was possible that he was lying about everything else.

Noah kept talking like he hadn't noticed Luke's faraway eyes. "I mean, he acted like I was just another patient! How can he leave me like this, with my memory gone forever? After months of being blind I should be over the moon for having my sight back, but he took everything away from me!"

Luke frowned. "How could you be over the moon if you don't even remember being blind?"

Noah released Luke's hands. "Can't we leave this conversation for later? I have a headache now." Noah almost ran up the stairs.

"Sure, Noah. Whatever you say," Luke said to himself, while a little voice inside him kept repeating  _"Reid would never lie. Reid would never lie."_ And Luke had doubted him and hurt him. Again.

... 

"Um…Dr. Oliver?"

Reid had just come back from a complicated surgery that, of course, had turned out into another successful case. He looked at the blond guy standing at the door, frowning. "Yeah?"

"Come in, Casey," said Bob Hughes, who was there with Reid, comfortably enjoying the peace of a rare calm day in the break room.

"Hello, Grandfather," Casey smiled a little. "I, um…I have a message for Dr. Oliver."

"Okay," said Reid, opening his locker in search of a clean pair of scrubs.

"A Dr. Jarman, from London, called. You were in surgery, and he didn't want to leave a message; he said you know what the call is about. And he asked you to call him back as soon as you can."

"Jarman?" Bob asked. "Where do I know this name from? Oh, right! He's head of the department at the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery. Hum. I didn't know you knew someone there."

"I don't. He sent me an email a couple of weeks ago; they want me to spend a couple of months in London, teaching my new technique for Occipital Depressurization, all expenses included, of course."

"I hope you already emailed him declining the invitation. We need you here, the new wing will open very soon."

"Hey, what do you think I am, impolite? The least I can do is call the guy back and say thanks, but no thanks. I hate London's weather, anyway, even if just for two months."

Bob snorted. "And you didn't call him yet?"

"I, huh…I was waiting for an opportunity to make the call from the hospital. You know…international calls are really expensive." Only then Reid noticed that Casey was still standing at the door, looking at the two doctors expectantly. "Yes? Is there something else?" he asked the orderly.

"Yeah…" Casey said, embarrassed. "I…uh…there's a call for you at the staff's break room.

"And why no one transferred the call to this room?" Reid asked annoyed. "Damn if I'll walk to the other end of the corridor after an exhausting surgery like that just to answer a phone call!"

"Uh… the phone is not working here," Casey said, eyes focused on the floor.

"Strange, I haven't noticed," Bob said.

"Who is it anyway?" Reid was losing his patience.

"I think it's – it's the doctor from earlier, but I could be wrong." Casey looked uncomfortable and Bob shook his head. Reid needed to stop intimidating people.

"Better not leave Dr. Jarman waiting," Bob said with a half-smile. "And tell him that you're very happy here in Oakdale, will you?" he teased.

"As if." Reid snorted and followed Casey out of the break room. At the end of the corridor was a small door partially hidden behind a column with a plaque written "staff".

"You – you can go inside, Dr. Oliver. I have, uh…they're calling me at the nurse's station." Casey disappeared, walking fast and muttering something under his breath.

Reid was still shaking his head at Casey's retreat when he opened the door…and there was Luke, standing near the window, hands in his pockets.

"Oh," Reid said, expressionless. "I should have guessed."

"You haven't been answering my calls," Luke gave one small step at Reid's direction and stopped. "It's been five days, Reid."

The doctor sighed. "Look…I'm tired. I spent almost eight hours in the operating room. All I want now is to take a shower, eat and sleep."

"Can I go to your place with you?"

"What for?" Reid snorted bitterly. "We've already established that I'm a liar. I think we have nothing else to say to each other."

Luke gave another step at Reid's direction. "I'm sorry about what I said, Reid; I know you'd never lie about something like that. Please, let me go with you. We need to talk."

Reid opened his mouth to say no, he really did. But then his eyes travelled to Luke's mouth, red and pouty, and to his big imploring eyes, and all the doctor's resolve left him. His brain screamed to kick the guy out, but the rest of his body was telling him something completely different. "Okay," he said, finally.

 


	9. Chapter 9

"Wait here." Reid Said, eyeing Luke wearily. "I need a shower, won't take long."

Luke sat on the couch obediently and Reid left him alone. But ten minutes later, when Reid left the bathroom barefoot, only in jeans and a t-shirt, Luke was in his bedroom, sitting on his bed, with a bottle of beer and a huge sandwich.

"You think you can buy me with that?" the doctor asked drily.

Luke shrugged. "I can try."

Reid sat beside Luke and opened his hand without a word. Luke promptly deposited the sandwich in his hand and Reid took a huge bite. "Not bad," was all he said, and he ate everything without another word to Luke. When he finished his bear, he got up, put the plate and glass on the bedside table, and stopped in the middle of the bedroom, facing Luke tensely.

"You said we needed to talk. Start talking."

Luke took a deep breath and looked up at him. "Reid…I'm sorry."

Reid snorted. "And you think this solves everything?"

"No…but I know you'd never lie about something as important as Noah's condition. I guess I…freaked out. I never thought he would fake something so serious like that."

"And now you believe in me all of a sudden? "

"Not all of a sudden; no. The last couple of days have been…I miss you. I feel like something's been ripped off me. I had a lot of time to think."

"You talked to him about it?" Reid asked, although he already knew the answer.

"No. He's just being…completely out of character. One minute he's overly sweet, the other it looks like he hates me. I don't know what to think of that."

"Maybe he needs a psychiatrist," Reid said, not saying that in his opinion, Noah was a psycho.

Luke sighed. "Anyway…I didn't come here to talk about Noah."

Good, because that was the last thing Reid wanted. "So why did you come?"

Luke got up from the bed and gave a few steps in Reid's direction, stopping one step away from him. One of his hands held Reid's lightly, and the doctor had an impulse to take his hand away, but didn't find strength for that; not when Luke was so close. "The thing is…"Luke started, "I love Noah, I always will."

Reid tried to take his hand away from Luke's, but the blond tightened his grasp and hurried to add, "But I'm not in love with him anymore. I love him as a friend."

"Oh," was all Reid managed to say. He wasn't expecting that.

"Because of you," Luke added. "You're… obnoxious, arrogant, rude, but…I've fallen for you, Reid. I can't deny it."

"You can't know that for sure. It's impossible to fall for someone after such a short tim–"

"Don't tell me what I feel. I  **know**  it, Reid."

"Luke…" Reid started.

"Listen…Things with Noah were always…difficult. I know he had many problems coming out but…who didn't? And then his crazy father came along, and everything that happened between that and his accident. But even when we were the happiest together, I always felt that…Noah wasn't all there, he wasn't whole, and he wasn't completely with me. There was always a problem to solve, always an excuse, and…I always felt that I was the only one fighting for us, while he simply let things flow."

"Shit, Luke, I'm not sure I want to know that." Reid tried to get away, but Luke didn't let him.

"Please, let me say it. Look, I know you saw Noah pushing me away, several times. But that wasn't the first time. Sometimes I felt like…I don't know, like I didn't deserve his love. I was so much in love with him, but sometimes things with him felt…heavy. Like this huge weight inside my heart. Like I was always fighting for us to be together, waiting for the other shoe to drop; I'm not sure if we would have lasted this much if I hadn't fought."

"Well, you did fight for him. You remember how I came to be here, don't you?"

"I know. But I guess that…while Noah was the physically blind guy, I was the emotionally blind one. Who knows, if everything that happened _ **hadn't**_ happened…I would still be there, being tossed around like a rag, begging for him not to leave me, running to his side whenever he needed me."

Reid shook his head, not wanting to hear how Luke had humiliated himself so much for a guy who didn't deserve him. "What do I have to do with all this?"

"Everything! You never bull-shitted me. You didn't like me at first, and you said that in my face. Later, in Dallas, when you kissed me…you could have said that you were happy about getting your license back, but you didn't. You told me that you wanted me. You always say what you think, and that is an extremely rare quality."

Reid snorted. "Some people would disagree with that."

"Fuck them. What I'm trying to say, Reid, is that…with you I always know where I stand. That is an extremely good feeling. You know the heavy weight inside my heart…? It's gone. Because of you, Reid, it's gone. That's why I'm here. I don't want this, us, to end. I want to stay with you and…I need you to forgive me for what I said. I know you'd never make up those things about Noah. I know."

"It took you too long to realize that, Luke. I don't know if – "

"I'm an idiot. I'm stupid. Please, Reid...don't push me away. I'm sorry…"

Part of Reid's brain considered saying 'no'. But with Luke so close, it was hard to think properly. Whenever Luke was around, it was like this; a noise filling Reid's head, like a never-ending drum; it was like Luke was a magnet that pulled Reid and he had no chance to fight.

Reid eyed Luke and sighed. "What is this thing you do to me, Luke?" ' _Why can't I resist you?'_  he wanted to ask. "C'mere," he said, trying to smile, but not quite succeeding. "Brat."

Luke smiled and threw his arms around Reid's neck, kissing him happily. Reid returned the kiss, pulling Luke closer. The kiss ended all too soon, and he young man started showering Reid's face with kisses, while murmuring "I missed you", and Reid smiled and closed his eyes. It felt good to be held and kissed like that, like he meant something to someone.

"Come," Luke said, pulling Reid by the hand towards the bed. He gently pushed Reid, until the doctor was sitting on it, and sat in front of him. Luke kissed Reid's lips softly, caressing his forehead and brushing his still wet hair from his face. "You're tired," he said.

"Yeah," Reid agreed. He had spent the whole day hyperactive, fuelled but the adrenaline of the surgery and by his anger and annoyance at Luke. But now, with the surgery finished and Luke next to him, all the adrenaline had left his system and it was like his strength had vanished too. He was exhausted.

Luke's hand went to the hem of Reid's shirt, but Reid stopped him. "Luke, I don't know if I can…"

"Shhh…"Luke whispered. "I know, don't worry." Slowly, he lifted Reid's t-shirt and took it off. "You're tired. Let me take care of you."

Luke put his open hand on Reid's bare chest and the older man shivered a little at the touch. Gently, the blond pulled Reid, until he was lying, his back and head against the pillows. "Do you trust me?" Luke asked, while his hands slowly opened Reid's jeans. "I just wanna make you feel good."

Reid watched Luke quietly, like he was in slow-motion, his brain not quite registering what was happening. He rarely put himself in that position, of being in someone's hands. He was a control freak, and that was because he had never allowed himself to be vulnerable. But Luke had got under the barbed wire Reid had around himself, and now the doctor didn't know what to do with this emotional overload. He remained quiet, thinking how the hell Luke could do that to him, and worse, how the hell he could let the young man make him feel like he belonged to the human race.

"Do you trust me, Reid?" Luke asked again, and Reid's brain registered that, at some point, his pants and underwear had gone, as it had Luke's shirt, and now Luke was hovering over him, eyes dark and pupils dilated.

He could only nod. And then Luke's mouth was on his, Luke's soft tongue seeking entrance, Luke's delicious taste in his mouth. When the kiss ended, Luke gave him a grin that made Reid's heart beat like mad. Reid had never seen someone grinning sweetly and wickedly at the same time.

"Relax," the blond said, still smiling, and he moistened his lips so slowly that Reid almost groaned. Luke started to kiss Reid's jaw, but soon the kisses turned into nibbles followed by the soft caress of Luke's tongue. Reid closed his eyes enjoying the heavenly sensation, feeling that his tense muscles were slowly starting to relax.

Luke kissed, nibbled and caressed every inch of Reid's neck, then his collarbones, and when the blond closed his mouth over a nipple, Reid couldn't contain the groan that escaped his throat. The sound encouraged Luke, and the magic mouth went to the other one. Reid sighed, his hands automatically going to Luke's hair. Luke descended slowly towards Reid's abs and bellybutton, making him ticklish, but Reid didn't care. This was too good and Reid wanted more.

Luke was planting open-mouthed kisses on Reid's hipbone now. His hands, previously roaming over Reid's chest, descended to Reid's thighs and stopped on his knees. Slowly, Luke forced Reid's legs apart, knees bent, feet planted on the bed. Reid complied without resistance, too far gone, lost in a pool of sensations so good that he barely registered what he was doing. All he could feel was Luke's mouth, now kissing the inside of his thighs.

He moaned when Luke's tongue traced a slow circle on his groin, not even caring if it was loud enough for someone to hear him or not. Suddenly, Luke's mouth enveloped him in warm wet silk and Reid's hips bucked out of their own volition, a low growl escaping his throat. All the world started to spin as Luke's mouth started to work on him, the soft wicked tongue tracing mad trails of fire that took everything from Reid's mind, leaving just heat and  _ **yes**_  and  _ **now**_.

Luke raised his head to look at Reid and the redhead, feeling Luke stop, opened his eyes and looked at the young man. They stared at each other for a few heartbeats. Then Luke, not taking his eyes from Reid's, slowly lifted his hand until two of his fingers were near Reid's mouth, waiting for permission to go inside.

The doctor felt everything go blank inside his mind. His heart started to beat even faster, his senses on overload, his breath ragged. He didn't even hesitate when he took Luke's fingers inside his mouth, sucking at them unashamedly, still looking at Luke with lust-filled eyes. Luke moaned at the sight, eyes growing even darker with desire.

Luke's soaked fingers left Reid's mouth and traced the path from his chest to his belly painfully slowly, leaving a wet trail behind. Reid wanted to close his eyes, but Luke's penetrating gaze didn't let him. Only when Luke's mouth was on him again, Reid covered his eyes with his forearm, his other hand entangled in Luke's blond hair.

He felt one of Luke's fingers slowly circling his entrance, while Luke's mouth started to work harder on him. Then a finger slowly made its way inside.

"Oh, God…" Reid threw his head back, his back arching a little. "Luke…"

"Let go, Reid," Luke stopped for a moment to whisper. "Let go, I'll catch you." Suddenly Luke started to move faster, mouth up and down, finger in and out, and Reid lost the remaining control he had. He vaguely registered someone moaning loudly, feeling the room with gasps and _'God, yes'_ , but he had no idea where that was coming from. Luke intensified his movements even more, and a second finger went inside with the first one. The maddening fingers pressed hard on the hidden spot inside him and Reid gasped, while everything around him exploded in light.

Reid had no idea how much time had passed when he opened his eyes again; part of him was sure he had blacked out. He felt his whole body and his eyelids heavy, and he turned his head looking for Luke. The young man had his head on the pillow beside his, eyeing him intently.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Mmmm," was all Reid said, his hand traveling to Luke's groin, realizing that the blond was naked and still hard.

"No," Luke said smiling. "Tomorrow, Reid. Today was just for you."

"Tomorrow? Does this mean you will stay?" Reid managed to ask, mind fuzzy by sleep.

"Yeah," Luke said, taking Reid's hand from his groin and kissing it. "I'll stay."

"I want you to tell him," Reid murmured against Luke's hair.

"What?" Luke asked, still sleepy.

The morning sun bathed the bedroom in light. The curtains were still open, just the way they had left them the previous night. Luke and Reid had slept the whole night tangled on each other, with Luke spooning Reid for a change. The morning had found Reid inside Luke, moving slowly, eyes fixed on the young man's blissful expression, until the big wave of release crashed on both. Now they were lying as close as possible, Luke's head on Reid's chest, and Reid's fingers tracing light random patterns on Luke's shoulder.

"I want you to tell Noah about us. Damn, he already knows about us anyway."

Luke sighed. "Okay…I will."

Reid's knew that tone; Luke still didn't want to tell Noah that they were together.

"What, Luke?" he asked serious.

"I didn't say anything."

"You don't have to. Come on, why you don't want to talk with 'saint' Noah about us?"

Luke took a deep breath and raised his head to look at Reid. "He's sick, Reid. I mean, physically sick."

"What the hell do you mean? I examined him; he's fine."

"Yeah, but…" Luke hesitated. "Isn't it possible that the bleeding…messed with some area of Noah's brain that…changed, altered his personality somehow?"

Reid grimaced. "It is possible, yes. Only, nothing like that happened. I know what I'm talking about; I've seen Noah's scans."

"I know. But even so…don't you think he should do some more exams? Isn't there a way to find out if something like that happened to him? I mean, he did have a bleeding. Isn't it possible that it affected him?"

"And you think I wouldn't have noticed, Luke? Believe me, I know the brain upside down. The bleeding affected an area responsible for movements, not personality. Neither memory, by the way. I always thought that his memory loss was due to surgery stress, I always knew that there was no brain damage causing this. It just…never occurred to me that he was faking."

"You were more focused on his eyesight."

"Yeah, that, and his hand. That worried me a lot. I knew that Noah could perfectly live without his memory back, but not blind or with any motor dysfunction. And…I had promised you that I would fix him. I let the enthusiasm of restoring his sight get in the way. Maybe if I had paid more attention, I'd have seen that he was lying all the time."

"No, Reid. You don't know him as long as I do. I should have seen it."

Reid sighed, kissing Luke's head. "Well, there's no point in blaming ourselves now."

Luke's hold on Reid tightened a little. "You do understand why I need to help him, don't you?"

"Frankly?" Reid asked. "No, because I don't agree with you. Noah isn't sick anymore. He's a liar."

"But…"

"And I want you to tell him about us. As I said, that's no news to him, Luke."

"I'll talk to him. But…will you let me help him?"

"Define help."

"I don't know, Reid. Find professional help, therapy maybe? If he agrees with that…I think psychotherapy would be good for him."

"That's bull shit. The only problem with Noah is his lack of character."

"He has no one else."

"Yeah, and he never lets you forget that, Luke."

...

"Where have you been, honey?" Lily asked, as soon as Luke stepped inside the house. "We were worried."

"You got my message, Mom, didn't you?"

"Yes, about entertaining some guests to dinner and drinks at the Lakeview. Is this about the Foundation?"

"Where have you been?" Noah asked before Luke could answer Lily. His voice sounded deeply hurt.

"At the Lakeview."

"Yeah. Your Mom told me," Noah said. "But…couldn't you have…called me?"

" _I don't owe you any explanations"_  was the first thought that crossed Luke's mind, surprising him. "I didn't have time, Noah. I'm sorry," he said gently. Noah's anguished face was piercing into his heart like needles.

"And why you slept there?"

"The meeting ended too late. I was tired; I didn't want to drive."

"Luke, I think that…we need to talk," Noah said, the perfect image of misery.

"Yeah, we do, but now I'm going to take a shower and go to work. We'll talk tonight."

Luke patted Noah's shoulder and went up the stairs as quickly as he could. He had promised Reid that he would talk to Noah about them, but it wasn't something he was looking forward to. In fact, if he could he would never do it. He knew he was going to hurt Noah and that was one thing Luke couldn't stand.

...

Reid sighed, annoyed. It had been over a week and Luke still hadn't talked to Noah about them. Noah was still living in Luke's house, Luke was still having lunch with him every day and now that his classes were back, Luke was taking him to the fucking college. Nothing had changed.

Reid and Luke still saw each other whenever they could. But if Reid's agenda was hectic, Luke's wasn't any easier. Meetings for the foundation, dinners with family members, family crisis that Luke simply had to be there to help solving…and Noah, of course. Noah, whom Luke's family was very fond of. Noah, who probably was always there for said family dinners, sitting by Luke's side. Poor lonely boy Noah, the genius filmmaker, the one whose heart Luke could not find the courage to break.

Reid shook his head. He was really turning into some pathetic guy. He had never been jealous of anyone before and he wasn't jealous now; of course not. But he was getting tired of waiting. He had talked about it with Luke several times, but each time, the blond smiled sadly at him, telling him that he wasn't ready, asking for one more day. And now a week had passed and nothing.

Reid felt almost as if he was another person since he had set foot in Oakdale, since he had met Luke Snyder. Before coming to this God forsaken place, Reid would take bull shit from no one. No one told Reid Oliver to wait; if he wanted something, he got it. Period. Everyone did what he wanted, if not out of respect, then out of fear. Reid was okay with that; he had never cared about other people's opinions anyway.

But here he was, secretly meeting a guy just because the guy's ex might not like the fact that they were together. Reid asked himself for the uptenth time if he and Luke were really together, because it seemed that they relationship only existed behind four walls and a firmly closed door.

"I'm not doing this anymore, Luke," was the first thing he said when he and Luke found themselves alone in one of the Lakeview's suites. "I'm not hiding anymore."

"Reid, please…" Luke started.

"Look, you said you're not ready to tell him, I get it. Even thought you realized he's faking everything; you still don't want to confront him. You wanna help him, blah blah blah, I get it all. But maybe…maybe you're not ready because you're not sure about where your feelings truly are in all this. Maybe we started to get intimate too soon and now it's just this big mess in your head."

"No." Luke ran to him and held his face with both hands, kissing him. "No," he said again. "My feelings are right here, with you. It wasn't too soon. It was the right time and I'll never regret anything, Reid."

Reid sighed, resting his forehead on Luke's. "Luke…I want to be with you. I have wanted this since the beginning. But now I've…reached my limit."

"What are you trying to say, Reid?" Luke's voice trembled a little.

"I think it's time for you to decide what you want. If you want to help Noah, fine, but you have to make him understand that you're seeing someone else. I'm not going to be your dirty little secret, Luke. I can't go on with a relationship that only exists when we're alone."

"I know; believe me, I know."

"Okay. Then do it, because I'm not waiting anymore. If you still want us to be together…make him understand. Because this is killing me, taking my peace away, and I can't do my job if my life turns into a mess."

"I'm sorry," Luke murmured, kissing Reid's jaw.

"Don't be sorry. Just do what I'm asking."

Luke nodded and hugged Reid tight, as if afraid to let him go. "I'll talk to him tomorrow morning, as soon as I get home. I promise."

Reid's eyes brightened, although his face didn't change. "You'll go home tomorrow? So you'll stay tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll stay."

Reid had to leave at five AM. A man cracked his skull when he fell down the stairs and the hospital paged Reid as soon as the guy arrived. Luke entertained the idea of leaving too, but the bed was warm, he hadn't gotten too much sleep at night and he was sore in all the right places. He decided to stay for about an hour.

He woke up at almost eight with his cell phone ringing. Before he even saw the caller's ID he already knew it was his mother.

"Your bed is still made. Don't tell me you didn't sleep at home again." Lily said when Luke answered.

"Mom, I'm coming home now. We'll talk when I get there." Luke closed his cell phone and turned it off.

…

Noah greeted him with a big smile when he got home, as if he didn't care that Luke had spent the whole night out. "Guess what, Luke? We're going to Chicago tomorrow!"

"I'm sorry?" Luke asked dumbfounded.

"The Film Festival, remember?" Noah smiled even wider. "It's this Saturday, which means we need to leave tomorrow. I wanted to talk about this with you last night, but since you didn't come home, I bought the tickets and booked the hotel."

"Wait, wait, wait, you did all that without talking to me?"

"Well, you weren't here, your cell phone was on voice mail…what was I supposed to do?"

"You should have asked if I would really go with you, Noah!"

"You said you would, remember?"

"Well, I changed my mind!" Luke yelled, losing his patience.

Noah looked at him as if he had just been slapped, eyes big and hurt. Luke instantly regretted his heated reaction. "Noah, I'm sorr – "

"No, its okay," Noah said, barely hiding his hurt. "You have other plans."

Luke took a deep breath. He knew he was going to hurt Noah even more, but it was now or never. "I met someone, Noah."

Noah gulped. "You did?"

"Yeah."

"Do I – do I know him?"

"Yes," Luke whispered. "You know him. It's – "

"No, don't tell me! I don't want to know. I – I'll just go to my room and – and – that's alright Luke, I'll go to Chicago by myself. You stay and enjoy your – your – life."

"Noah, please! It's not like that! Noah!" Luke called, but Noah was already flying up the stairs. Luke flinched when he heard Noah's bedroom door banging.

"Why do you keep hurting him like that?" said his mother's voice from behind him.

Luke turned to her, rolling his eyes. "That's between Noah and me, Mom.

"No, it's not!" Lily was really upset. "I care about Noh as if he was my own son. And you're hurting him."

"Yeah, Mom. But I am you real son, and I think you should try to understand what's going on here before judging me."

"What's there to understand, Luke? You spend the nights away from home, God knows where, and you come in the morning with your hair wet, and you expect us to buy the excuses you make!" Lily was livid.

Luke shook his head. "You don't have to buy any excuse, Mom. I'm an adult, and I know what I'm doing. Please, this has nothing to do with you!"

"It has to do with someone I care, Luke! You have no idea how heartbreaking it is to see Noah sad because you didn't come home!" Her expression softened. "He loves you, sweetheart."

"Then why aren't Noah and I together anymore, Mom? If he loves me so much he should had let me stay by his side, shouldn't he?"

"Oh, Luke… it's not his fault that he doesn't remember anything that happened after his accident. You can't resent him, he's not that Noah anymore! That poor young man upstairs is our Noah, the sweet boy that loves you so much, Luke. You belong together!"

"Like you and Dad?" Luke said bitterly.

"I'm talking about you and Noah, Luke," Lily said tensely. "It's not his fault that he lost his memory. Give him a chance; he still loves you."

Luke sighed. If she only knew…"It's not my fault that I moved on, Mom. Noah pushed me away too much. I love him, I always will, but only as a friend."

"Did you meet someone else, Luke?"

Before Luke could answer, they heard a noise coming from Noah's bedroom. A loud noise, like glass cracking. Luke and Lily ran up the stairs, invading Noah's room without knocking and stopped, shocked.

Noah was in front of the mirror, looking at himself with a blank expression. There was glass everywhere on the floor. But the most disturbing of everything was the big piece of glass Noah held in his right hand, lightly pressed on his left wrist, like he was going to cut himself any minute.

"Noah!" Luke dashed into the bedroom, stepping on the glass, as Lily covered her mouth with her hand, looking terrorized. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Stay there, Luke!" Noah said, anguish written all over his face."Stay there! I know you don't want to be here, so go back downstairs and leave me alone!"

"Put this glass down, Noah," Luke said, approaching Noah slowly. "I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Why?" Noah was crying now, big tears rolling from his eyes. "You don't love me anymore. I have no one else. What reason do I have to live?"

"Noah, please," Luke begged, "You have a lot to live for."

"Really?" Noah snorted between the tears. "What?"

"Your talent. Your film! Don't you want to see your film on the big screen?"

"Alone?" Noah shook his head vehemently. "Thinking that you could be with me, that because of an operation my whole world was taken away from me? You think that's a good reason to live, Luke?"

"Noah, don't do that!" Lily had finally found her voice.

Luke glared at her. Couldn't she see that Noah was stressed enough and more, that if she interfered and Noah got even more nervous…the worst could happen, and Luke didn't even want to think of that. "Mom, keep quiet, please!"

"You don't want me, Luke. Nothing else matters to me,"

Luke saw Noah's hand slowly increasing the pressure on his wrist, the glass would cut his skin and he would bleed and – "Noah, I'll go with you!" he yelled, desperate. "I'll go with you to Chicago! Please, put the glass down."

Noah blinked. "You're serious?" he asked hopefully, but his hands didn't move.

"Yes," Luke whispered, relieved when Noah let the glass drop to the floor.

The tall brunet hugged Luke fiercely, holding onto him for dear life, crying even louder now. "Oh, Luke…please, don't do this to me! I need you so much!"

Luke held Noah, crying too, because his life had turned into such a huge mess that he had no idea how he was going to make things right again. "It's alright, Noah," he murmured. "We're going to Chicago tomorrow."

…..

"You're kidding, right?"

Reid was looking at Luke, stunned, dressed in his scrubs, standing in the middle of the break room. Something heavy at the pit of his stomach made everything worse. "Chicago? You're going to Chicago with Noah?" he asked Luke, incredulous.

"I already told you! He tried to kill himself!" Luke said for the millionth time. "What did you want me to do? Let him cut himself and die?"

"He wouldn't have time to die, you were there, and he knew you would get help soon. It was a good bluff and you fell like a duck."

"Bluff?" Luke's eyes almost popped out f his head. "Bluff? How can you be so cold?"

"I know a player when I see one. Noah Mayer is a very good player."

"For someone who doesn't play games, you seem to know it pretty well."

"I do. I gave him the benefit of doubt when I still thought he had really lost his memory; but not after our little conversation."

"I'm telling you, Reid. Noah's sick!"

"Noah is playing you and you're letting him!"

"He needs help!"

"And why does it have to be you?"

They glared at each other for a few heartbeats, both fuming. Then Luke took a step on Reid's direction. "Reid…he needs me. Please, let me help him. He could have died today, and it would have been my fault. Do you want me to live with that?"

"If you do what Noah wants now, Luke…" Reid's voice was low and controlled, but tangled with sadness. "You'll be in his hands; you'll always have to do what he says."

"It's not like that. I promise that when I come back from Chicago everything will be different."

"I've heard that before." Reid said tiredly. "Do what you feel it's right; it's all I can tell you. I have no say in this."

"It's just three days. I'll be back on Monday. Tuesday, tops."

"Okay," Reid said, defeated "Go with him."

Luke looked at Reid with big hazel eyes. "I want to know if you'll be here…waiting…if there will still be an 'us' when I get back."

Reid gave a long sigh. "Yeah. I'll be here." As if he had any choice.

"Thanks, Reid," Luke invaded his personal space to give him a kiss, but Reid put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't. I…I can't do this now," he said, trying to keep his voice steady, when it felt like something in his chest was being smashed under a ton of sadness.

"Reid…Please, don't let anything change between us. Wait for me and everything will be alright."

The doctor's beeper went off, startling them. Reid read the message and eyed Luke wearily. "Head trauma. I have to go."

"Yeah, me too," said Luke. "See you on Monday?"

Reid only nodded.

"I'm all Noah has, Reid. Try to understand this." Luke said, leaving the break room silently, not looking back.

"You're all I have too, Luke," Reid murmured to himself. "And I'm starting to think that you finally made your choice."

 


	10. Chapter 10

'Chicago Underground Film Festival – The festival for the defiantly filmmaker'. Luke read the huge banner. And then, his eyes almost popped out of his head as he read the rest of the banner. 'June 26th – July 1st'.

"Seven days, Noah? Shit, why didn't you tell me?" Luke asked exasperated.

"You didn't expect a festival like this to last only a couple of days did you?"

"But I have work to do, Noah! There are things at the Foundation that need to be taken care of next week!"

Noah laughed. "The good part of being your own boss is that you can take a few days off."

"I can't. This is called responsibility, you know?" It annoyed Luke that Noah hadn't told him that they were going to spend so many days away from Oakdale; it was like Noah had gone behind Luke's back, and it wasn't a good feeling.

"Hey, relax!" Noah rubbed Luke's back gently. "My film will be presented on Monday. We all have to stay until CUFF awards for the best films are announced, and that will happen on Wednesday. What can I do? I just want to see my film on the big screen, Luke. You can't deny me that."

Luke sighed, already feeling guilty. "Okay, I'm sorry, I don't want to take your fun away."

The weekend went by uneventful. Luke had to admit that it was actually fun to hang out with Noah, watching the films, talking about the plots and the acting and how they would have definitely done better. It made Luke remember that he had wanted so much to be a writer, writing screenplays for Noah to direct, and they would be famous and conquer the world…Where had all these dreams gone to?

Luke actually enjoyed the atmosphere, the film students, the constant buzz and the press. Noah was excited and happy, the perfect gentleman, treating Luke as a best friend, and every time Luke thought about him blind, walking with the help of a cane, or holding the piece of broken glass against his wrist, he was glad he had come.

The only problem was that, at the end of the night, when each man had retreated to his own room – Luke made sure Noah booked the two different bedrooms – and Luke called Reid, doubt and anguish would fill his heart and his thoughts. Was he really doing the right thing?

Their conversations were awkward, and of course Reid didn't like when Luke told him that he would have to stay a few more days than already planned, but Reid, always speaking in a monotone, told Luke that it was alright. Not that Luke believed him. The moments on the phone were like that; here were long moments of silence and it was usually Luke who would break them saying "I miss you', and then Reid would say he needed to see a patient or something and hang up. Every time this happened, fear gripped Luke's insides, but the mere fact that Reid was answering his calls was a good sign, so he hoped that when he got back they would talk and everything would be alright.

Noah woke Luke up early on Monday. Excited like a kid at Christmas's Eve, he insisted that they went shopping for the right shirt for him to use the next day. Luke followed him around the mall for more than an hour, then gave up and chose the shirt for Noah, because the one he wanted to buy had the same squared pattern he always wore.

Noah's film was fine. More than fine, it was great. And watching it with him, seeing the pleasure and happiness written all over his face, made Luke feel very good. He knew how important that moment was for Noah, and he was glad he had been able to see the film with him. Looking at his ex-boyfriend, Luke finally was able to put any lingering doubt to rest – not that he had any – about his feelings for Noah. Luke loved Noah very, very much. But just as a very dear friend.

Every night, a minor award was announced. When they called Noah's name for the Best Film Editing, Luke wasn't surprised. But then Noah grabbed Luke's hand and pulled him to the stage, received his prize and thanked everyone involved in the film. Luke's big surprise came when Noah said that, in fact, Luke deserved the prize instead of him. With tears in his eyes, Noah told the public how an accident had taken his sight away and how his amazing boyfriend, Luke Snyder, had followed his instructions and finished the film for him. Then, he kissed Luke fully on the mouth while people applauded like crazy and flashed popped everywhere.

….

Reid knew that he was being an ass. He had spent the weekend working, something Reid Oliver simply loved doing, but it did nothing to lift his mood. Even so, working was better than spend the whole time thinking about a certain blond guy that was driving him crazy. By Monday night, Reid had already made three interns cry and a nurse quit. Things weren't easier at home. He would barely talk to Katie, and he was grateful that she had felt his mood and kept her questions to herself.

Talking to Luke on the phone was pure torture. Reid spent the entire day hoping the blond would call, because at least it meant he cared enough to do so. But when he heard Luke's voice, he simply didn't know what to say, all his snarky remarks and abrasive comments dying instantly. He'd rather jump from a bridge – if Oakhell had a bridge – than let Luke know how uncertain he was about their situation, and how it was affecting everything he did. And he would never, ever ask Luke to leave Noah in Chicago and come home. Reid Oliver was never anxious, jealous or insecure. Period.

So, Dr. Reid Oliver spent his days at the hospital, snapping at his colleagues and making the nurses' days a living hell. After his night rounds, he would grab something to eat at Al's, because he was never in the mood to make his own sandwiches lately, which was a sigh that there was something very, very wrong with him. Then he would go home, grunt something similar to  _'hi'_  and ' _good night'_ to Katie and lock himself in his bedroom. After his phone talk with Luke, Reid would remain on the bed, lights out, staring at the shadows until exhaustion claimed him, never before three AM. And the next day he would do everything again.

Reid felt weird. Like ha was in Twilight Zone, and someone else had invaded his body. This stranger would talk like him, be a brilliant neurosurgeon and save lives like him, even be an ass to everyone like him. But it wasn't him. It couldn't be, because Reid had always been sure of everything in his life; he knew who he was, what he wanted, what to expect from work and from people. But this stranger in his place didn't know anything anymore. All he knew was that he would give anything to end this torture. Who the hell said that falling in love was a good thing?

The doctor stopped dead on his tracks at the thought. ' **Falling in love'**? Oh God, no. Falling in love was the last thing Reid Oliver, famous neurosurgeon and asshole, needed or wanted in his perfectly planed, well-defined life. He had always known that love put people in danger. Giving power over your life to another human being was crazy. It could destroy you. It could turn you miserable, even if for a short time, it made you happy. Happy was alien; happy wasn't good because it never lasted. Nope, falling in love was definitely a bad thing. Why would he want something like that?

But apparently, there wasn't much more he could do now. He was – God, he couldn't even think about that – in love for the first time in his life, and by the way things were going with him and Luke, he wouldn't wish this to his worst enemy.

Tuesday came and with it came Reid's first day off since Luke had gone to Chicago. He decided to go to Memorial in the morning, because he didn't know where to go or what to do. Well, he thought, he didn't have anywhere to go in this town anyway and, as he got inside the break room looking for his lab coat, he prayed to whoever might be listening not to cross paths with Bob Hughes. The last thing he wanted or needed was another lecture about the importance of rest and the value of friends and family. Easy for Bob to talk, being happily married, with sons and grandchildren enough to fill a bus.

He put the paper cup with coffee over the table and put his lab coat on. When he picked it up, something caught his eyes: Noah's name, written on the paper over which he had put his coffee. Curiosity got the best of him and half a second later the cup was falling over the table, spilling its scalding content over Reid's left hand as he looked to Noah's picture in shock. He didn't even feel the burning sensation in his hand, his brain too busy, trying to register what he was seeing.

" _Oakdale's Noah Mayer wins important award at Chicago Underground Film Festival and dedicates the prize to his boyfriend, Luke Snyder."_  Reid read the line again and again to see if the letters would rearrange themselves into other words; they didn't. He took his time looking at every detail of the picture above, hoping that the faces would change into someone else's, but they didn't. He analyzed Noah's hair, his shirt, the background and more important, the way he possessively held the blond by his side. But nothing changed. Noah was still there, kissing Luke for everyone to see.

…

Luke looked at his cell phone, frowning. "Where did you find it?"

"Inside my jacket," said Noah. "I have no idea how it got there."

"Did someone call?" Luke asked. He had looked for his cell phone everywhere last night, and hadn't found it. It was the first night since he came back that he hadn't talked to Reid.

"Your Mom called this morning. She said it was nothing important. I told her to call tonight."

"Okay," Luke said, grabbing his phone from Noah's hand almost harshly.

"You're still mad at me?" Noah asked sheepishly, looking almost innocent, standing in the hotel's lobby. "Come on, it was just a little kiss!"

Luke shook his head. "You seem to forget that we're just friends now, Noah."

Noah looked hurt. "You really don't wanna have anything to do with me, huh?"

Luke grimaced, but then tried to smile a little. "Yes, I do; I'm your friend."

"I don't wanna be friends, Luke. I love you."

Luke looked around. "Come on, Noah; this is not the place to talk about this, okay? When I came we agreed that it would be as friends."

"Yeah, but…I still have hope, Luke."

"Please, can we talk about something else now?" Luke didn't want Noah to get nervous; his behavior had been strange since the surgery and he could go from happy and calm to extremely angry in seconds. "Come on, what do we have planned for today?"

Noah's face brightened. "Oh, we have a tour at the Museum of Contemporary Art. They document contemporary visual culture and that includes video and films."

Luke and Noah spent the morning in one of the most interesting museums Luke had ever seen, and he actually enjoyed it. After lunch they wen t back to the theater for the day's screenings. When night came, Luke was exhausted, but Noah wanted to go to the Closing Night party. It was in a bar, and Luke wasn't too excited to go, but he agreed after a while, because Noah said there was some small studio interested in his film and he had agreed to meet the guy in charge there.

Sitting on his bed, Luke grabbed his cell phone and dialed Reid's number again. It went straight to voice mail. No one answered at Katie's house and Luke didn't want to call the hospital. If he didn't speak to Reid today, it would be two days in a row without talking to him. For some reason, not hearing Reid's voice let Luke extremely unquiet, especially when Luke remembered the look on Reid's face when he had left.

His phone rang, startling him. Could it be Reid? But when the caller ID showed "Mom", Luke grimaced. He didn't want to talk to his mother right now; all he wanted was for the next two days fly so Luke could go back to Oakdale; and to Reid.

"Hi, Mom," he said, trying to sound happy.

" _Hey, sweetie! How is everything?"_ Luke could hear the smile in Lily's voice.

"Fine; everything's fine. How are things at home?" Small talk was the last thing he wanted now, but he figured he could talk to Lily a little, if only to take his mind off of Reid and why his cell phone was turned off.

" _We miss you, baby. Are you having a good time?"_

Luke sighed. "As much as it can be expected. Following Noah around is not the most exciting thing in the world."

" _It's so good that you decided to do this for him, baby. You're really a generous person."_

"Yeah, well, I'm glad I came. This festival is really important to him. But I just want to go home, Mom."

" _Oh. If you're worried about the Foundation, you can stay as much as you want. Dad and I will take care of everything for you. The most important thing is that you and Noah have a great time. Now that you're back together, you have a lot to catch up."_

Luke's brow furrowed. "What do you mean we're back together?"

Lily laughed. " _You can tell me, Luke. In fact, I think that everybody knows by now. And let me tell you, honey, you and Noah look great in that picture. You make such a cute couple!"_

"Wait, wait, wait," Luke blinked several times, as if to wake up. "What picture, Mom?"

" _The one on the newspaper this morning! Oh, by the way, tell Noah that we're all very happy for him. He deserved the award, after everything he went through."_

Luke's heart was almost out of his mouth; it was beating so fast. "Mom, wait a minute. You mean there is a picture, a – a picture of me and Noah on – on the newspaper?"

" _Yeas, dear. And what a cute kiss!"_

"We're kissing?" Luke shouted. 'Oh my God, Oh my God', was all he could think.

" _Noah looks so happy! Is he there? Let me talk to him, I want to be the first to congratulate him and – "_

"Uh, Mom, I have to go. Talk to you later. Bye."

Luke started to pace his room frantically, his cell phone in his hands. He had called Reid's number again and Katie's house, but nothing had changed. "Oh my God," he said out loud. If Lily had seen the picture of Noah kissing Luke, Reid had probably seen it too. And Luke was sure that if he had, he would never want to see him again. He needed to talk to him, to explain it all had been a misunderstanding. And apparently he wasn't going to do it tonight.

When Noah knocked at his door, Luke was throwing his clothes in his suitcase, not even caring the way they landed. He had to go back to Oakdale at all costs. If Reid's phone was turned off, then he had to see him, make Reid understand that there was nothing between him and Noah.

"What are you doing?" Noah asked.

"What does it look like?" Luke snapped. "I'm leaving."

"Why? We still have two more days!" Noah said.

"No, Noah.  _ **You**_  have two more days. My time in Chicago is over. I'm going to rent a car and I'm going home tonight."

"What happened?"

Luke's patience came to an end. "What happened? What happened? There was a fucking picture of you kissing me at the newspaper today! Everyone in Oakdale probably saw it!"

"Luke…I'm sorry," Noah said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," Luke said, trying to close his suitcase. "But now it's done and we'll figure where to go from here. You have to understand one thing: we're not together, Noah, not anymore. You don't get to kiss me whenever you want. It's over and you knew we were coming to Chicago as friends. There's no use in saying you're sorry now; this shouldn't have happened."

Noah's face was very serious, like sculpted on stone. "I'm not sorry I kissed you, Luke. I'm sorry you're wasting your time packing."

"Huh?" Luke stopped his jacket in his hands.

"You're not going anywhere."

...

Reid's left hand was still burning, an angry red hard to ignore. But Reid ignored it; in fact, he ignored everything. He just stayed there, sitting on the sofa of Katie's living room, staring at nothing, looking paralyzed. He had no idea how he had gotten here; he had no recollection of driving home.

Outside, Reid looked like a statue. Inside, his mind was almost short-circuiting and, for a guy with a mind like his, that was something huge. He couldn't stop thinking about what he was going to do now; what his course of action would be. When in danger, self-preservation was the most important thing, he mused. It wasn't easy, but he knew what to do; it wasn't the first time.

Don't over-analyze the facts. They are what they are. Keep your voice neutral and your face impassive. Keeping your voice neutral can be very hard, especially given the circumstances, but it can be done easily; practice makes perfect. Make sure every area is covered. Put everything inside and contain the flood. Reinforce the dam. Put an extra layer of concrete just in case. Keep calm and detached. Pretend it's someone else's life.

Reid analyzed his options coldly. Everything else was secondary; all that mattered was the task at hand. Plan, he needed a plan. A fast one, an effective one. And action, fast action, leading to effective results. That's what he needed.

He found Bob Hughes in the Lakeview, having lunch with his wife.

"I need a word in private. It's urgent," he said in a monotone.

"Oh my God, Dr. Oliver, your hand!" Kim Hughes said.

"It's fine, Mrs. Hughes. Don't worry. I just need a word with your husband, won't take long." Eyes cold face calm, not even the slightest inflection in his voice. Reid was the perfect image of the polite doctor.

Kim opened her mouth to say something, because since when Reid Oliver was 'nice' with her? He sounded like a gentleman, and that alone was enough give her a hint that something was wrong, but it was the emptiness in his eyes that actually took her by surprise. Before she could say anything else, Bob put a hand on her arm and stopped her musings.

"Come on, Dr. Oliver. Lets' go to one of the meeting rooms; I think it's empty."

Reid followed Bob without a word. They stepped inside a big empty room with leather sofas and armchairs, dimly lit. Bob turned the lights on, motioned for Reid to sit down and sat down himself. Reid remained standing.

"I need to leave," Reid blurted out, not wanting to waste time. Every second was important.

"I'm sorry?" Bob didn't understand, but he didn't like Reid's expression or, to be more accurate, his lack of expression.

"I need to leave as soon as possible. Tomorrow. No, not tomorrow, today; I need to leave today." Reid said almost to himself.

"You're not making any sense."

"I said  _ **I'm leaving**_ , Dr. Hughes. Which of these two words you don't understand?"

"What's there to understand?" Bob's brow furrowed, because what would usually be one if Reid's abrasive remarks sounded completely different in his current absent tone. "You're leaving? When? Where to? For how long?"

"Tonight. Anywhere far from here. I have no idea," Reid answered simply.

"What?"

Reid took a deep breath. "I'm leaving Oakdale tonight. I don't know where to yet, but I'm working on it; I have a couple of options to explore. I have no idea when I will come back, if ever."

Bob got up and approached the younger doctor, putting a hand on his shoulder. Reid almost flinched at the contact, but stopped himself in time.

"Reid, what happened?" he asked, worried.

Reid shook his head and didn't speak, pressing his mouth in a thin line, and he looked at his shoes as if they were suddenly very interesting. "Nothing that wasn't already going to," he finally said.

Bob's hand squeezed his shoulder slightly. "Son, talk to me. I know something very serious happened. I want to help."

Reid gulped when Bob said 'son', but he still kept his resolve. He shook his head again. "You can't help; this is beyond any help. I can't – It's – I just need to leave."

"Reid…whatever it is…is it so bad that you're willing to leave a neurology wing built to your specifications, in which you can save many, many lives?"

Reid had already thought about that, and he gave Bob the most honest answer he could, even if he didn't want to talk about it. "That was my dream job. But – but I couldn't find another way. I have to get out of here. Now, while I still can think. I can't work like this; this God forsaken town took my peace away. I need my life back."

"The town or its inhabitants?" Bob asked.

Reid eyed the older doctor warily. "I should never have come."

"But you can't leave everything like that!"

"I know, and I'm not leaving like that, I'm not irresponsible. Look, I have no new patients at the moment; no surgeries scheduled. The neurology wing is not ready yet. That should give me two or three months to get what I need."

"What do you need, Reid?"

"To be as far away from here as possible."

"And you can't give me any details so I can try to help you or convince you to stay?"

"I can't." Reid took a deep breath, his breathing slightly faster. This was turning out to be harder than he had thought. "And you can't convince me to stay. It's better for everyone if I just go."

"Not for me," Bob said sadly. "Besides the fact that you're the best neurosurgeon in the country, I like you, Reid. I know that a very few people realize the fine human being that you are and I happen to be one of them."

Reid's breath caught in his throat. He wanted to maintain the conversation in a professional level but it was far too late for that now. "I'm sorry. I'll…I'll never forget the opportunity you gave me. Few people would have done that; no one's willing to work with someone with my temperament. But you didn't mind and you actually fought to keep me here. So thank you."

"I really believe your place is here, Dr. Oliver." Bob said.

"My place is where I'm needed. And I know I'm needed here, but I can't do this. Look, I just…just need to get out of here for a while. When the wing's ready, if you're still without a neurosurgeon, I'll come back and I'll stay until you find someone; I'll even help you look for him. It won't be too hard to find a replacement; not with the brand new neurology wing on your sleeve. Offer them that and you'll have the best neurosurgeons in the world tripping over each other to come here.

"Oh, I'm sure that by the time the neurology wing's ready, there will be someone good enough willing to come here. But none of them is like you."

"Thank God," Reid found spirit enough to snort.

"That was not a joke, Reid. I actually want you to stay."

Reid took another deep breath and closed his eyes for a few minutes, trying to maintain the walls up, but when he opened them, Bob had to fight not to gasp at the sadness he saw there. "I, uh…I have to go, If I want to leave today there's still some stuff to take care of." Reid extended his hand and Bob shook it. "I'll let you know where I'll be staying, in case you need anything. But I appreciate if you keep my location between us."

"Don't worry; no one will know." Bob really meant it. "Um, are you going alone?"

"I'm always on my own. Medicine is and will always be my life." Reid nodded at Bob again and then he was gone.

Bob sighed, knowing without any doubt that Reid's leaving had to do with Luke Snyder.

… … … … …

"What do you mean I'm not going anywhere?" Luke asked dumbfounded.

"You're not. You think I'll let you go running to that stupid doctor's arms? Oh, you're so, so wrong!"

Luke felt his face turning red with anger. "Who do you think you are? I'm not your property! You don't tell me what to do, Noah!"

"For how long did you intended to laugh at my expenses, Luke?" Noah's face was angry too.

"Laugh? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I bet you do. You and Dr. Oliver, pretending to hate each other! And I believed in everything like a fool! Tell me Luke, how long have you been screwing my doctor?"

"You're getting all wrong!" Luke tried to argue, but Noah didn't hear him.

"All the time I was blind, I bet you and Dr. Oliver were laughing behind my back. You let him seduce you! You were supposed to wait for me!" Noah screamed.

Luke's jaw dropped. "Wait? Are you insane? Wait for you?"

"You were supposed to wait until I could see again, so we could be together! But no, you had to screw the only doctor that could help me! Couldn't you leave this one man alone?"

"Are you calling me a whore? I was single, Noah! You dumped me! And not that it concerns you, but Reid and I only started to see each other after you woke up!"

Noah slapped Luke in the face. "You're lying!" Noah screamed. "I heard you talking! I was in my room recovering from a brain surgery, for God's sake, and you two were talking about kisses and God knows what else! I heard everything you said, and I heard how you pleaded for him not to stop seeing you!"

Luke held his hand against his very red cheek. "You got it all wrong!"

"Liar! I heard you! Can you imagine how I felt? I had just woken up, I could see again and I wanted to celebrate with you! But I had to hear my doctor and my boyfriend – "

"I wasn't your boyfriend anymore!" Luke yelled.

"Yeah, because it was your fault that I was blind, I had to deal with being blind Luke, and I still had to hear your never-ending complaints about our relationship! Fuck our relationship! I was blind and you still made everything about you!"

"So you remember everything. You never lost your memory; you were lying all the time," Luke said shaking his head in disgust.

"Yeah I was! And you have no idea how hard I laughed when you and your little doctor bought my act!"

"Mr. Snyder? This is the hotel manager! Is everything alright?" someone called from behind the door.

"Leave my room, Noah," Luke said. "Now. You call me a liar, but you're an even bigger one. I don't even know why I came to Chicago with you."

"Because you're soooo compassionate!" Noah laughed mockingly. "Because I tried to kill myself and your fragile golden heart couldn't stand to see poor Noah so hurt! It was so funny, the face you made when you saw me holding that piece of glass!"

"So it was a lie too," Luke said angrily.

"Of course it was a lie! You think I would try to kill myself because of you?" Noah laughed cruelly. "I told the little doctor that you would believe me, that you would think he was lying about my memory loss. I knew you would believe me, not him, because I always knew how to play you just right, uh?"

Luke gulped. He really had thought, even if for a short time, that Reid was lying. He never thought for one second that Noah could be pretending.

"Mr. Snyder! Is everything alright, sir?" came once more the voice from outside.

"Yes, everything's fine!" Luke yelled.

"Yes," Noah said, approaching Luke. "Everything is perfect, because now you know that I played you like a fool. All the time, Luke. How many times you left your lover to run to my side when I was distressed, uh?" Noah laughed again and stepped forward, invading Luke's personal space.

Luke took a step back. "You brought me to Chicago on purpose; because you already knew that Reid and I were together. Hell, maybe even that picture on the paper was on purpose."

"Clever boy. You know, it's amazing what your friends can do for you when they work in the right places," Noah said. "Tell me, Luke…How did it feel to leave Dr. Oliver waiting for you like an idiot so you could come here with me?"

"Reid's not an idiot," Luke said.

"Oh, now he's Reid, is he?" Noah looked at Luke menacingly. "Tell me, does he know that he's just a replacement? Does he know that you're with him because I dumped you?"

"No, because that's not true. You killed all the love I had for you. Noah. I don't love you anymore. I love him."

"Oh, I bet he believes you," Noah started to laugh. "Especially now that you left him alone to come with me. I told that asshole that I would win you back. You're with me now, you don't need him anymore."

Luke was fuming. He didn't know this guy before him. If this guy was the real Noah, Luke had spent the last three years of his life in love with someone that didn't exist. That made his blood boil with anger. "You're forgetting something, Noah. I love Reid. I'm not the starry-eyed boy who fell in love with you anymore. I'm an adult now, and I'm in love with a real man, because that's what Reid is. A real man, much better than you'll ever be."

"I wonder what he thought of our little kiss. The whole city must be talking about how easy you are. Well, what to expect from a guy that makes out with his grandmother's husband?"

Luke grabbed Noah's shoulders and pushed him away from him. "Leave my room, Noah. The manager is already outside because of your screams. Leave my room now."

Noah mirrored Luke's movement, grabbing his shoulders, but he didn't let him go. His fingers dig into Luke's flesh painfully, leaving bruises, and he baked Luke into a wall. "I'm not leaving, Luke. When I was blind, all you could do was complain that I wouldn't kiss you; that I wouldn't make love to you." He grabbed Luke's wrists with all his strength. "Now you got your wish; I'm here and I'm gonna give you what you want."

"Noah let me ghfff –" Noah smashed his lips against Luke's, brutally kissing him. Luke tried to push Noah away, but Noah was stronger, and obviously his father had taught him a few tricks about restraining people. They fought for a moment, until Noah abruptly released one of Luke's arms and twisted Luke around so his back was to Noah now. He kept Luke against the wall, Luke's right arm painfully twisted behind him. Noah's other hand curled not too loosely around Luke's neck.

"Tell me, Luke, did you miss me?" he murmured against Luke's ear. "Remember how you used to beg me to be inside you?" He bucked his hips against Luke's ass with violence. Luke's face was pressed hard against the wall and his vision was a little blurry. Noah's hand around his neck was making it hard to breathe. "Your dream is about to come true, baby."

Luke needed to think fast. "Noah, please, you don't want to do it like that…"

"Of course I do," Noah said, his tongue in Luke's ear, making him shiver, but not with pleasure. "I want you and I hate you. Isn't that funny?"

"Noah," Luke tried again, but Noah didn't even hear him.

"I hate you so much, Luke. You should have waited for me. You should have understood. When I woke up, I wanted to be alone with you. But you had already found another one to warm your bed, uh? Is he good, Luke? Such a cold person, is he any good? Do you moan his name like you used to moan mine when we were together?"

"More than you'll ever know," Luke gasped, unable to contain himself.

Noah banged Luke's head against the wall. "Shut up! I don't wanna know! After tonight you're gonna forget Dr. Oliver even exists!"

Luke's vision blurred even more, a sharp pain coming from his forehead. He had no idea how much more he could take. But then there was a loud bang from the door and the next thing Luke knew, Noah was been pulled away from him by two men.

"Are you alright, Mr. Snyder?" said one of them. "How did this man get here?"

"He's staying at the hotel too," said the other man.

"Let me go, you idiots!" Noah tried to free himself, but the men only tightened their hold.

"You want us to call the police, sir?" the one who looked like the manager asked.

Luke straightened himself shakily and shook his head. "No. Just, just help me with my check out."

…

After spending the night in the hospital, an exhausted Luke checked in another hotel to get some rest. He had no idea what had happened to Noah, but he didn't care; he wanted distance from the dark-haired man. It was pouring down Chicago, and it wasn't safe to drive until the rain stopped. Not that he could drive. His arm was in a cast; his face, shoulders and wrists were bruised and his neck was sore. Worst of all, his whole body hurt. Lying on his bed, Luke picked his cell phone and called Lucinda.

"Grandma? I need a favor. Can you ask your driver to pick me up in Chicago? No, I can't drive right now. Because I can't. Look, we'll talk about that later, okay? I'm at The Palmer House Hilton. Oh, and tell him not to leave now, it's pouring down here and the roads are closed. Love you. Tell Mom and Dad that everything's fine and I'm coming home. Bye."

Luke got up and put the 'no disturb' sign at his door. Then he turned his cell phone off, went back to bed and closed his eyes, sleeping almost instantly.

 


	11. Chapter 11

"I don't believe this," Lily said, sitting down heavily on the sofa. "Noah was such a sweet boy!"

"Thanks to that sweet boy your son's arm is in a cast," Holden said angrily.

"Dad…" Luke said helplessly.

He was exhausted; physically and emotionally. As soon as he got home he called Lily and Holden asking them to meet him. When they arrived they were at a loss for words at the sight of Luke's state. He asked them to sit down and told them everything; from the start. From the first time he met Reid and how he hated him, to the time when they were in Dallas and Reid showed him another side. He omitted personal stuff, but told them the most important part: that he had fallen for the doctor and that they were in a relationship for some time now. And that Noah had never lost his memory; it was all a lie, a plan to make Luke go back to him.

"I don't know if Noah wanted to punish me," Luke sighed. "He actually said that I was supposed to wait until he got better so we could be together again. He pushed me away, said I should move on, and when I did, he made sure it wouldn't work."

"No, Luke!" Lily said, putting a hand on Luke's arm. "You must talk to Dr. Oliver! Tell him it was all Noah's plan, even the picture!"

"I can't, Mom. Reid is gone."

…

_Katie almost didn't open the door for Luke. When she did, her face was red and puffy. She almost didn't look at him. "What do you want?" she asked in a cold voice._

" _Where is he, Katie?"_

" _He's gone, Luke. Reid is gone, and he didn't tell me where to, in case you're wondering. I begged Dr. Hughes to tell me where Reid is but he claims that he doesn't know."_

_He had come straight from Chicago to Katie's house. Anxious to see Reid and explain everything, He was so sure that Reid would be home. "Oh, God," Luke said, leaning on the wall for support, feeling as if the floor had disappeared from below his feet._

_The movements made Katie see his injuries. "Luke! What happened?" her worried voice echoed down the hall._

" _Long story. I need to go, Reid must have told someone where he was going." Luke turned to leave._

" _Wait, Luke," Katie held his good arm. "Come in, lets' talk."_

_Katie had been crying since Reid had left the day before. She hated the idea of living alone; it made her think about Brad even more. She knew Jacob would miss him and his songs. She was going to miss him too, his sandwiches, his yoga chanting and especially their talks. And on top of that, every time she remembered Reid's expression when they parted, she wanted to cry again._

…

"Katie told me that Reid looked devastated," Luke told his parents in a low voice. "She said that she had never seen him so…defeated."

"Poor man," Lily said.

"It's all my fault. I should have never gone to Chicago with Noah."

"No, you shouldn't have," Holden agreed. "Sorry, son, but I need to say this. What were you thinking, Luke? Why it was so easy to trust Noah and go with him to Chicago? What about Dr. Oliver? My God, you just left him here after he asked you to talk to Noah! If you were together, Dr. Oliver should have been your priority, not Noah."

"Holden, please," Lily said. "Noah had tried to kill himself, we saw it!"

Holden shook his head in disbelief. "You shouldn't have bought his act. You were naïve, son. If you already suspected he was lying, Luke...more than a week after Dr. Oliver told you about their conversation…you should have called him on his shit, demanded that he tell you the truth."

"I know, Dad. I was really stupid. But I just wanted to help Noah."

"The only help Noah needs is a psychiatrist." Holden was fuming. "I can't believe that we could be so wrong about that boy."

"God... and he lived here with us, I saw him every day and I never suspected that his memory loss was fake…" Lily said again. "For someone who seemed so in love, how could he do this to you?" her voice was shaky.

"Luke, you're not lying to us, are you?" Holden asked, serious. "I get it that Noah and you had a fight, but these marks around your neck, your arm…if he hurt you on purpose, son, I–"

"No, Dad. We just had a fight that was all. But I don't want see Noah ever again. He succeeded in killing the love I had for him, pushing me away over and over. It was a love that I thought would never end, remember?" Luke gave a sad smile. "Now he just killed all the respect I had for him. I never knew him, Dad. We spent three years together and I never knew the real Noah."

"Well you should have suspected, judging by the way he treated you when he was blind. And it wasn't the first time you had problems. Noah was always selfish, we just never realized it. Since he lost his sight, every sentence he said started with "I", "me" or "mine"; with variations like "for me", "to me" and "I". I think that alone should have given us some clue about the real Noah."

"Holden, don't you see he's already been through too much?"

"No, Mom," Luke got up and started to pace. "I'm tired of being spared. Dad is right. What happened wasn't just Noah's fault; it was mine too. I was afraid to let Noah go, and in the process, I hurt the man I really wanted to stay with."

"Dr. Oliver," she said.

Luke nodded. "And now I lost him."

"What do you mean? You're letting him go without a fight?" Holden asked.

"He's gone, Dad. Nobody knows where he is! Not even Bob Hughes!"

"Son…" Holden approached Luke and patted his back. "I never thought I would say that voluntarily, but you have Walsh and Grimaldi's blood in your veins and you were raised by a Snyder. Giving up is not something we do. If you want to stay with Dr. Oliver, go after him."

"But how? He just vanished, Dad! I called his old hospital in Dallas and they said he didn't go back there! What can I do?"

Lily got up as well and smiled at Luke. "Honey…do the words 'Lucinda Walsh' and 'private investigator' mean something to you?"

...

Falling is a strange sensation. You lose your grip and suddenly there's nothing to hold you, no floor below your feet, nothing to prevent you going down. For a split second you just hang on there, suspended in the air, and if you're lucid enough, you think 'hey, I'm falling'. But that's already too late and nothing can stop your fall. All you can do is brace yourself for the landing and pray that you won't be too hurt in the end.

Love is, in many aspects, similar to falling. You know it's happening, you realize there's a person with power over you, whether you like it or not, and yet there's nothing you can do about it. You see yourself going down, and you can't stop it; in the rare cases where you can, you don't. Because for a short time, it feels so good that it's worth it; you feel on top of the world. So you keep doing it, even if in the end the fall will leave you in pieces.

Or maybe love is like drowning. You look at the sea, endless, alluring, full of life, and you think: 'I want this'. You dive, not caring if you know how to swim or not, or if the cold water will pull you to the bottom. For a few seconds, you're just there, floating, surrounded by water and it's just you, the sea and the sky, and it's really beautiful. Then you're being pulled to the bottom, drowning with no chance of escaping. And you don't even despair, because even if you had known, you'd have dived anyway.

As Reid walked through Russell Square Gardens, all these thoughts closed his mind, because that was exactly how he felt: like drowning, like falling, like everything was upside down. He didn't pay attention to the beauty of the place. The flowers everywhere, the small café full of people, the beautiful fountain, nothing interested him. All he wanted was for Monday to come so he could bury himself in his work and forget everything else.

It hadn't been hard to find a place to go, after all. He remembered that he hadn't given any answer to the English doctor that had invited him to go to London. So, as soon as he left The Lakeview and Bob Hughes, he called the neurology hospital in London and said he was willing to go as soon as possible. Dr. Jarman's secretary even booked the hotel for Reid, a nice business-like place called Imperial London. She also sent him the tickets, one for the same day from Oakdale to New York; the other for the following day, to London.

The hotel was near the hospital, if one was willing to walk a little, and near this beautiful and huge garden Reid was currently in. He had just come back from his appointment with Dr. Jarman, and they had agreed to start on Monday. Reid would be introduced to the staff and they would choose the patients Reid could operate on. The English doctor - a neurosurgeon himself - and his colleagues were anxious to learn the improvement Reid had brought to the old technique of Occipital Depressurization.

Reid was anxious to start. It felt good to know exactly what was going to happen for a change. His work had always been something he could depend on. He needed it to focus, to put things in perspective and to move on. He had loved the hospital. It was huge, with top-of-the line equipment and dedicated professionals. He could barely wait to get into one of its operating rooms.

He refused to think about Luke, but it was hard to do this when the young man wouldn't stop calling him. Reid would look at his cell phone and for a second, debate with himself if he should answer it or no. But in the end, self-preservation always won, so the phone would ring incessantly and then go to voicemail. Luke never left any message.

He had called Bob Hughes and told the old doctor where he was, but he didn't say the hotel's name or anything personal, in case Katie or someone else tried to find out where he was. He trusted Bob, but Katie and Kim were friends and he knew the little blonde woman could be very persuasive when she wanted to.

His cell phone started to ring again, and looking at the display, he saw a local number he didn't recognize. "Hello?"

" _Turn around,"_ said a very familiar voice.

Reid's heart immediately started to race inside his chest. "What?"was all he could say.

" _Turn around, Reid,"_  Luke said.

When Reid looked, Luke was stepping out of a typical red telephone cabin. Hands in his pockets, looking uncharacteristically uncertain, he walked towards Reid with hesitant steps, finally stopping in front of him.

"How did you find me?" Reid asked calmly."

"My grandmother hired a PI."

Reid snorted. "So you reverted to your old methods."

Luke shrugged, blushing. "If I have to use them, I do."

"I'm impressed. It hasn't been a week since I left."

"I didn't want to wait, and the PI works fast. You didn't answer my calls or my messages."

"That alone should have told you something."

"Can we talk?" Luke looked at his shoes, like he was afraid of looking at Reid and see 'no' in his eyes.

"You think we still have something to talk about, Luke?" Reid's voice was cold, but trembling a little, showing how disturbed he was.

"Yes, I do. I need to explain to you what happened." Luke seemed to wait for the sarcastic remark that would usually have followed that sentence, but it didn't come.

Reid frowned, looking at Luke's light brown eyes. "I think everything is pretty clear, don't you?"

"No. You got it all wrong." Luke's voice was sad.

Reid sighed. "If we're really going to have this conversation, I think we should at least sit."

They walked side by side, shoulders near but not touching. They found a bench under an old tree, in a calm area of the park. Reid waited for Luke to sit down and sat as far of the young man as he could, forcing himself not to look at the blond and see the sadness in his eyes.

Luke took a deep breath. "I should have never gone to Chicago with Noah."

Reid let Luke's words hang in the air for a moment, pondering if he should answer or not. "You didn't have to come here to tell me this. I already knew," he said quietly.

Luke winced. "I know. But I wanted to say this, even if you'll never forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, Luke. You made your choice, and I'm man enough to understand."

"I did, and it was, I mean, it  _ **is**_  you."

Reid snorted, but his expression didn't change. "Nice way of showing that. You looked good in that picture, by the way."

Luke shook his head. "Reid, it was all set up from the start. Noah never lost his memory, I already knew that. But I never thought he would lie to me; I thought that he was sick, I mean, physically. But he's fine, perfect even. He never tried to kill himself; it was all pretend to force me to go with him. The picture you saw…I have no idea what happened. He just grabbed me and kissed me, and the next day the picture was..."

"And the photographer was Noah's friend, so he sent the picture to Oakdale on the same night, so it could be on the paper the next day," Reid finished the sentence for Luke.

"You may not believe me, but yes, that's exactly what happened." Luke ran his hand through his hair. "Noah finally showed me who he truly is. I never knew him. I spent three years with him, but he's a complete stranger to me. The bond between us is completely broken."

"So let me get this straight. You didn't come here because you want to. You came here because you have no hope of ever going back to Noah, so you're settling for the second best."

"I didn't say that!" Luke sounded exasperated. "You don't come second to me in any aspect!"

"Yet I felt not like the second option, but like the very last."

"Don't say that!"Luke pleaded.

Reid's expression was still blank, like he was wearing a mask. But his eyes were storming with pain and hurt, and he could see the same pain reflected in Luke's face. "Why Not? It's true, and truth should always prevail."

"Reid, please…Don't do this."Luke's voice was so broken that Reid almost flinched when he heard it. "I…I love you."

Reid's eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat. Heart beating like a wild drum, he took a few deep breaths to calm himself. If Luke had said that a few days ago, he would have done anything, followed him anywhere, accepted any rule. But now the words seemed just that: words. Empty, meaningless words, even if he had wanted to hear them. And he would be damned if he would fall into that trap.

He got up abruptly. "I can't do this, Luke."

"What?"Luke got up as well.

Reid decided to be as sincere as he could. He would do whatever it took to make Luke understand that things between them simply weren't meant to be, and it was better to leave at that and go back to his old life.

"I can't dive into this with you. I won't…there won't be much of me left if you do this again. And I'm tired of the secrecy, the hiding. That's not who I am. I'm direct and simple, and I need to keep like that, or…"

"I told my family about us. I wanted them to know that we were together because…it was the happiest time of my life."

"And what difference does it make now?" Reid's voice was sad. "There was so much you could have told them, but you didn't. I was your dirty little secret. You didn't tell anyone when I asked you to, and I asked you _ **several**_  times. We kept sneaking around, like thieves, like we were doing something wrong. Do we really want to talk about this again?"

"I just…I felt guilty and I didn't want to hurt Noah. I was the responsible for what happened to him, I caused his accident. I just…I couldn't hurt him even more."

"What about me, Luke? You were so worried about not hurting Noah, that you hurt me instead, again and again. I waited, I asked, and all I heard was that he was important to you. What about telling him that I was the one important to you, uh?"

"I know! I was wrong, Reid! I'm only human, you know? You're not flawless yourself. I'm telling you that I was wrong and I'm sorry."

"And why should I believe you?"

"The fact that I love you…it doesn't count?" Luke's voice was desperate now. "I love you, Reid," he murmured.

"Don't. It's too late now, Luke, and you know that."

"Don't you love me, Reid?" Luke's was almost pleading. "Is that it? Is that why you don't want to give us a second chance?"

"There's no such thing as second chances," Reid sighed. "Our relationship…it already started wrong, from the moment you blackmailed me into staying in that God damned town. Things could have worked between us, but they didn't."

"But I love you. It's enough, it has to be. Unless you don't love me back. Is that the reason why we can't be together?"

"I don't see why – " Reid started.

"I asked if you love me! Answer me, dammit!" Luke almost yelled.

"Yes!"Reid responded exasperated. "Yes, I love you! But it doesn't change anything; I'm not gonna do this again, Luke! It's over, I'm done!"

"Why?"

"Because I can't! I can't, because the next time you do this to me, I… I just can't take it." Reid took a deep breath, trying to calm down again. "So pack your things and leave me alone. It's better for everyone. Let me go back to the life I know, the one I should never have left."

Luke's shoulders hunched and Reid knew that the young man had finally given up.

"Alright," Luke's voice was trembling. "I'll go back to Oakdale. There's nothing I can do anymore. At least I know that came here and I tried. But let me tell you something: I know I was wrong, but I won't take all the blame. I came here because I love you and I asked you for another chance. It's not my fault that you're too afraid to try; it's not my fault that you're so terrified of being hurt that you prefer to hide behind your work. So I hope you know that you ruined this too. Goodbye, Reid. Have a nice life."

Reid watched, paralyzed, as Luke turned his back on him and started walking away. He wanted to call him, tell him to stay, but his voice and his body refused to work. Luke walked a few steps and stopped, turning his head slightly to look at him.

"You know what, Reid? You're a coward." And Luke started to walk again.

In less than two seconds Reid was there, face livid with anger. "Who you're calling a coward?" Reid grabbed Luke's arm and he saw when Luke's face got suddenly pale and his face contorted in pain. "What happened to your arm?" he asked, forgetting completely his anger and hurt.

"Nothing," Luke mumbled.

"Let me see it."

"No," Luke answered stubbornly, but Reid put his hands on Luke's shoulders and Luke winced, recoiling from the touch.

"Luke. You're hurt." Reid voice was calm and controlled, but the tone didn't leave room to argue. "Let. Me. See. It."

Luke sighed, and raised his arm, rolling up the sleeve. He had taken the cast off before coming to London; he didn't want Reid to see it. The arm wasn't broken, just strained muscles and tendons, but it was still swollen and bruised.

Reid gasped when he saw the angry purple marks on Luke's arm. "Who did this?" he asked, mouth in a thin line. When Luke didn't answer, Reid said menacingly. "Luke…"

"Noah," Luke blurted out.

"What?" Reid's eyes almost popped out of his head. "What the hell? Why did he…Is he insane? I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!"

"It's alright, Reid. It's over, he didn't go too far. Just a few bruises here and there."

Reid's expert hands traveled through Luke's injured arm, all soft touches, in a silent exam. Then the hands travelled up to Luke's arms and to his shoulders, pressing slightly. Luke winced again. "Your shoulders too, uh?" Reid said quietly, almost tenderly, and Luke only nodded. Reid's hands finally rested near Luke's bruised neck, and the young man tried not to look uncomfortable at the touch. But the doctor felt his uneasiness and frowned. "Luke…" he said, moving the collar of Luke's shirt a little, and the purple marks were right there.

"Jesus Christ, Luke!" Reid's expression was pure shock. "What did you tell that psycho to leave him so enraged?"

Luke was hypnotized by having Reid so close to him. Reid's hands on his neck sent shivers down the young man's spine, and if Luke took a deep breath, he could feel Reid's cologne in the air. It was too much, and it hurt, because Reid had given up on him. So Luke closed his eyes, trying to maintain his composure, trying not to beg for Reid to take him back.

"Luke?" Reid's voice had no trace of anger or resentment, just worry. His eyes traveled avidly through Luke's face looking for more injuries, and he asked himself why he hadn't seen before that the young man was hurt.

Luke's answer was soft, because he didn't have strength to argue anymore. "Because I told him that I love you, your idiot," he said affectionately. "I told him that I love you and that you're much better than him."

Then Reid's arms were around Luke, and the blonde was crying, his face hidden in the crook of Reid' neck. It was like a broken dam, the tears just kept coming and Luke's frame shook slightly, all the tension from the last few days leaving him because he was finally,  _ **finally**_  in Reid's arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am an asshole," Reid murmured in Luke's ear, his arms holding him securely but not too tight. "I love you. I love you, Luke, and I will never let you go."

Luke searched for Reid's lips, right there, in the middle of the park, not giving a damn about who could be looking. Their kiss tasted like tears and relief; they cried and smiled at the same time, and it finally felt like everything was going to be alright.

…

Alone in Reid's hotel room, they took each other's clothes one by one, taking their time. Not much was said, because they were too raw for words. Eyes met, trapped in each other's. Mouths smiled and kissed and they whispered each other's names, wanting to be sure that they weren't dreaming. When skin met skin it felt like they were finally safe, finally at home.

Their coupling was torturous slowly, bodies moving together as one, a beautifully synchronized dance that left them breathless. It was love, lust and need, mixed together in a beauty hard to describe with mere words, and nothing they had experienced before could ever come close to this. This moment was theirs alone, and they vowed silently to never let the other go again.

They exploded together, falling in a pool of light, waves of love and pleasure crashing on them, and it was pure, wonderful, and unforgettable.

When it ended, they held each other as close as possible. They didn't say a word, because they simply didn't have to. They stayed there in a sweaty embrace, limbs tangled, looking at each other until their breaths returned to normal. After this moment, none could say they didn't know what happiness felt like.

They slept almost at the same time, content to be in each other' arms, together at last. They didn't know yet that Luke wouldn't go back to Oakdale, staying with Reid until Reid's three months in London were finished. They didn't know that they would move together to Reid's bedroom in Katie's house, but they would soon rent an apartment together. Luke didn't know that he would go back to write, because he felt so full of life and inspiration that words just kept coming and he  _ **had**_ to put them on paper. Reid didn't know that he would love working at Memorial, and that his life would change so much that his abrasiveness would be reduced to a minimum, and people would actually  _ **like**_  him not only as a doctor, but as a person as well.

Luke couldn't imagine that he would spend almost three years without seeing Noah, and when he did see him at Al's one day, he felt as if Noah was a complete stranger. Later Luke knew that his ex-boyfriend moved to LA without a fuss; he didn't even say goodbye to anyone.

Luke and Reid couldn't know any of those things, because they hadn't happened yet. But it would all be there: the brand new house, Christmas, Thanksgiving and birthdays at the Snyder farm, the rings, and the little girl they would adopt and call Annie. They had no idea that they would grow old together. But in that moment, neither Reid nor Luke cared about their future. All they knew was that they were together, and they had forever. And forever was just starting.

Falling is really strange. When you are there, suspended in the air, just you and the wind, you think 'now what?' You know you're falling and you know the ground will be waiting for you. But sometimes you need to believe it won't be that hard, because falling doesn't have to be the end; it can be the beginning. It can be a chance to start over and do everything right this time. If you just let go, if you take a leap of faith and dive, sometimes yes, you hurt yourself; but sometimes you don't.

Love changes everything. It's terrifying, but it's also liberating. When you have someone who loves you, you don't fear the fall in the dark, because he will be right there with you, even if just in your mind. He will whisper words of comfort in your ear so you won't feel lonely. He will make you feel wanted and cared for, and wherever you are, you know he'll be waiting for you and home will be wherever he is. You will carry him around inside your heart, a constant reminder that you're not alone. And if you happen to fall, when you're close to the ground, all you have to do is open your eyes. And the love of your life will be there, arms open, ready to catch you.

**Thank you for reading 'Falling'.**


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